I am very weak right now
That is what is SO perplexing. Why, if did not cause - cannot cure - nor control, am I responding to my brother's current condition, my sister's past condition, or my family of origin's history of dysfunction? Is it because I canot deal with the pain or is it a pattern learned many years ago? No one was able to tell me HOW to deal with anything.
While we can't control what others do in terms of their relationship with alcohol or anything else, we can control what we do ourselves. It is ultimately up to us whether we destroy ourselves with alcohol or not. The destruction that alcohol has wraught on your family can stop with you.
That is what is SO perplexing. Why, if did not cause - cannot cure - nor control, am I responding to my brother's current condition, my sister's past condition, or my family of origin's history of dysfunction? Is it because I canot deal with the pain or is it a pattern learned many years ago? No one was able to tell me HOW to deal with anything.
This was very hard to do because I'd convinced myself the pain of doing that might just kill me.
It didn't.
I'm not downplaying your pain at all - but we never know how capable we are until we take the crutches away.
I'm not suggesting you suffer in stoic silence either - do reach out to the support you have...I'm not going to lie - it will hurt. Yell you need help from the rooftops
but I don't think pushing the pain to one side by drinking makes it hurt any less...it just postpones the pain...but prolongs the agony.
D
that if one is truly alcoholic ?
Booze just never seems to work for long.
For me, there seemed to always be a price to pay
somewhere down the long hard road.
For most alcoholics if they live long enough and stay sober,
they realize that this is the life they always longed for.
Mountainmanbob
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I really appreciate and understand (I think) what everyone is saying. You all make sense and I get that you are trying to help. What is frustrating for me is that I've intellectualized a lot of things... and I "get it" on that level. But when it comes down to you and your real feelings (not something described in a book or paper) it seems like cold comfort. No one can understand what another person feels... that is a fact. One can approximate, but that is it. But thank you all anyway... I feel the love and support here that I never got from y own family (tribe)
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
I really appreciate and understand (I think) what everyone is saying. You all make sense and I get that you are trying to help. What is frustrating for me is that I've intellectualized a lot of things... and I "get it" on that level. But when it comes down to you and your real feelings (not something described in a book or paper) it seems like cold comfort. No one can understand what another person feels... that is a fact. One can approximate, but that is it. But thank you all anyway... I feel the love and support here that I never got from y own family (tribe)
I hope you get rid of the alcohol and get some rest. You cannot fix your brother's problems and that's sad, but it's true.
Drinking or not is our choice. As painful as it is I choose to live in the solution and not the problem.
There will always be a reason to drink and sometimes some pretty good ones but unfortunately drinking always leads us to the place we want be even less than were we are now.
Tomorrow will be another day full of hope and promise. You can do this
There will always be a reason to drink and sometimes some pretty good ones but unfortunately drinking always leads us to the place we want be even less than were we are now.
Tomorrow will be another day full of hope and promise. You can do this
We are all different, but to me there were two distinct parts of becoming sober and living a life of sobriety.
1 - stopping drinking. Every day. No more alcohol. Full stop
2. Learning to deal with everything (because if you don't do that, you're always likely to fall back on that crutch and try to change your perception of that 'everything')
Number one wasn't so hard for the first month - then got progressively more difficult as more and more 'everything' was bubbling up and I had no way of dealing with it other than soothing my feelings with alcohol. I nearly had a breakdown.
My personal number two - the learning- came when I started working a 12-step program (in AA). Promise number 11 is 'We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us'. I'm not at the intuitively stage yet - but I believe it will come, and in the meantime I now have the tools to work through my issues rather than drink on them.
Please. Get rid of the vodka. You know that it's not the answer. It's the one thing that is likely to stop you finding the answer. Good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Good morning all - I am very thankful for your support last night. I threw away the rest of the vodka this morning and will start again on my sober journey. Falling down last night was epic fail, but another learning experience. Thank you again for your kind words of wisdom and support.
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