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Does Anyone Ever Recall And Cringe?

Old 04-21-2015, 05:49 AM
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Does Anyone Ever Recall And Cringe?

Good Morning, my friends. I am Day 3 and feeling renewed in my newfound resolve to be sober. But I want to ask everyone this: do you ever think back on the stupid things you've done while drunk and cringe? Do you ever recall the embarrassing, hateful, ridiculous things you have said or done, and think to yourself why in the world was I so crazy? Do you ever think about things you've done while drunk, and think wow that could have really been bad. I have fleeting memories of the things I remember doing (when I wasn't black out drunk) or the things people told me I did (when I was black out drunk) and I feel an intense amount of anxiety. Fights I have gotten into, ones that I would not have taken part lf if I were sober. Mean, nasty things I have said to people. Some of it feels like a really bad dream. I also often think of ways that those prior experiences can come back and affect my personal life and my professional life, two things I have really worked very hard on.

I know we've all done things, so Grandrose, that we regret. I just want to know how other people deal with the regretful decisions they made while drunk, whether they be big or small in the grand spectrum of life, and how you can continue on without a feeling of desperation and anxiety?
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Old 04-21-2015, 05:51 AM
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oh absolutely....

but over time, this has lessened. With step work and self-compassion and healing and counseling and reflection on my addictions and the reasons, I have been able to let go of a lot of shame and guilt and cringe a lot less. There is still work to do. Progress, not perfection. But it does get better.
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Old 04-21-2015, 05:54 AM
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YES! Totally embarrassing. Really all you can do now is move forward and try not to repeat. Depending on the nature of the transgressions, it might be helpful to make amends where you can. Live and learn.
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Old 04-21-2015, 05:56 AM
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Some of the things that make me cringe happened 30 years ago. The shame is just a twinge though. Time has eased the shame. I don't dwell on it.

You are three days sober, so the past is going to be pretty raw. All I can say is don't get fixated on the past. Remorse is normal in early recovery. You can't change the past, but you don't have to be doomed to repeat it. Staying sober is the redemptive act you can do to make peace with your regrets.
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Old 04-21-2015, 05:59 AM
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Sure, I look back and cringe and my drunk behavior. I look back and cringe at some of my sober behavior, too! As Carl said, on Day 3 it's probably a good idea to stay in the present. You're doing great, keep your eyes on sobriety today and you can write your memoirs when you get some time and experience living a sober life. Welcome and congrats on Day 3.
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Old 04-21-2015, 06:05 AM
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Absolutely. I think it's important to be cognizant of some of those mistakes we have made as a reminder of why our sobriety is so important, but it's also important to not fixate or obsess about them because there is absolutely nothing you can do to change them.

Also keep in mind that you are very, very early in sobriety - most likely still in the acute withdrawal phase, so things are going to feel a bit rocky for a while. It's perfectly normal for you mind to be a bit on edge for a while.
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Old 04-21-2015, 06:07 AM
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Yes
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Old 04-21-2015, 06:14 AM
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Sure, that happens, but at the same time, I know I don't have to allow it to happen again, and that feels great.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:14 AM
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What I tell myself is, I'm not that person anymore and I never will be again as long as I stay sober
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:30 AM
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I had the exact same thoughts on day 3, GirlGoneBad.

I think we all have. All I could do was stay sober and rebuild my life.

Make my apologies and NEVER take another drink. Live a life I wasn't ashamed of. This happened with time and sobriety.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:41 AM
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This has always stuck with me

At first the drinking was fun
Then, my drinking was fun with trouble
At the end, all my drinking had became was trouble.
Many wish to go back to the time their drinking was fun and fail .
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:49 AM
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I experience that cringe of remembering my poor decisions, and I channel this shame to keep me on my path of sobriety. My past is out of my control, but the future that's mine to create.
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Old 04-21-2015, 07:58 AM
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Thank you all for the advice. It is truly uplifting to be on this journey with every one of you.

My last embarrassing drunk episode was last Friday night, so I am still sheepish because of that. But I agree I believe it helps give inspiration to NOT take that first drink. NO!! Too much can go so very wrong just by taking that first drink!!

