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I am very weak right now

Old 04-24-2015, 05:24 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
That is what is SO perplexing. Why, if did not cause - cannot cure - nor control, am I responding to my brother's current condition, my sister's past condition, or my family of origin's history of dysfunction? Is it because I canot deal with the pain or is it a pattern learned many years ago? No one was able to tell me HOW to deal with anything.
Some of it is genetic. While neither of my parents ever drank or got drunk when I was growing up, the alcoholism gene seems to run strong in our family. I thought I had evaded that gene, but was wrong.

While we can't control what others do in terms of their relationship with alcohol or anything else, we can control what we do ourselves. It is ultimately up to us whether we destroy ourselves with alcohol or not. The destruction that alcohol has wraught on your family can stop with you.
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:26 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
That is what is SO perplexing. Why, if did not cause - cannot cure - nor control, am I responding to my brother's current condition, my sister's past condition, or my family of origin's history of dysfunction? Is it because I canot deal with the pain or is it a pattern learned many years ago? No one was able to tell me HOW to deal with anything.
I had a little counselling - I think that would really help you too - but really the default position for me in early recovery was to sit with the feelings.

This was very hard to do because I'd convinced myself the pain of doing that might just kill me.

It didn't.

I'm not downplaying your pain at all - but we never know how capable we are until we take the crutches away.

I'm not suggesting you suffer in stoic silence either - do reach out to the support you have...I'm not going to lie - it will hurt. Yell you need help from the rooftops

but I don't think pushing the pain to one side by drinking makes it hurt any less...it just postpones the pain...but prolongs the agony.

D
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:28 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
And yes, I actually did go out and get some vodka and had a drink. What a way to deal with things eh?
Not sure but, it seems to prove itself over and over yet again,
that if one is truly alcoholic ?
Booze just never seems to work for long.

For me, there seemed to always be a price to pay
somewhere down the long hard road.

For most alcoholics if they live long enough and stay sober,
they realize that this is the life they always longed for.

Mountainmanbob
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:28 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I really appreciate and understand (I think) what everyone is saying. You all make sense and I get that you are trying to help. What is frustrating for me is that I've intellectualized a lot of things... and I "get it" on that level. But when it comes down to you and your real feelings (not something described in a book or paper) it seems like cold comfort. No one can understand what another person feels... that is a fact. One can approximate, but that is it. But thank you all anyway... I feel the love and support here that I never got from y own family (tribe)
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:33 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
No one can understand what another person feels... that is a fact. One can approximate, but that is it.
AF, in my experience, when i share it, i find out what it is...approximately.
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:33 PM
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Read your signature my friend
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:43 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Thank you all very much! Truly! No bullsh** here. I guess I better log off now. Good night.. or morning or afternoon...wherever you are. Love
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:50 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I really appreciate and understand (I think) what everyone is saying. You all make sense and I get that you are trying to help. What is frustrating for me is that I've intellectualized a lot of things... and I "get it" on that level. But when it comes down to you and your real feelings (not something described in a book or paper) it seems like cold comfort. No one can understand what another person feels... that is a fact. One can approximate, but that is it. But thank you all anyway... I feel the love and support here that I never got from y own family (tribe)
boy, I know about the intellectualizing. As a childhood friend of mine puts it, a phd can't trump a childhood. But there are paths out. I've seen many amazing stories of recovery and renewal.
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Old 04-24-2015, 05:54 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I feel the love and support here that I never got from my own family (tribe)
Me, too, AF. I never learned a thing about dealing with life in my family, either. I know that SR is a family for many of us.

I hope you get rid of the alcohol and get some rest. You cannot fix your brother's problems and that's sad, but it's true.
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Old 04-24-2015, 06:28 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Drinking or not is our choice. As painful as it is I choose to live in the solution and not the problem.

There will always be a reason to drink and sometimes some pretty good ones but unfortunately drinking always leads us to the place we want be even less than were we are now.

Tomorrow will be another day full of hope and promise. You can do this
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Old 04-24-2015, 06:53 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I hope that you are sound asleep, ArtFriend, and that your dreams are kind and gentle ones.

We'll talk again tomorrow.
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Old 04-25-2015, 12:21 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Hey AF ,
new day today 8:20 am here . I hope you make the next decision the right one
Affirmative action for self preservation is required .

Bestwishes , m
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Old 04-25-2015, 12:36 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Is it because I canot deal with the pain or is it a pattern learned many years ago? No one was able to tell me HOW to deal with anything.
Maybe they weren't able to tell you how to deal with anything, and you have (like the rest of us) decided that drinking to change our perception of reality would give us relief from the things we didn't feel that we could / wanted to face. The thing is, only YOU can change what you choose to do about it now. You can drink on it and forget about it for a few hours then feel even more ****. Or you can seek out people who CAN tell you HOW to deal with everything. (Disclaimer: They may not always say things you want to hear).

We are all different, but to me there were two distinct parts of becoming sober and living a life of sobriety.

1 - stopping drinking. Every day. No more alcohol. Full stop

2. Learning to deal with everything (because if you don't do that, you're always likely to fall back on that crutch and try to change your perception of that 'everything')

Number one wasn't so hard for the first month - then got progressively more difficult as more and more 'everything' was bubbling up and I had no way of dealing with it other than soothing my feelings with alcohol. I nearly had a breakdown.
My personal number two - the learning- came when I started working a 12-step program (in AA). Promise number 11 is 'We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us'. I'm not at the intuitively stage yet - but I believe it will come, and in the meantime I now have the tools to work through my issues rather than drink on them.

Please. Get rid of the vodka. You know that it's not the answer. It's the one thing that is likely to stop you finding the answer. Good luck.
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:44 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Hope you are feeling a little better this morning.
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:46 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Good morning all - I am very thankful for your support last night. I threw away the rest of the vodka this morning and will start again on my sober journey. Falling down last night was epic fail, but another learning experience. Thank you again for your kind words of wisdom and support.
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:57 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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You are in my heart Art!

You are learning and growing. Just want to tell you we are here for you.
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Old 04-25-2015, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
You are in my heart Art!

You are learning and growing. Just want to tell you we are here for you.
Thank you sweetie!
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