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Old 04-21-2015, 06:15 PM
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Hey, me again

I won't bore you with the backstory, you've heard it all before but I'd love some tips.

I'm in early recovery, just got a job as a national news reporter, entering a career 400 miles from anyone I know and my vices are drugs (anything put in front of me generally, barring opiates), women and the drink (about 12 pints a day at least).

Tried AA, therapy, willpower through fear but it doesn't stick. What worked for you guys?
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Old 04-21-2015, 06:25 PM
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Well, if all I had was big money, women, drugs and booze, I'd be looking for wild horses.

Until you decide that drinking and drugging are killing you, you don't stand a chance. Self-preservation has to kick in. Then you'll take the steps necessary.
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Old 04-21-2015, 06:25 PM
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Not wanting to drink anymore worked for me. And I realised this when I started reading stories here on SR. I had gotten tired of what the drink was sapping from my life.

It was also connected with my job, my first job, that has me around excellent and awesome people. The wish to be the best colleague possible to them, a reliable worker and have my keen brain to rely on were the factors that sealed the deal.

Cannot pin-point the exact moment the shift happened, but it inevitably was so that my perception of things to come if I stay sober finally outweighed the perception of the situation if I had kept going with booze. Wasn't black out drunk in the last month or month and a half that I still consumed, I was just buzzed 3-5 times a week, regardless of the weekday. This pointless form of existence tired me out, so I just quit drinking. I saw the pointlessness of alcohol
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Old 04-21-2015, 06:31 PM
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I'll throw a question back at you MrQ - what keeps you drinking?

D
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:07 PM
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Fear never got me very far. After all the horror stories out there, I still smoke. But, I got sick and tired of the drinking though and the havoc it was wreaking on my life. What Dee said, what is drinking and drugging doing for you?

I was on the verge of a physical break down. My finances were a wreck. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. So, one day at a time. With the help of SR and attending AA meetings. Making friends who could support me, and I them.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:10 PM
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What worked for me? My children won't talk to me and my family won't let me in their homes. I found my bottom. I'm looking at losing my freedom too.

I was only willing to change when I didn't like what happened when I used.

I couldn't quit until I was ready. That was my experience and what I've seen from most of the people here on SR. There are some who had a higher bottom than I did. I am so glad for them.

Anyway.

I pray you find your way.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:25 PM
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I am one of those with a higher bottom, Latte.

Just physical sickness and a few embarrassing texts and probably some embarrassing moments with my room mates that don't really care (I don't expect anyone to care, it's on me to care).

Oh and a few short trips to the liquor store drunk. Behind the wheel of course.

And then there's the two hospital visits to the ER for withdrawals.

Yep, "just." And I'm only in my late 20's. I know from reading stories here that it can get much, much worse.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by MrQuit View Post
I won't bore you with the backstory, you've heard it all before but I'd love some tips.

I'm in early recovery, just got a job as a national news reporter, entering a career 400 miles from anyone I know and my vices are drugs (anything put in front of me generally, barring opiates), women and the drink (about 12 pints a day at least).

Tried AA, therapy, willpower through fear but it doesn't stick. What worked for you guys?
I'd start by taking yourself out of situations where drugs or alcohol are "put in front of you". Then perhaps you can redouble your efforts with AA or some other method. None of them will "stick" unless you do the necessary work.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:53 PM
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I keep drinking because it's one of the only things I've always ever known. A part of my personality that's existed since my earliest memories. A norm.

But there are other norms too which aren't destructive - good things - this keeps me drinking too. The bottom line is that the status quo can't maintain. The wind is in the weathervane.

This is why I ask for your tips :-)
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:23 PM
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Originally Posted by MrQuit View Post
I keep drinking because it's one of the only things I've always ever known. A part of my personality that's existed since my earliest memories. A norm.

But there are other norms too which aren't destructive - good things - this keeps me drinking too. The bottom line is that the status quo can't maintain. The wind is in the weathervane.

This is why I ask for your tips :-)
Now, you make sense. I drank and drugged from my mid teens. My ONLY reason EVER was to get stoned. I am having to relearn, or reinvent, my life. That sentence is the whole of my journey. And, THAT'S HUGE!
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by MrQuit View Post
I keep drinking because it's one of the only things I've always ever known. A part of my personality that's existed since my earliest memories. A norm.

But there are other norms too which aren't destructive - good things - this keeps me drinking too. The bottom line is that the status quo can't maintain. The wind is in the weathervane.

This is why I ask for your tips :-)
Drinking was the norm for most of us. Every single day of the better part of 20 years of my life evolved around beer. That's not an excuse to keep doing it though. My personal turning point was when drinking became a task I had to do simply to avoid withdrawals.

Our past is always there, but we define how today and the future goes.
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by MrQuit View Post
I keep drinking because it's one of the only things I've always ever known. A part of my personality that's existed since my earliest memories. A norm.

But there are other norms too which aren't destructive - good things - this keeps me drinking too. The bottom line is that the status quo can't maintain. The wind is in the weathervane.

This is why I ask for your tips :-)
I asked for your reasons to better direct my tips

Doing something because that's the way we've always done it isn't a really cogent reason for continuing that behaviour, especially if it's self destructive.

