My Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 188
My Story
Here I am. Admitting for the first time in my life that I need help. So, here is my story.
I grew up in the South. Fishing, hunting, Braves Baseball, and copious amounts of college football. I lived a normal life and drinking was normal for a good ole boy. I started when I was 14 with small amounts and it felt great. That lasted through highschool and by college we were laying out all night killing large amounts of Natty Light. This lasted into my professional career and soon I began to calm down and not hit the bars.
I was on and off with a girlfriend for 6 years. In our first long off spell I got in great shape but was hitting the liquor hard on the weekends. I had some unfortunate things happen at a great job (unrelated to alcohol) and changed jobs. The place I went to ended up being a very bad place and I went into a very dark time in my life. The stress I was feeling was far beyond any I had ever felt. Anxiety about the future started to kick in and I started blaming myself for some issues the ex and I were going through that was of no fault of our own. It was at this point I started medicating. I was leaving work one day a beer drinker/weekend warrior(liquor) and thought I am going to pick up a pint of vodka and some OJ to heal this horrible feeling. It was at this point that I look back and realize I $(^#&$ up!
I was "medicating" most weekdays and hiding it because the ex was not an understanding individual. Ahhhh, once you learn to hide it things go downhill. So, we broke up and fortunately it was not long after I met the love of my life. Not so fortunately I had already learned to hide what had already become a problem. So, time passes, we get engaged, job is the same, I am still medicating and hiding 75% of it. This is where I got from "I have this under control" to "This sucks".
I wind up in the hospital for what was "High BP due to stress". I soon realize the high BP was due to withdrawal and stress. At this point I am ashamed of what I have let happen. Well after landing a dream job I continue to drink and start feeling the effects of withdrawal when I attempt to limit it. Which limiting to me is going number of days with out and chilling out with the constant liquor consumption. Well, it is going OOOK. My main issue is sleep. BP rises on day one sober and getting to sleep is rough and I feel bad after just like a hangover. So when I do slip there is that demon saying "Well at least you can sleep" Any advice here would be great!
I have not made it 3 days without a drink in a year, 4 days in years, a week in God knows. I am on day 2. I know that a great life and a great marriage is riding on this and I do very well with being sober until around the 3 day mark. That truck takes a right out of work towards the liquor store every time. I want to fix this and manage the urges so I don't have to go cold turkey due to shakes, DT's and being a 100% full alcoholic. If I can not manage it without hitting the liquor and getting sloppy then cold turkey I will do but do want to get this under control now so to not have to be a hobbit and can have a few beers with friends. Hiding liquor and drinking on the way to the social gathering is not "A few beers with friends".
Any advice on sleep and making this 3 day mark will be great. I am at home and feel sooo much less anxiety knowing that I am going to exercise well, eat well, feel well, and not hide anything. My main 2 issues are sleep and that d@&% 3 day mark. I can do this and return to a normal life. I know I have no choice if I want to live a happy life with the woman and family. Alcoholism is not happy for us or loved ones.
I grew up in the South. Fishing, hunting, Braves Baseball, and copious amounts of college football. I lived a normal life and drinking was normal for a good ole boy. I started when I was 14 with small amounts and it felt great. That lasted through highschool and by college we were laying out all night killing large amounts of Natty Light. This lasted into my professional career and soon I began to calm down and not hit the bars.
I was on and off with a girlfriend for 6 years. In our first long off spell I got in great shape but was hitting the liquor hard on the weekends. I had some unfortunate things happen at a great job (unrelated to alcohol) and changed jobs. The place I went to ended up being a very bad place and I went into a very dark time in my life. The stress I was feeling was far beyond any I had ever felt. Anxiety about the future started to kick in and I started blaming myself for some issues the ex and I were going through that was of no fault of our own. It was at this point I started medicating. I was leaving work one day a beer drinker/weekend warrior(liquor) and thought I am going to pick up a pint of vodka and some OJ to heal this horrible feeling. It was at this point that I look back and realize I $(^#&$ up!
I was "medicating" most weekdays and hiding it because the ex was not an understanding individual. Ahhhh, once you learn to hide it things go downhill. So, we broke up and fortunately it was not long after I met the love of my life. Not so fortunately I had already learned to hide what had already become a problem. So, time passes, we get engaged, job is the same, I am still medicating and hiding 75% of it. This is where I got from "I have this under control" to "This sucks".
I wind up in the hospital for what was "High BP due to stress". I soon realize the high BP was due to withdrawal and stress. At this point I am ashamed of what I have let happen. Well after landing a dream job I continue to drink and start feeling the effects of withdrawal when I attempt to limit it. Which limiting to me is going number of days with out and chilling out with the constant liquor consumption. Well, it is going OOOK. My main issue is sleep. BP rises on day one sober and getting to sleep is rough and I feel bad after just like a hangover. So when I do slip there is that demon saying "Well at least you can sleep" Any advice here would be great!
I have not made it 3 days without a drink in a year, 4 days in years, a week in God knows. I am on day 2. I know that a great life and a great marriage is riding on this and I do very well with being sober until around the 3 day mark. That truck takes a right out of work towards the liquor store every time. I want to fix this and manage the urges so I don't have to go cold turkey due to shakes, DT's and being a 100% full alcoholic. If I can not manage it without hitting the liquor and getting sloppy then cold turkey I will do but do want to get this under control now so to not have to be a hobbit and can have a few beers with friends. Hiding liquor and drinking on the way to the social gathering is not "A few beers with friends".
