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Old 04-23-2015, 02:27 PM
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Narcissistic

Went to my counselling appointment today, and was told that I am narcissistic, the doctor asked me in recovery where do I see my place in my family ( he said that I say I care so much about) I told him I felt like recovery for me comes first then family.

He said, " they aren't independent entities" I don't know that I agree. I think in a way they are still seperate. I am not surprised by being called narcissistic, I know I am. However, I've always felt that first comes recovery then family. I mean what active role can I play in a family if I am not sober?

He also wanted to talk about my family that I had when I grew up. My education, my experiences, my friends. Everything I shared was very uncomfortable for me, I told him so. I even got a bit paranoid
( normal for me) and couldn't help think what does that all have to do with being sober? I know he's just trying to build a vision or image of me, and get a understanding for me. I was just put into a place of vulnerability I don't normally like to be in.

Hope everyones day is going well, thanks for reading.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:01 PM
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Hi Jeremy.

I am glad that you had that counseling experience and that you are writing about it here. There is a lot of good stuff to check out on the web about narcissism if you are interested, including serious psychological theories in books and articles. I got very interested in it a few months ago and jumped into learning about it quite deeply... my interest came from my own experiences with people who have narcissistic tendencies, and how I tend to relate to them -- it really intrigued me. If you are going to read up on it, I would be selective in what info I value, perhaps get some recommendation from your counselor; I think there is also a lot of misleading and superficial stuff around about this that often comes from resentments of people who were in relationships with people that had narcissistic features, and demonize the whole thing probably excessively, mythologize it, etc. I have also seen a few interesting threads on narcissism in the F&F sections and I would recommend them to you. If you learn about it more, you will see that the vulnerability/insecurity is in the essence, and the "typical" behaviors are coping mechanisms.

I agree with your counselor that recovery and family do not need to be separated necessarily, they are never isolated and perhaps black and white thinking is just another kind of defense. You often discuss your family yourself: daughter, wife, etc. But yeah, you got to take recovery seriously and prioritize it in order to even have a chance to repair your family relationships. And maybe listen to those that are trying to help you instead of yourself, for a while. See what happens that way. You say in this post that recovery comes first for you, but your history does not speak for that at all so far. Make it happen! Based on what you just wrote, perhaps the feature that your counselor criticized (if it's genuine) could actually come to your advantage if you could put all your energies into recovery in an honest way.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:11 PM
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Thank Haennie, that is where the cards fell. Once behavior is analyzed, processed and there is a determination of meaning, that is what really scares me. Narcissistic or not, its coming to terms with where I am at.

Honestly, I've never done a thing for my family drunk or half drunk, I haven't drank in like a week, but that doesn't mean anything, I've gotten good at going 7 to 20 days sober. Then going off again and going through the rounds. Better in the sense I am a world away from daily drinking, but worlds away from real sobriety.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:37 PM
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I'm glad you're going to therapy Jeremy...as uncomfortable as it might be I really think it will help you work through a lot of stuff

D
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