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Friends husband strangled her while in blackout.

Old 04-21-2015, 08:29 PM
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Friends husband strangled her while in blackout.

...And now, the worthless P.o.S. is sitting in jail...

Saturday night, they had a party for his mothers birthday. New house, tent, beautiful table cloths and centerpieces. Everything placed just so. The are Mexican so even a 8 piece Mariachi band was present.

Tequila flowed like water, as is often the case in these types of events.

My friend put her 5 year old down to bed and decided to cuddle with her rather than rejoining the party. She had had enough to drink. And this woman CAN DRINK. frightening amounts. They own a Mexican restaurant. And they are always drinking.

About an hour after she falls asleep, with company still present, drunk bastard goes into the room and proceeds to strangle her, infront of her 5 year old. She awakes, tries to fight him off, unsuccessfully. She passes out.

Something brings her back to consciousness. But he wasn't done with her.

Chokes her. AGAIN to unconsciousness. WHILE THE PARTY IS STILL GOING ON.

Screaming at her this was her fault for disrespecting him.

What finally gets him to stop is their daughter screaming and pleading with him "Poppa please stop hurting mommy !!!!!!!".

None of us even knew there were problems. Come to find out, he's diabetic and when he drinks, he gets violent. This has been going on for more than a year.

He remembers none of it. None. Not a moment.

They are the picture of a perfect happy home.
Not anymore.

He'll be charged with attempted murder tomorrow.

Alcohol.
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:31 PM
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I'm sorry for all concerned. Thank goodness it wasn't worse.

D
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:33 PM
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Thankful she survived this
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:38 PM
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AO, how awful!! I do hate alcohol.

How are you doing?

Love from Lenina
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:42 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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Originally Posted by Lenina View Post
AO, how awful!! I do hate alcohol.

How are you doing?

Love from Lenina
I'm trying to understand what is happening to my sweet friend. I'm bewildered. I'm trying to help her children who are distraught beyond words. She has no family here. Everything is him and his family. And they are shunning her.

I don't know how to help her.

I have no experience with physical domestic abuse. But I already see her down playing it.

I hope the judge is as brutal on him tomorrow, as are the fingerprints on her neck.
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Old 04-21-2015, 10:45 PM
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AO, you might see about maybe getting her some info on domestic violence. I am sure there's going to be social services involved since the little one saw it. The good part of this is maybe this will help Mom get the help she needs, to face up to what happened and how bad it is.

I'll keep her in my thoughts. And you too. How awful

Love from Lenina
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Old 04-22-2015, 12:17 AM
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Originally Posted by alphaomega View Post
I'm trying to understand what is happening to my sweet friend. I'm bewildered. I'm trying to help her children who are distraught beyond words. She has no family here. Everything is him and his family. And they are shunning her.

I don't know how to help her.

I have no experience with physical domestic abuse. But I already see her down playing it.

I hope the judge is as brutal on him tomorrow, as are the fingerprints on her neck.
Hi Alpha

I've worked at a women's refuge before and it might be an idea to go online and find one local to you and your friend. A lot of them have coffee mornings and free classes, so not just a place for women to stay in accommodation. They usually have a list of really good resources too, financial, legal help etc.

I'm so glad your friend and her children are safe and that they have you. You sound like a really good friend :-)
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Old 04-22-2015, 12:36 AM
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Oh my god. All I can think about is the daughter and the trauma of witnessing a brutally violent act to her own mother. What a tragedy if she stays with him; the daughter needs to be protected from any further trauma (as does the mother).

Because she does not have a network of friends or family nearby, it looks grim. Having his family shunning her is probably one of the best outcomes possible for her.

Wow. Alcohol.
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Old 04-22-2015, 03:05 AM
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How terrible. For everyone.
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Old 04-22-2015, 03:17 AM
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Oh no. I third the idea of making sure both she and the 5 year old get help.

If it got the the point of strangling, there have been some other bad times and I'm sure the 5 year old needs some serious help.

I hate alcohol.
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Old 04-22-2015, 05:02 AM
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AO, I work professionally in the field of domestic violence. Your friend is, indeed, fortunate to have survived, but this experience has traumatized both her and her child. I don't know where you live, but most prosecutors' offices and communities have lots of resources available for victims of domestic violence--there are counselors and advocates who can help with safety planning, processing the trauma, etc. She can either contact the prosecutor's office and ask to speak with someone in the DV or victim-witness unit, or call the local women's shelter or the national domestic violence hotline, and they will hook her up with whatever she and her child may need.

