Hope is the thing with feathers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without words
And never stops
We all need hope in our lives, but it is especially true for those trying to recover. Because the addiction is so self serving it becomes the focus of our lives creating a vortex of self absorption. It is hard to have hope when all you can see is your need to get high.
Relationships are broken, family ties are severed through the lying, manipulation and broken promises.So you end up in a pit of your own making. At this time when you need hope the most, it seems the most remote.
Just quitting, that is not drinking or using is not enough. You have to have a profound underlying motive to stay clean. Willpower is not enough. With hope, you can see possibilities for a better life. A future and the feeling that you have worth not only to yourself, but to others and the community.
Taking personal responsibility helps. Learning to cope with life's challenges and knowing when things are out of one's control by accepting can create hope and strength. You can “own” your mistakes as well as your successes. And personal responsibility also means understanding that one cannot do everything by oneself. People need other people.
I drank yesterday supposedly because of my family's stuff, but in reality it was because I am lousy at setting boundaries. I want to fix everything. I must be super woman! In addition, I gave myself permission to drink over my feelings. The result is nothing has changed. I spent money on vodka that mostly went down the drain. My brother is still and alcoholic, and so am I. If anything, that drinking episode eroded my self esteem even more. When I am trying to obtain hope...the thing with feathers flew away last night.
So I am learning. And thank you all again for your support.
And sings the tune without words
And never stops
We all need hope in our lives, but it is especially true for those trying to recover. Because the addiction is so self serving it becomes the focus of our lives creating a vortex of self absorption. It is hard to have hope when all you can see is your need to get high.
Relationships are broken, family ties are severed through the lying, manipulation and broken promises.So you end up in a pit of your own making. At this time when you need hope the most, it seems the most remote.
Just quitting, that is not drinking or using is not enough. You have to have a profound underlying motive to stay clean. Willpower is not enough. With hope, you can see possibilities for a better life. A future and the feeling that you have worth not only to yourself, but to others and the community.
Taking personal responsibility helps. Learning to cope with life's challenges and knowing when things are out of one's control by accepting can create hope and strength. You can “own” your mistakes as well as your successes. And personal responsibility also means understanding that one cannot do everything by oneself. People need other people.
I drank yesterday supposedly because of my family's stuff, but in reality it was because I am lousy at setting boundaries. I want to fix everything. I must be super woman! In addition, I gave myself permission to drink over my feelings. The result is nothing has changed. I spent money on vodka that mostly went down the drain. My brother is still and alcoholic, and so am I. If anything, that drinking episode eroded my self esteem even more. When I am trying to obtain hope...the thing with feathers flew away last night.
So I am learning. And thank you all again for your support.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thanks for sharing AF, honesty is a very important thing in not only sobriety but life in general; glad you came back to talk this through.
Accepting that you cannot change others or fix their problems is going to be just as important as accepting your addiction. Super Woman is a fictional character....the real you is far more important to be if you seek both sobriety and happiness.
Accepting that you cannot change others or fix their problems is going to be just as important as accepting your addiction. Super Woman is a fictional character....the real you is far more important to be if you seek both sobriety and happiness.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
I'm sorry that you drank yesterday but I can relate entirely about the family boundaries.
Personally, by the time I engage my "hmm, this is crossing a boundary" I'm already seething and internalising all that anger. My plan is to get sassy. And by that I mean, stand up for myself. I recommend! I told my family this week on the phone after a conversation that they made me feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't discuss the issue with them anymore. It was one of the most liberating things I have done for a while.
Personally, by the time I engage my "hmm, this is crossing a boundary" I'm already seething and internalising all that anger. My plan is to get sassy. And by that I mean, stand up for myself. I recommend! I told my family this week on the phone after a conversation that they made me feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't discuss the issue with them anymore. It was one of the most liberating things I have done for a while.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 173
Hello Artfriend. We both drank last night and you offered kind words to me this morning. Now I remind you that there is hope...each moment you move through carries such...each time we make a mistake there's always the chance to start afresh. This message carries hope. I love the poem you chose by Emily Dickinson
Your post really spoke to me because your wrote from yes your own hard place but mine too. Especially when you said 'I gave myself permission to drink over my feelings'. Thats exactly what i did last night too. So we had different triggers but the same consequence arose of picking up the first drink. This only shows how in need you (we) were at that time. I hope you can offer yourself some care tonight. Remember today (and tomorrow) is another new day. Here's the last verse from another wee poem about hope by one of my favourite poets - liz lochead
Hard to unfankle this.
But you can help me. Loosen
All these knots and listen
I cannot plainly tell you this, but, if you care
Then - beyond all harm and hurt -
Real hope is there
Your post really spoke to me because your wrote from yes your own hard place but mine too. Especially when you said 'I gave myself permission to drink over my feelings'. Thats exactly what i did last night too. So we had different triggers but the same consequence arose of picking up the first drink. This only shows how in need you (we) were at that time. I hope you can offer yourself some care tonight. Remember today (and tomorrow) is another new day. Here's the last verse from another wee poem about hope by one of my favourite poets - liz lochead
Hard to unfankle this.
But you can help me. Loosen
All these knots and listen
I cannot plainly tell you this, but, if you care
Then - beyond all harm and hurt -
Real hope is there
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