I still don't know much about your reasons so here's mine:

I had many reasons for continuing - my drinking was how I defined myself, I didn't want to be different, I was scared to death of change and drinking was my go to medicine for every bad feeling or anxiety.

I had to take drinking off the table as a viable option in dealing with all those things.

If you don't have the desire to stop and the will to see that desire through then whatever method you choose is pretty much doomed to fall.

If AA is not your thing and you're not into meetings, try Rational Recovery. There's a lot of threads on it in our Secular Forum.

The books by Jason Vale and Allen Carr have been useful for those looking for motivation to quit too

D

Last edited by Dee74; 04-21-2015 at 11:11 PM.
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Old 04-21-2015, 10:55 PM
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I stopped when the hell of hangovers became worse than stopping. I was a walking and talking (barely) shell of a person going through the motions of life (barely). Stopping no longer seemed like a challenge. It felt like a relief.

My health was failing at 32. My blood pressure was 185/something on a daily basis which my doctor called "stroke level."

I also did not get buzzed anymore. I don't like the word "buzzed" because that sounds nice and relaxing. I would drink and drink (about the same amount as you, 12-14 drinks) but could not reach a place of enjoyment. Alcohol had stopped physically relaxing me. My hands still trembled with the 8th beer in my hand. My heart still beat rapidly after ten beers. I could not escape anymore. I would get sloppy and I still blackout out once or twice a week but I would skip past the enjoyable part of drinking. I kept chasing it but couldn't find it.

Maybe it was a blessing that I could not get drunk anymore. I felt terrible when I was not drinking and when I was drinking. I am honestly surprised I did not die. That's how horrible I felt every minute of every day.

I was in graduate school for a professional career and I was worried that alcohol would ruin it. Either that or I would die before starting the career. I often wondered which would happen first.

I stopped on June 27th with the worst hangover I had ever had. And that is saying a LOT. I couldn't do one more and I haven't had a drink in ten months.
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Old 04-21-2015, 11:54 PM
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My 'higher bottom' was over a year and a half ago. 2 years ago, my bottom was higher, 3 years ago, the bottom was higher.

Every relapse has been worse. All alcoholics say this because it is true; it took me a long time to realize this. I think we tend to be stubborn people with short memories. :/

I agree with Ruby. Guilt and fear never did it for me; those feelings actually made my drinking worse. I was a young-ish, healthy mother who was afraid that I was going to kill myself from drinking. If I wanted to die, well, there are other ways, right? Self-preservation kicked in somehow after all of my attempts.

I personally am not a believer in the disease theory of alcoholism. For me, it seemed like more of a secondary issue, a symptom, really. My problem has always been in perfectionism, workaholic-ism, procrastination, self-deprecation and avoidance. I realized that I needed to work from the inside out and found a recovery program that fit me, one with a more pragmatic approach. Everyone has something that works best for them, I hadn't found mine yet.

The one thing I know: you cannot survive in the news industry as an alcoholic. It is a very stressful atmosphere that may lead you to alcohol, but you won't stay there if you keep drinking. You got a great break and a wonderful opportunity. You have to decide what you want more and why (no sarcasm here, just a open-ended question).

Best of luck to you.
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Old 04-22-2015, 12:20 AM
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Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers View Post
I stopped when the hell of hangovers became worse than stopping. I was a walking and talking (barely) shell of a person going through the motions of life (barely). Stopping no longer seemed like a challenge. It felt like a relief.

My health was failing at 32. My blood pressure was 185/something on a daily basis which my doctor called "stroke level."

I also did not get buzzed anymore. I don't like the word "buzzed" because that sounds nice and relaxing. I would drink and drink (about the same amount as you, 12-14 drinks) but could not reach a place of enjoyment. Alcohol had stopped physically relaxing me. My hands still trembled with the 8th beer in my hand. My heart still beat rapidly after ten beers. I could not escape anymore. I would get sloppy and I still blacked out once or twice a week but I would skip past the enjoyable part of drinking. I kept chasing it but couldn't find it.

Maybe it was a blessing that I could not get drunk anymore. I felt terrible when I was not drinking and when I was drinking. I am honestly surprised I did not die. That's how horrible I felt every minute of every day.

I was in graduate school for a professional career and I was worried that alcohol would ruin it. Either that or I would die before starting the career. I often wondered which would happen first.

I stopped on June 27th with the worst hangover I had ever had. And that is saying a LOT. I couldn't do one more and I haven't had a drink in ten months.
My typos must be getting famous by now.

I no longer blackout. I've been sober for almost ten months. Sheesh! I really need to start proofing what I write!

Happy to change that to past tense.
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Old 04-22-2015, 04:15 AM
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Similarly to my friends on here, I act like a nut when I drink. And once I start I can't stop. So the nut surfaces often. I've offended and gotten physical with my closest family members. I see now I am at a precipice. I can keep at it and lose everything or stop and keep what I believe to be a very blessed life.

It's tough, especially when you're alone. I too was by myself in a town 4 hours from family and friends to complete my doctorate degree. I drank way too much. I still cringe at my behavior from that time. I am in the process of using those memories productively and channeling them into sobriety - as my friends have taught me on here.

I am still new at sobriety myself but I know I must fight for it, because it will destroy my life.
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