What YOU can do, as a friend, is to be supportive and help her to realize what an extremely dangerous situation she is in. She is likely to be subjected to manipulation and intimidation by the abuser, his family/friends, and maybe even her own family (depending on their view of the situation). There's a good chance that at some point she will want to take him back, to forgive him, and to minimize what happened. There are good reasons why victims do that. Try to be as understanding as you can, but encourage her to allow him to be held accountable for his actions. Abuse gets word, not better, over time. There might not be another chance for her.

Hugs, thanks for being a good friend.
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Old 04-22-2015, 05:10 AM
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There is an on-line free and totally confidential questionnaire called the Mosaic Threat Questionnaire that you can google. Police departments, including the US Capitol Police for Congress use it to help understand if a suspect is likely to commit violent crime.

Your friend can look at it on-line, confidentially. If too many of her answers about her husband are "yes", it might help her take this seriously.

I am so sorry to hear this. It is shocking, and with her life and livelihood so entwined with her husband, this is a terrible loss and very hard to process, accept, and move on from. You are a great friend to be at her side.

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Old 04-22-2015, 05:13 AM
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Oh my God! What a scary situation. So glad your friend is ok. Only single positive is that it may strengthen our resolve to stay away from alcohol. You are a good friend. They are going to need you now...
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Old 04-22-2015, 05:19 AM
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Prayers for your friend. That's awful. I have also worked with domestic violence victims while in graduate school. Please do continue to be a support to your friend as she is obviously in an awful situation.

Alcohol.
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Old 04-22-2015, 06:12 AM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
Hi Alpha

I've worked at a women's refuge before and it might be an idea to go online and find one local to you and your friend. A lot of them have coffee mornings and free classes, so not just a place for women to stay in accommodation. They usually have a list of really good resources too, financial, legal help etc.

I'm so glad your friend and her children are safe and that they have you. You sound like a really good friend :-)
Alpha, I second this. There is often so much shame around domestic abuse, especially if it is assumed that everyone thinks things are "perfect." A friend's help and support can make all the difference. Im so glad that you are there for your friend and the children.

My thoughts are with you and your friend.
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Old 04-22-2015, 06:13 AM
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I SOOO HOPE this is a wake up call to everyone that witnessed this. Nobody need alcohol. Praying for everyone involved. There is so much healing that needs to happen in this family.
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Old 04-22-2015, 06:28 AM
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I have never been violent with a woman but I have had blackouts where I lose control of my actions and turn into a raging lunatic. It scares me and other people what I am capable of in a blackout. I don't ever want to find out.
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Old 04-22-2015, 07:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife View Post
I have never been violent with a woman but I have had blackouts where I lose control of my actions and turn into a raging lunatic. It scares me and other people what I am capable of in a blackout. I don't ever want to find out.
I agree with you. I am not violent by nature but have been known to act like a nut when in a blackout. It's very frightening.
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Old 04-22-2015, 08:04 AM
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I think it's good that light has shone on the danger in this relationship. I hope that your friend decides to protect her child and herself.
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Old 04-22-2015, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Pouncer View Post
Oh my god. All I can think about is the daughter and the trauma of witnessing a brutally violent act to her own mother. What a tragedy if she stays with him; the daughter needs to be protected from any further trauma (as does the mother).

Because she does not have a network of friends or family nearby, it looks grim. Having his family shunning her is probably one of the best outcomes possible for her.

Wow. Alcohol.
I agree Pouncer. His family shunning her may be the exact catalyst she needs for a major lifestyle overhaul.

P.O.S has cheated on her multiple times also.

They have three children. I'm heartbroken for all of them. Her oldest is a 13 year boy who is trying to protect his mom and be the man of the house. Apparently, the night of the party (I wasn't there) he texted his 11 yr old sister, "There is something wrong with dad's eyes. Something awful is going to happen".

I can only imagine what these children have witnessed over the last year. They must live in constant fear. The littlest one will not leave her side.

She saved her life.

Imagine that poor baby living with that burden for the rest of her life...
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