2muchpain

I looked into a site called Meetups.com. It's a national website that lists all kinds of social activities in your area that you could join. I figured it would be a great opportunity to get together with non-drinkers to do fun things. Turned out almost all the activities involved drinking at one point or another. I told a therapist I was seeing at the time about it, but she said that it was just an excuse for me not to get out and socialize. She later told me she checked out the site and found out what I said was true.
It's not as easy as some people make it sound to just go out and find sober people to hang out with. John

FreeOwl

true story....

but what I've found is that if we seek to make our OWN sober lives - there are actually many who are interested in being part of it....

lead the way.

Organize a non-booze activity / event / venue and invite people you care about.

Maybe what the world needs now is some leadership in Another Way.

Maybe a gift we can give in sobriety is inviting others to share in what we've found, even if it's only for a hike.....

2muchpain

FreeOwl
Not to rehash old stuff that I've posted before, but for some people, building your own sober life means doing sober things by yourself. I'm sure there are other people on SR that know what I'm talking about. John

FreeOwl

very true.

I just find it is also helpful to build positive, sober community. For me anyway - doing by myself is very important but equally important is social and community togetherness. It was always easy to fall into a trap of loneliness and emotional isolation without community.....

Sometimes we have to search out or even create our own healthy community.

JaneLane

I use that website too! One thing that has happened for me is that I sought out activity based meet ups like visiting art galleries or all going to a seasonal market together. Once I went to a couple of those I actually went to different events with the same people and found a few people that don't drink at all!

MelindaFlowers

I agree. It has become hipster. Like a craftsman thing. So annoying.

SarahB60

I thought pizza being served at Planet Fitness was bad!

2muchpain

I've pretty much given up on finding a social sober community, but I
am curious as to what you mean by creating our own healthy community. John

2muchpain

Just wondering if those activities you joined like visiting art galleries had any drinking after the activity. I did find some on that website that had no drinking involved, like kayaking, but everyone was suppose to get together afterwards at a bar or something. John

JaneLane

As long as it didn't say that they met up in a bar beforehand, I went for it. Afterwards since they were mostly all day activities we all went for dinner rather than for a drink. Plus as they're new people they only know me as drinking soft drinks :-)

thenewguy

This is very true. I'm at 20 months sober, and I've been looking to socialize more; AA is cool, just looking to broaden my horizons a bit. There was a cafe nearby that was advertising a "board game night", which was cool because I love all kinds of games. Turns out it was a "Board n' Brew", where they sit around drinking their crappy microbrews while playing, which I imagine would get obnoxious pretty quick. This town has a dark, underlying drinking scene. I wish there was more sober stuff to do, or I wouldn't be such a hermit all the time.

2muchpain

thenewguy,

Sorry the board game night thing didn't work out for you. It did sound like a cool thing to do. I read somewhere here on SR that lonliness and boredom are the two worse things an alcoholic can deal with. My psychiatrist said the same thing. Some people on SR went back to drinking because of that. Sad, but understandable. Just seems like many people like us are caught between a rock and a hard place. Hope you manage to stay strong and keep fighting the good fight. Ya never know what tomorrow will bring. John

FreeOwl

Hey John...

What I mean is;

Invite one or two select people who you think might be interested to join you on a hike sometime.

Branch out and try new things that are not about alcohol - actively seek to make connections with people you see who don't center their lives around booze.

Recently, I invited a guy I know - who does drink, but who I also know is a soulful person who doesn't drink much and who seeks a higher plane in life - to join me in regular time in nature. Time spent just sharing our life struggles and triumphs and dreams. I clearly said to him "you know what I think I'm missing and men in general are missing in this modern world? Tribal, heartful connection. Time spent together that isn't about boozing. Time seeing and being seen." He agreed totally and shared feeling that same isolation and loss. I think there are many in the world today who have a longing for simple, real, comradeship. Because it is SO missing, the surrogate is to gather around sporting events and booze.... but that is a sad subsitute at best.

If we have the courage to open ourselves to others and create our own tribe that is about non-drinking time spent in this world together; we may be surprised.

There is a group of folks I know who get together regularly to share poetry. They do so over tea - not booze. Look for something like that. If there's not one, start one. If poetry's not your thing, maybe woodworking is... or birdwatching... or whatever interests you. If there's not a group doing that thing - create one. Invite people. Put an event on facebook. Put an ad in the paper. Create a flyer and hang it in local bulletin board areas.

Maybe one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and the world is to BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

"I wish there were more people and activities that weren't focused on alcohol"

can become

"I am creating change by encouraging more people and activities to not focus on alcohol"

We are not victims, we can be the catalyst for our own sober community.

That's a ramble - but hopefully that helps you see what I meant by that comment.

2muchpain

FreeOwl, Thanks for the clarification. I know change won't take place without action. One thing I am doing is doing things on my own (I think I mentioned that earlier). These activities don't involve interacting with anybody, but at least I'm out of my apartment and around people.
Unfortunately, I don't know any select people to invite to do something. I know some people will say that they are alone or lonely, but then mention something about having lunch with a friend last weekend, etc. Some people really don't have anybody. Really. Putting an ad in the newspaper is interesting, but I'm not sure I could do that.
Just want to say I don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself although it might sound like that. I am very grateful for many, many things. I don't have to deal with the drama many people on SR or at AA meetings have to contend with. I don't sit home and moan and groan about how bad things are because my life for the most part is going really well. It's my responsibility to do things that will improve the quality of my life, nobody else's and because of my actions, things are getting better all the time. No real complaints here. John

Solarion

Yoga plus beer does not compute -- and I'm thinking energetically, let alone mentally or physically.

Bmac

Now if they had a baked bean supper followed by hot Bikram Yoga, I would attend for the sheer entertainment value.

FreeOwl

hahahah! Classic.