Drinking used to be fun. It's not anymore. And I agree that those of us who kept at it hoped it would become fun again. I don't recall even one time in the past few years when drinking was more fun than it was embarrassing. Not one.
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:04 AM
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I stay sober, one day at a time and make living amends to my immediate loved ones based on new behavior.

I review what I did in my past and look for a common theme of understanding why?!? Sure, alcohol was involved. But for me, alcohol was not the problem - it was the solution to life and it's challenges. As I begin to understand that truth I look at my old behavior in depth.

Slowly I make peace with the old person I was and work towards correcting those I harmed in the past - if possible and without interrupting their lives. Otherwise I am just being selfish in an attempt to clear my own conscience. I then let the incidents of bad behavior go and change how I interact with the world.

We all have regrets or we are not alcoholics, I suppose I think it is how we deal with those that truly demonstrates change and willingness to recover........
Glad you're here with us, stay sober and keep working. It takes time but things become more clear.......
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:09 AM
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Hi

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason and everything you have dome and experienced in life got you to where you are today.

I look back on them memories and analyze them in a different way of course i have cringe moments and moments of remorse but having those moments have now made me stronger and the person i am today. Instead of being a addicted alcoholic i am the new woman who has empathy and cares for everyone around me and i take one day at a time and by showing the people in my life i have made the changes and stay sober i can guarantee they will no how sorry you are if anything they will be proud !
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:15 AM
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I have a lot of trouble with regret and shame. Sure, I can be loud and obnoxious when drinking but that I can laugh off. It's the times I drank myself into blackouts that bother me. The memories are hazy but filled in by witnesses unfortunately. I've woken up in jail cells, the ER, and back alleyways but it's the times I fought with family and friends that I really hurt over.

The only thing we can do is accept we cannot drink and give a full, honest effort to sobriety. I don't know why it took me so long to finally get it. I cannot drink period.

Day 3 is not easy. Your brain is still adjusting so anxiety will be amplified. I wouldn't sleep a wink until at least day 4. Take it hour by hour if you have to
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Old 04-21-2015, 08:21 AM
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Yes. At over 13mo I still remember and CRINGE! I was an A$$ my second to last time, infront on my in laws and close friends too... The worse part is that none of them thought "it was that bad", but it just bothered and bothers me a lot. I just never want to be that person again. That nasty feelng was what really pushed my sobriety at first, that and the guilt I felt for being hungover infront of my daughter.

I remember and cringe but I use it as fuel. I remember all the bad things that have happened to me while inebriated and I feel disgusted and determined to never be back there again. As PP said, all those experience made me who I am so I don't dwell in the past. I am at peace with it now after actively doing some self work.

It is so true that there is a difference between sobriety and being dry and I am thankful for having learned that here. There is a lot of discussion on this topic so there's lot to learn.
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Old 04-21-2015, 10:56 AM
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I've had my share of cringe-worthy moments too-- even though I always told myself things weren't "that bad." As others have said, I try to use those memories to remind myself of who I don't want to be. It's in our control to change and put those experiences behind us. I'm defined by who I am now in sobriety-- not by silly things I did or said when drinking.
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Old 04-21-2015, 11:13 AM
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i haven't done anything embarrassing really so this will probably seem lame compared to others but, i never let my feelings show-i just keep it all in like many people, as well as never talking about the things i have been through. sometimes when i am drunk i let down my guard and a simple statement or seeing something on TV will set me off and i will cry or end up in an argument. this in itself i don't care too much about, but knowing that someone knows something about me makes me sick with shame, i literally want to tear my skin off, i am so filled with shame. its disgusting.
(and sex. the other night me and my partner 69ed and although he obviously loved it, i can barely look at him. not something i ever thought i would do again. yeurgh!)
sorry if thats too much information.
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Old 04-21-2015, 11:28 AM
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I'm four months and some days sober and the further I get from my last drunk the less shame I feel. That was how I used to be and now I'm different. I cringed for about the first month or so from regret, shame, guilt, etc and that's where I found AA to be helpful. Whether anyone is into AA or not, there's something to be said about being in the presence of people who have been in that lonely, shameful place before. They give hope!

Hang in there and don't drink. As long as your last drunk was "last week" that gut wrenching feeling will remain. One day your last drunk will be "last year" and you'll feel accomplished.
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