Need to get it out Sorry I needed to give vent to my head or it gets worse.... :wild Tonight I got to an empty house and think What do I want to live for? I was waiting for my parents to die so I can take as much as I can until I end! They will not cope if something happens to me, they lost one son. So I had to get cleaned they could not see me gone! Since my brother died I am the strong one, I protect them and they do not know of my addictions! They do not know I medicate or go to a shrink! Even when I whent to detox I was on a holiday......... And is unfair on my younger brother, If I pass away he will be on his own... he would suffer so much! but then I think I will solve his money problems. Am so frustrated....................... I alwais look after others.. I can not ***** consume anything and have to keep on! Stuck here.... and some days I think ******* it! I have to be awake 24x7 and is unfair.... :headbange All I want is get stoned now and them... and am banned for life :sad: Thank you for listening I feel better :ring |
Hang in there Aiko!! :grouphug: |
I often hear hear its hard to be sober cos there's no respite. I don't really get that cos I have lots of respite - I exercise, I have hobbies, I play music - all of those things take me out of myself (in a good way) and help me relax. what do you do to relax now, aiko? D |
I know the feeling too. Sometimes I feel like there is no point |
I always look after others too :) Then I came to realize that I have too look out for me. I want to be healthy, that way I can help others. Caring- feelings.... they are parts of me that I am so proud of and drinking takes them away from me. I will never stop helping people--no matter what. Yet, I have finally accepted that I have to help myself first!! Been sober for a little over a year, and wouldn't want it any other way. |
Looking after others and not taking time to care for yourself is a recipe for disaster. Aiko, take a break and go and do something for you. |
(((((Aiko))))) what brings you true joy, peace & tranquility Have you tried yoga or pillates ? |
Aiko, I know you've come a long way. Please remember how important it is to take care of yourself. Be sure to get exercise and eat nutritiously. I liked Soberwolf's suggestion of yoga or Pilates. When our bodies feel good, our souls feel good, too. Hugs. |
Been thinking: If I do not solve the Root Problem I will continue struggling! I relate Respire = Stoned (I do not know how to change my head) I can not hurt my family so I have to be here, whether I like it or not thus have to make the most of my life, at least be as happy as I can. Next year I will not study, I might join sculpture and sawing I always wanted. I am very Lonely thus I have to find new clean friends when I am on my own I start thinking too much and AV sets of... And one day I will not be able to control the impulse! I do Pilates sometimes, running, to sweat it out, but still the same... I can not relax bcos I am 24x7 thinking of consuming! I have to be proactive, I am suffering this way!!! I do know the root problem so I have to move my **** and stop winning and crying! Thank you for helping me yet again! :tyou Big Hug from Southern Spain XO |
Big hug from London Aiko |
Like we stay sober a day at a time, and like we live our lives one day at a time, we change our heads a little one day at a time too aiko. :) It's a process...you don;t need to 'be' at a certain point anytime. Just think about other healthy ways to relax and try and put them into practice. That's a start :) D |
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