Any advice on sleep and making this 3 day mark will be great. I am at home and feel sooo much less anxiety knowing that I am going to exercise well, eat well, feel well, and not hide anything. My main 2 issues are sleep and that d@&% 3 day mark. I can do this and return to a normal life. I know I have no choice if I want to live a happy life with the woman and family. Alcoholism is not happy for us or loved ones.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi BD
Thanks for sharing your story.
sounds like you're a little conflicted though. You want to have a few beers with mates but you find it hard to get to day 3.
I'm not trying to beat you up but you might have to accept, like I did, that a few beers with mates is an impossibility for me.
Alcohol and I have a toxic relationship. Whenever I reintroduced alcohol into my life again the same things happened.
So I changed my life.I know how scary that sounds but I didn't lose out on the deal.
It turns out there was a better life waiting for me once I put the bottle down.
I don't expect you be convinced by one post, but read around - there's a lot of happy sober people here.
Glad you've joined us - stay connected here and we;ll get you through day 3 and beyond
D
Thanks for sharing your story.
sounds like you're a little conflicted though. You want to have a few beers with mates but you find it hard to get to day 3.
I'm not trying to beat you up but you might have to accept, like I did, that a few beers with mates is an impossibility for me.
Alcohol and I have a toxic relationship. Whenever I reintroduced alcohol into my life again the same things happened.
So I changed my life.I know how scary that sounds but I didn't lose out on the deal.
It turns out there was a better life waiting for me once I put the bottle down.
I don't expect you be convinced by one post, but read around - there's a lot of happy sober people here.
Glad you've joined us - stay connected here and we;ll get you through day 3 and beyond
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
Welcome! Congrats on making a change. My experience was that I had to give up alcohol altogether. I couldn't have a few drinks with friends. If I ever really did just have a few it led to episodes of bingeing later. I was just fooling myself. Alcohol beat me down in time, and I realized that it was not for me.
The good news is that there is life beyond booze. It is worth it and you can have a great life.
The good news is that there is life beyond booze. It is worth it and you can have a great life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
HiBD, sounds like you have alot riding on this. Day 3 may be very difficult for you but just remember it is ONE day. I can relate to your situation, most of us have been there. I believe you will be amazed at how good you feel and how well you sleep if you can get 7-10 days under your belt. Then re evaluate this whole thing and create a plan.
But by your own admission your are 100% full on alcoholic. Try and get through step one which is getting back to "normal". If you're like me, you'll know/feel when that happens. Its incredibly calming. Best wishes to you.
But by your own admission your are 100% full on alcoholic. Try and get through step one which is getting back to "normal". If you're like me, you'll know/feel when that happens. Its incredibly calming. Best wishes to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 188
Thanks guys. I know people who can not make it through hours and can not make it to work without drinking and that scares the **** out of me. I have exercised and eaten a good healthy meal tonight. I am so glad I am not drunk. I have only tried to take a break off the bottle a few ties but this one feels different so hope it works out. I feel I was well on my way to being a functioning alcoholic but do not believe I am ready to classify myself yet. I will be sure to keep you up to date. If it does not go so well and I have to quit all together then I am going to need great assistance. I have got to get back to being able to have some beers while watching the baseball game a few nights a week and lay off the D#*& liquor. Any substance that inhibits a human to the point they find it hard to stop at a couple drinks and causes memory loss is the devil. I sure hope the folks at the liquor store are missing me next week. Too much good in life to live it in a haze.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Welcome chap. Just one thing, if you're having DT's - I think you're well on the way down the slippery path. If you prefer use the word addict. As in I am addicted to booze if it helps. If you have withdrawal mate, you are one of us - we cannot control our drinking. Advice to make through today - I will not drink right now. Keep telling yourself that. And stay close to SR. There are many good threads out there. Read the people's stories and it might give you some insight as well as take your mind off of your current urges.
Good luck and keep posting.
Cheers,
ZAB
Good luck and keep posting.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Hi BD84. Man I wish I could just have a few while watching football etc but that just never happened. a few turned into a few more then next night into nightly drinking and then nightly drinking too much. I wish I had different news for you - but each time you "stop" and go back it will probably get worse.
Stop now - just don't drink for this minte, this hour, this day - don't worry about forever.
Stay strong
Stop now - just don't drink for this minte, this hour, this day - don't worry about forever.
Stay strong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 188
I Have never had DT's. Just urges, high bp, and trouble sleeping. Trying to make day 3 today. It just seems others get along with me when I am drinking. When I dont give a rip and let all go.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Welcome BD. I don't know - only you have all the facts - but it sounds like you are a good candidate to give up drinking. That includes a few beers with pals watching baseball games.
If you can get past a few days, try a month or two without drinking. If you find you cannot do it, it is time a reassess your situation. Wish you the best.
If you can get past a few days, try a month or two without drinking. If you find you cannot do it, it is time a reassess your situation. Wish you the best.
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