Bad day
 

Had a bad day at work today, I was on a full day training and it was with a group of people I didn't know.

I was very anxious on and off throughout, felt very self conscious and at times, was unable to communicate due to being so pre occupied with my thoughts. We did group work and I didn't say much which then re-in forces the negative belief that everyone is looking at me.

It was tough and rather than say "good, I got through it" , I'm feeling bad that I didn't put up a fight to the anxiety.

I really could do with some good advice on how to handle social situations like this, a lot of my problem is all the issues and negativity are in my head and how I got depressed in the first place was that I just couldn't operate with that way of thinking anymore.

Come on my favourite forum buds!, can anyone help me out?

I'm going to fight for my right to do my job to the best of my ability

Hi, Stewy; great to hear that you are back to work.

Maybe when someone offers input, suggestions, you could simply say something along the lines of "I think that we should look into that more." or "You said that well." or "That could be a great place to start." - something generic that implies that you are on the same page or a team player. It could be that breaking the ice like that may make you more comfortable to offer novel input.

You are doing fine, Stewy.

Hey Stewy. Glad to hear you are back at work, I know that was one of your goals. I have anxiety at work too and one of my new tools is to try and concentrate on a specific item and do some deep breathing ( in through the nose, hold, relase through the mouth slowly ) when I start feeling that way. It doesn't always work but it helps.

Maybe getting into a mindset that isn't so easily turned negative. For instance, the one you posted about. Is training really a "social" situation? No, it's work. It's not something you'd choose; you have to go. So did everyone else. Not social, not something to get anxious about.

And speaking of everyone else, you said they were a group of people you didn't know. Didn't know and probably won't see again? So why is their opinion or thoughts about you so important. The easy answer is, "They aren't," but they obviously are for you.

So you might want to work on that. Beyond my abilities, but perhaps counseling would help you.

Hi Stewy,

I find that at work no one seems to care if I don't talk - they more care if me or somone is talking too much. Realize that they may just be looking around but I agree with comments like "That's a good point" or "I never thought of that" people like because you say something and it makes others feel good.

Great job going back to work.

Remember Abe Lincoln's advice: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." I often perceive the quietest person in the room to be the smartest. And the most talkative to be the dumbest.

So, try not to worry. I suspect that your quietness at the training was not looked upon as negatively as you might think.

What firstymer quoted is very true.

I used to start joking. The worse I feel, the more laughs I get, but I don't feel good about it. I tear myself down a lot, haha it's funny, because it's true. I especially hate it when I blurt out a joke about what someone else said or did. That's not really me. So where's the advice? Don't do that.

A lot of people worry about what others think about them, but most people think as much of you, as the other way around. Which isn't a lot, and if they do, they're often projecting their own experience. Maybe there was someone else preoccupied with his or her thoughts and didn't say a word during the meeting, did you notice? Did you feel negativity towards them?

Stewy, I'm glad that you're back at work and I suspect you are being hard on yourself. You felt self-conscious but it's likely no one else noticed it.

Sent you a pm Stewy