Checking in at 4+ months.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
Checking in at 4+ months.
I figured a little update to my progress was in order.
I've heard people say that life still carries on after you get sober and how you handle it is what affects the quality of a newly sober life. I am starting to get to a point where I am learning to handle life curveballs and negative situations without rushing out and needing to drink/use.
Recently my former wife has started dating somebody else and at first it didn't bother me because I am not in love with her anymore. We have been separated for 6+months, but things were definitely not working for at least a year prior to that. How I dealt with a miserable marriage was to drink/use. Now I do not have that option anymore because it is too destructive. I have been noticing a crucial point rising up in me that has caused me to drink before. It is the negative feelings of anger, sadness, and discomfort that I used to escape from by drinking. Now I have to find new ways to navigate these emotions without the instant escape from them by using.
What I am doing different this time around is, therapy, SR, exercise, and group counselling for depression and anxiety. This is actually working. I spoke about this recent "development" in my separation and divorce at group this morning, and therapy after that, and I must say, some of the pressure is alleviated! This is the first time in recent memory where I did not relapse to escape the pressure. I also decided to post here for this very reason. To speak about it and take some of the power out of the craving.
As far as dating goes, I just don't feel ready yet. I mulled over the idea of dating somebody just to help me forget the grief I am experiencing, but that would not be fair to them. I would just be using them in the same way I use substances to escape and fill the void.
I learned the 10-90 equation today. Basically life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we deal with it. So if I apply this to my situation, the 10% being yeah my wife is moving on with somebody and it bothers me, what can I do for the 90% on my part where I react to it? I know for certain a relapse would be the stupidest thing I could possibly do, and my little AV is trying to nudge me and say "just let off some steam, have a little drink". I am just hitting the ignore button on my AV though because I have been conned one to many times. I just want time to pass and for myself to heal.
Thank you for listening.
Justin
I've heard people say that life still carries on after you get sober and how you handle it is what affects the quality of a newly sober life. I am starting to get to a point where I am learning to handle life curveballs and negative situations without rushing out and needing to drink/use.
Recently my former wife has started dating somebody else and at first it didn't bother me because I am not in love with her anymore. We have been separated for 6+months, but things were definitely not working for at least a year prior to that. How I dealt with a miserable marriage was to drink/use. Now I do not have that option anymore because it is too destructive. I have been noticing a crucial point rising up in me that has caused me to drink before. It is the negative feelings of anger, sadness, and discomfort that I used to escape from by drinking. Now I have to find new ways to navigate these emotions without the instant escape from them by using.
What I am doing different this time around is, therapy, SR, exercise, and group counselling for depression and anxiety. This is actually working. I spoke about this recent "development" in my separation and divorce at group this morning, and therapy after that, and I must say, some of the pressure is alleviated! This is the first time in recent memory where I did not relapse to escape the pressure. I also decided to post here for this very reason. To speak about it and take some of the power out of the craving.
As far as dating goes, I just don't feel ready yet. I mulled over the idea of dating somebody just to help me forget the grief I am experiencing, but that would not be fair to them. I would just be using them in the same way I use substances to escape and fill the void.
I learned the 10-90 equation today. Basically life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we deal with it. So if I apply this to my situation, the 10% being yeah my wife is moving on with somebody and it bothers me, what can I do for the 90% on my part where I react to it? I know for certain a relapse would be the stupidest thing I could possibly do, and my little AV is trying to nudge me and say "just let off some steam, have a little drink". I am just hitting the ignore button on my AV though because I have been conned one to many times. I just want time to pass and for myself to heal.
Thank you for listening.
Justin
Justin, great post! Congratulations on 4 months.
It's hard when your partner moves on, even if it wasn't working out and you know the ending was for the best. It's ok to mourn that. I've been there myself. I also think it shows a lot of insight to not start dating now. There's no rush.
Awesome. Thanks.
It's hard when your partner moves on, even if it wasn't working out and you know the ending was for the best. It's ok to mourn that. I've been there myself. I also think it shows a lot of insight to not start dating now. There's no rush.
Awesome. Thanks.
Congrats on your 4+ months Justin - sounds like you're dealing with those curveballs.
Congrats on not getting into revenge dating either. Take your time.
Spend a little time with yourself and I guarantee you thank yourself for it later, when you are ready to date
D
Congrats on not getting into revenge dating either. Take your time.
Spend a little time with yourself and I guarantee you thank yourself for it later, when you are ready to date
D
Justin....
I think you're making remarkable progress at 4 months..... those rising up emotions are the stuff of our heart, our wounds, our stifled soul cries.
It's important not to try and run from them or evade them or stuff them back into the boxes and crannies from whence they came.
These human emotions are in fact, part of Being Human. Allowing them space to come forth, providing a safe environment like therapy, group counseling, places to be seen and heard - these are vital steps to coming into balance and being at peace with them.
You're on the right track, congratulations and thank you for sharing. Keep it up!!! It gets better.
I think you're making remarkable progress at 4 months..... those rising up emotions are the stuff of our heart, our wounds, our stifled soul cries.
It's important not to try and run from them or evade them or stuff them back into the boxes and crannies from whence they came.
These human emotions are in fact, part of Being Human. Allowing them space to come forth, providing a safe environment like therapy, group counseling, places to be seen and heard - these are vital steps to coming into balance and being at peace with them.
You're on the right track, congratulations and thank you for sharing. Keep it up!!! It gets better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
You are just incredible!!!
I have followed your progress and I am proud of you. You sound mature and level headed. So happy that you are getting past all hurdles and have kept your eye on the prize.
Lets keep going!!!
You are just incredible!!!
I have followed your progress and I am proud of you. You sound mature and level headed. So happy that you are getting past all hurdles and have kept your eye on the prize.
Lets keep going!!!
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