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Need some support...plain & simple

Old 04-24-2015, 09:15 PM
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Need some support...plain & simple

Hi there,
I have been living with my alcoholic boyfriend for about 3 years now. I am single mom of 2 boys ages 7 & 9. He doesn't have kids of his own and never wanted to and there are definitely issues when the kids are around.

He gets very frustrated and impatient with them quite easily, he doesn't want to be involved in family outings or get togethers, shows little interest in birthdays, etc. On weekends, he starts drinking at about 10 am and goes until he passes out. He drinks weeknights as well and ends up passed out on the couch until 4 am. His dog is his baby and he definitely favours him over my children.

He has said he wanted to quit drinking and that flies for about 5 days then he has excuses to start again like "work is stressful, your kids are stressful, money issues". When I do try to talk to him about his drinking, he says he knows he's an alcoholic but he's functioning well. How he describes it as "I don't get mean or yell when I'm drunk and yes I get too drunk when friends are over, but I'm trying to have a good time and I go to work everyday, making a good wage."
He said he was going to arrange counseling through work but that never happened.

He spends a lot of money on alcohol and that also poses an issue with finances.

He is very convincing and manipulative, he loves attention from other women and says to me he is just trying to be nice and likes paying compliments to everyone.

There is so much more and I don't want to keep rambling on, but it's just a start to get things off my chest.
Thanks for "listening"!
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:23 PM
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How long have you guys been together?

What's more important to you? Relationship with your boyfriend, or your kids? If the latter, honestly, I would ditch him and find someone else who does like kids and can provide a positive role model. Right now, it sounds as though he could be permanently damaging your kids by teaching them this is how fathers are supposed to act.

Sorry if I was too harsh.
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:30 PM
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Hi and welcome allplayedout

Sounds like you need some support, and I know you'll find a lot of support and understanding here, both in this forum and our Family and Friends forums too

D
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:31 PM
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What Troy said. ^^^^
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:39 PM
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Hi, would it be better if he didn't live with you? It doesn't sound like a lifestyle that's suitable for children to see.
He's kidding himself, as A's do, about the extent of his problem, because if he considered it seriously he'd have to do something about it.
At the moment he's not contributing much to your partnership on an emotional level, and I'm guessing you're carrying most of the load around the house and with the finances. In that sense, his alcoholism is a problem for you, if not for him.
You won't be able to make him stop drinking, because unless he's convinced himself that it's necessary his half-arsed attempts will always fail. So the decision you're left with is how it impacts your life, and what your bottom line is.
I thing Al-anon (for the families, not the alcoholic) would be a great first step.
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:28 PM
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i am speaking from experience, walk, no run away and never come back. You already know he does not like your kids, what else do you need. Three years in an adult life is a short time, but three years in a child"s life is a life time.

Kids are not as naive as we sometimes believe. They are like little sponges. Their early years are highly impressionable and easily influenced. They need to feel welcomed 100% of the time. Sounds like your AB is not a good match for you at this time.
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:17 AM
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No offense, but before you even got to the alcohol part, I'd be gone! Those boys don't deserve to be around someone who dislikes them, and believe me, they KNOW. Why would you even expose them to that? they need to live out their childhoods in a safe, well-adjusted environment. I am certain you love them enough to want them in your life until the day you die. What they are seeing now is that their mom chose a louse over them, and likely will want out of that house as soon as they can leave. Please do what's best for them.
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:20 AM
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^^ Exactly.

Just think, how do you want your boys to treat your future grand children?
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Old 04-25-2015, 08:40 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Allplayedout!!
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