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-   -   Checking in at 4+ months. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/365364-checking-4-months.html)

Justincredible 04-22-2015 11:24 AM

Checking in at 4+ months.
 
I figured a little update to my progress was in order.

I've heard people say that life still carries on after you get sober and how you handle it is what affects the quality of a newly sober life. I am starting to get to a point where I am learning to handle life curveballs and negative situations without rushing out and needing to drink/use.

Recently my former wife has started dating somebody else and at first it didn't bother me because I am not in love with her anymore. We have been separated for 6+months, but things were definitely not working for at least a year prior to that. How I dealt with a miserable marriage was to drink/use. Now I do not have that option anymore because it is too destructive. I have been noticing a crucial point rising up in me that has caused me to drink before. It is the negative feelings of anger, sadness, and discomfort that I used to escape from by drinking. Now I have to find new ways to navigate these emotions without the instant escape from them by using.

What I am doing different this time around is, therapy, SR, exercise, and group counselling for depression and anxiety. This is actually working. I spoke about this recent "development" in my separation and divorce at group this morning, and therapy after that, and I must say, some of the pressure is alleviated! This is the first time in recent memory where I did not relapse to escape the pressure. I also decided to post here for this very reason. To speak about it and take some of the power out of the craving.

As far as dating goes, I just don't feel ready yet. I mulled over the idea of dating somebody just to help me forget the grief I am experiencing, but that would not be fair to them. I would just be using them in the same way I use substances to escape and fill the void.

I learned the 10-90 equation today. Basically life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we deal with it. So if I apply this to my situation, the 10% being yeah my wife is moving on with somebody and it bothers me, what can I do for the 90% on my part where I react to it? I know for certain a relapse would be the stupidest thing I could possibly do, and my little AV is trying to nudge me and say "just let off some steam, have a little drink". I am just hitting the ignore button on my AV though because I have been conned one to many times. I just want time to pass and for myself to heal.

Thank you for listening.

Justin

Anna 04-22-2015 11:30 AM

Justin, it sounds like you're doing really well. Congratulations!

SoberLeigh 04-22-2015 11:37 AM

Justin, congratulations on four sober months.

Your post is full of insight, growth, and perspective. You have accomplished so much in your four months.

INgal 04-22-2015 11:40 AM

Justin, you've got it go in' on!! You GET it! So very proud of you and much continued success!

Justincredible 04-22-2015 12:22 PM

Thank you you 3! My strongest craving yet and I made it through sober!

PurpleKnight 04-22-2015 01:28 PM

4 Months is fantastic!! :You_Rock_

Ruby2 04-22-2015 01:28 PM

Justin, great post! Congratulations on 4 months.

It's hard when your partner moves on, even if it wasn't working out and you know the ending was for the best. It's ok to mourn that. I've been there myself. I also think it shows a lot of insight to not start dating now. There's no rush.

Awesome. Thanks.

OnMyWay7 04-22-2015 01:40 PM

Justin - sounds like you're doing great. Keep it up

Soberwolf 04-22-2015 01:50 PM

Awesome news Justin well done on 4 months that is exellent

Congrats friend

Dee74 04-22-2015 01:58 PM

Congrats on your 4+ months Justin - sounds like you're dealing with those curveballs.

Congrats on not getting into revenge dating either. Take your time.

Spend a little time with yourself and I guarantee you thank yourself for it later, when you are ready to date :)

D

Suzieq17 04-22-2015 02:31 PM

Was wondering where you were. Glad you checked in and are doing good. Keep it up!!!

strategery 04-22-2015 07:00 PM

Congrats on 4+ months Justincredible!! That is awesome!! Keep up the great work!

SarahB60 04-22-2015 07:24 PM

Fantastic job on 4+ months! Keep on going!

LBrain 04-22-2015 07:27 PM

way to go Justin... you are definitely doing something right.

dwtbd 04-22-2015 07:33 PM

Great post , nice going

Imabuleva 04-22-2015 08:26 PM

Congrats on 4 months man! I enjoyed reading that post. Life does continue on whether we're getting plastered at 9AM or not.

JaneLane 04-23-2015 01:43 AM

I love that 90% 10% equation. That's brilliant and congratulations!

FreeOwl 04-23-2015 04:48 AM

Justin....

I think you're making remarkable progress at 4 months..... those rising up emotions are the stuff of our heart, our wounds, our stifled soul cries.

It's important not to try and run from them or evade them or stuff them back into the boxes and crannies from whence they came.

These human emotions are in fact, part of Being Human. Allowing them space to come forth, providing a safe environment like therapy, group counseling, places to be seen and heard - these are vital steps to coming into balance and being at peace with them.

You're on the right track, congratulations and thank you for sharing. Keep it up!!! It gets better.

:ring

Nowsthetime 04-23-2015 04:57 AM

Hello:

You are just incredible!!!

I have followed your progress and I am proud of you. You sound mature and level headed. So happy that you are getting past all hurdles and have kept your eye on the prize.
Lets keep going!!!

Bailey3 04-23-2015 04:58 AM

Congratulations Justin! That's a great post. Your doing great!


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