Hello, Newbie here and ready to admit I need help/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Hello, Newbie here and ready to admit I need help/
Hi all, I'm new here. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, but I certainly do have a problem with alcohol and binge drinking. I can go with drink for a few weeks, but when I do drink I can't stop. I blackout and can't remember what I said or did. My husband says I alternate between being loving and then just turning into a snarling, nasty person.
Last month I went to see a concert with a friend, we went to the pub for an hour first, I am ashamed to admit I cannot remember the concert because I poured so much alcohol down my throat. Apparently I went for a wee behind some bushes in the carpark at the end and fell over and couldn't get up. Paramedics helped me up and I didn't know anything about it until my friend texted me and told me the next day.
On Thursday I fancied a drink after work, so I bought a litre bottle of JD, I drank nearly 3 quarters of it on my own. I spent all of Friday alternating between the bathroom and bed. My chest hurt and it scared me. Enough is enough. All my adult life this has been the same pattern, don't drink for a while then I go mad. I can't cope with the shame, the hangovers or guilt anymore.
Last month I went to see a concert with a friend, we went to the pub for an hour first, I am ashamed to admit I cannot remember the concert because I poured so much alcohol down my throat. Apparently I went for a wee behind some bushes in the carpark at the end and fell over and couldn't get up. Paramedics helped me up and I didn't know anything about it until my friend texted me and told me the next day.
On Thursday I fancied a drink after work, so I bought a litre bottle of JD, I drank nearly 3 quarters of it on my own. I spent all of Friday alternating between the bathroom and bed. My chest hurt and it scared me. Enough is enough. All my adult life this has been the same pattern, don't drink for a while then I go mad. I can't cope with the shame, the hangovers or guilt anymore.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Welcome! Do you know what it means to be an alcoholic? I used to have a pretty screwed up perception of what an alcoholic is. I wasn't living in the streets asking for change and drinking thunderbird so I must not have been one!
Then I learned what it meant to be one. Looked at the thinking thing.
And my thinking was the same as the gutter drunk and also the high priced attorney.
So, the main thing for me, other than not just not wantign to drink anymore, was wanting to do something about it- finding something that could help
Me. My thinkin got me to the point of desperation, it wasn't gonna help me get and stay sober.
I found AA and have been sober since. Not only that, but I also love myself and don't regret any of my past behavior.
Then I learned what it meant to be one. Looked at the thinking thing.
And my thinking was the same as the gutter drunk and also the high priced attorney.
So, the main thing for me, other than not just not wantign to drink anymore, was wanting to do something about it- finding something that could help
Me. My thinkin got me to the point of desperation, it wasn't gonna help me get and stay sober.
I found AA and have been sober since. Not only that, but I also love myself and don't regret any of my past behavior.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Welcome to our wonderful community. Wellness is a wonderful thing and nobody needs alcohol to be well. Cheering for you as you walk this amazing path with us. We love having new friends join us, so YAY!!! So glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 9
I guess I equate full blown alcoholic with not being able to go a day without a drink, hiding bottles everywhere so drink is always available.
I feel ashamed, no-one is making a big thing of it at home, but when they tell me about my behaviour when I've been drunk I want to crawl under a rock. I know I have a problem, I just can't stop at one drink, I have to throw it down my neck like it's going out of fashion. I'm thinking back now and all my adult life when I have been out drinking, it has always been until I have been comatose. In the past I have woken up in bed with strangers, woken up in hospital. I've known I've had a problem for a while but it's so easy to sweep under the carpet, people make light of getting drunk in our culture, but seeing my kids uncomfortable cos I've had a drink makes me want to cry. I'm sitting here shaking because this is the first time I have openly admitted to anyone else that I have a problem.
Thank you for the warm welcome
I feel ashamed, no-one is making a big thing of it at home, but when they tell me about my behaviour when I've been drunk I want to crawl under a rock. I know I have a problem, I just can't stop at one drink, I have to throw it down my neck like it's going out of fashion. I'm thinking back now and all my adult life when I have been out drinking, it has always been until I have been comatose. In the past I have woken up in bed with strangers, woken up in hospital. I've known I've had a problem for a while but it's so easy to sweep under the carpet, people make light of getting drunk in our culture, but seeing my kids uncomfortable cos I've had a drink makes me want to cry. I'm sitting here shaking because this is the first time I have openly admitted to anyone else that I have a problem.
Thank you for the warm welcome
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 929
Welcome, Lady.
Your becoming aware of the problem is the biggest step toward fixing it. The good news is you no longer have to live like this. It will take some effort and work on changing your thinking and habits, but is totally doable and and worth it! If you would like to read an eye-opening examination of drinking culture in the UK and how to escape it I recommend Jason Vale's book Kick the Drink.
Good luck and feel better!
Your becoming aware of the problem is the biggest step toward fixing it. The good news is you no longer have to live like this. It will take some effort and work on changing your thinking and habits, but is totally doable and and worth it! If you would like to read an eye-opening examination of drinking culture in the UK and how to escape it I recommend Jason Vale's book Kick the Drink.
Good luck and feel better!
I got sober over five years ago and my life is so much better now. Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I was a part time alcoholic one time. But I persevered and finally became a full time alcoholic. Then I wanted to prove I was better than everyone else - I tend to do that - and I started being an alcoholic putting in a lot of overtime. I was doing the work of two or three alcoholics. Fortunately I was able to quit before I achieved legend status. But I was on my way.
My recommendation is that on the days you don't drink, continue to not drink. On the days that you would drink, figure out a way to stop drinking on those days too. That should cover it.
My recommendation is that on the days you don't drink, continue to not drink. On the days that you would drink, figure out a way to stop drinking on those days too. That should cover it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Thanks LB. I've been doing a lot of thinking and looking back and I can see the signs were always there, some sticky situations I've been in through drink all through my life starting in my late teens up to present day. I might not drink for a couple of weeks, but then I binge, I drink until I black out. That's not normal is it, I mainly drink at home, but wherever I am there is no off button once I start. I can't go on like this, after drinking my body hurts. I've talked to my husband and he says I just need to control myself, but that's the point I can't. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 50,288
Welcome ladyingreen - we're so glad to have you with us.
I was the same way - once it was in my system, I never knew what might happen. It was dangerous in the end - and I had grown completely dependent on it. It isn't how often we drink, but what happens to us when we do drink. I spent decades trying to manage it so it could just be fun and not a problem - but it never happened. It was much easier to just stop all together than to try and pretend I had any control. You can do it.
I was the same way - once it was in my system, I never knew what might happen. It was dangerous in the end - and I had grown completely dependent on it. It isn't how often we drink, but what happens to us when we do drink. I spent decades trying to manage it so it could just be fun and not a problem - but it never happened. It was much easier to just stop all together than to try and pretend I had any control. You can do it.
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