Drinking.
 

Hi,

I made it 34 days and now I'm drinking a glass of wine. I spent 3 days in the woods with my students and it was really fun. Been craving a drink and was definitely looking for an excuse to have a drink. Can I handle it?? I don't know. It's almost like I need to prove it to myself.. But one day doesn't mean I can do this all the time, or that I should. Will check In later. Praying I can hold it together. Ugh. Hoping this is a place I can be honest and not judged when I fail..

I'm sorry you've decided to drink again strangeangel.

Recently you said 'I need to remember those terrible times'.

Stop this now before it becomes another terrible time.

D

I agree with D it wont solve anything try & pour it away and try to rest we'l be here for you 24/7 if you let us

I know I know. But having so much will power all the time is exhausting. I had to be so positive and so "on" all the time that it was too hard to say no tonight. It's so hard every day to have so much will power. To think through every situation and have that internal struggle every single day is depressing and scary and exhausting. It's just easier to not over think it. I don't know what to do

It is exhausting using will power.

I found it especially exhausting because part of my will still wanted to drink.

Acceptance worked better for me. Accepting I was an alcoholic and that alcohol would never be a good option for me really help take away a lot of that teeth gritting tension.

Have you read the stop drinking books by Allen Carr or Jason Vale? They may help you accept how dangerous and futile turning to alcohol is.

You'll find them and a lot more books besides here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html
D

it ain't willpower that you need

it's WON'T POWER. I won't have that glass of wine... That the power right there.

sh*t that was funny :D

strangeangel do you have a recovery plan?

Bravo for being honest and posting. Only you can decide what's right for you.

Strangeangel, how are you friend? Oh how that urge to drink creeps up on us, I know that feeling well, I succumb to it on occasion and always regret the results.

You know, I am learning to ask myself questions, like why am I drinking. Why do I want to drink, what do I like about drinking. I mean right now I have 8 days sober, and I think about the time and I think to myself why do you drink Jeremy.

A glass of wine is a glass of wine, 2 glasses of wine are 2 glasses of wine. The feeling is good, endorphin's get fired thats what science says, then the feeling fades and your left to your own devices. I am dealing with this myself, drinking adds no value to my life, but makes me feel good for a moment.

Please consider your decision tonight, stop if you can, tomorrow is a new day. We all slip, and if my case I've slipped a lot, but I ,keep getting up because I want this, I want sobriety. I believe you are posting because you want sobriety too, we can do this. I have faith in you.

When I saw the post the other day, about you quitting the Antabuse, I was afraid the next post of yours would be a drinking post.

The relapse starts way before the drink. If you decide to return to sobriety, I hope you remember that.

Thanks everyone. I'm definitely a mess And feel like no ones understands me right now. Especially my fiancé. But I learned s lesson. Tomorrow I start over. I just don't want to take Antabuse forever. I have a therapist and am not an aa person. What do I do?? I can't fight every day. I'm too tired of dealing with my addictions. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's ok. I'm tired of being tough

I'm not in a 'place' to give advice right now but I couldn't read and not reply.

This statement -

is exactly where I was about 3 hours ago. The pile of soggy tissues in the bin next to my desk can support that! I was feeling physically and emotionally drained and like I don't know where I was going to get the strength to fight this.

I've distracted myself by working - thankfully I've got plans for Saturday night so I can't drink as it is 4:15 am in the UK and I am going to be dog-tired and my will power is at it's least effective when I'm tired.

My problem now is I daren't stop working as I need the distraction otherwise the loneliness is going to hit again. I don't have any alcohol in so that's not the issue - it's the emotions I'm not up to.

I am sorry I have no advice to give x

Strangeangel you've heard about HALT? If you have a craving to drink you should check if you are

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

and deal with those.

After three days camping with your students I suspect you were extremely tired, I have been in that situation dozens of times. Next time be aware of HALT, it really helps. I imagine you were Hungry and Tired, it also sounds like you were Lonely.

Like Marcher said, you might be exhausted and if you look at HALT, if you can address all those aspects, then I really hope that it will help. Personally I feel exhausted after camping! Last time I camped at a music festival I slept for 14 hours afterwards!

Don't be too hard on yourself, just look at where you went wrong and what happened and plan for next time :-)

The 'craving' subsides a little each month that passes. You have to do this for you and you only. One day at a time

Why aren't you an AA person. Bad experience or just running on assumptions?

Hi.

I’m an AA person, approaching 38 years, and believe me I’m far better off than looking up at the roots.

The fact is most people who are alcoholics don’t/can’t get much sober time together without help.
Relapse and the chances of sobriety = a far less chance of recovery.

The bottom line is we need to WANT to be sober and get honest with ourselves about our drinking THEN accept the fact we can no longer drink in safety one day at a time.

Alcoholism is progressive and never gets better, if we don’t pick up for 20 years the drinking in a very short time will have progressed like we haven’t stopped at all. Seldom does recovery have a chance.

We need to remember that alcohol is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious. With help we can control it.

BE WELL

I've found, in my own struggles, that when I was exhausted by my sobriety, it was because I was fighting my addiction, meaning fighting to not drink. Sobriety became easier when I took a recovery minded approach, where I embraced living and loving the sober life, learned to deal with the issues that in the past prompted drinking.

The cravings are strong because your addiction knows it can get you to cave and drink. Probably knows you cite exhaustion as the reason. But being strong is the only way to make the craving lessen. Drinking only make it more insistent the next time.

Have you truly accepted never drinking? Ever? I know I've gone into stretches of sobriety, made vows to quit when in the back of my mind I knew I was going to drink...at some point. This last time quitting was different. I was done and I knew it. I still struggled, relapsed a few times. But I have returned from each relapse more determined to get and remain clean and sober. I also worked my sobriety around a recovery plan that supported strengthened my decision to quit.

I wish you equal success.

Thanks everyone. Definitely not feeling great today. I guess I don't have a recovery plan. I see my therapist once a week and have been doing yoga, etc. And then there's Antabuse.

Well, I guess it's back to the starting line. Feeling disappointed in myself, but I guess I needed to show myself I definitely can't do it. Hopefully this time will be better and easier. All I can do is move fwd.

Definitely should have used halt last time. I was so excited to come home from camping to see my fiancé and I thought he would be excited too. He says he was but I didn't feel it. He talked about his new tattoo and career a lot. I was feeling lonely. I knew drinking more would make it worse., but as we went out to dinner I only felt more invisible to him. He got annoyed when I forgot about his new tattoo and hugged him since it hurt. I tried to just ignore how sad I felt. And then of course started crying when I tried to explain how I felt. Then he got upset that I was crying. I should have played the tape to the end. I just don't feel close to him and I don't know how to fix it. I've felt like it a lot recently and am just really down.

Strangeangel, sorry you are struggling! Look like some great tips on the thread! Chin up you can do this!