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-   -   A Newcomer's New Day (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/365161-newcomers-new-day.html)

GirlGoneBad 04-19-2015 08:27 PM

A Newcomer's New Day
 
Hello. I am a newcomer to SR. I have been binge drinking on the weekends for about 10 years now. I am 29 and have been drinking every weekend since my undergrad days. A little background will be helpful.

I am from a small town whose engagements center around alcohol. My parents always drank; my friends all drank; nothing seemed amiss. But as we know this is a progressive disease. For the past year or so I have engaged in some very heavy drinking. My drunk alter ego is hateful, temperamental, aggressive, and borderline violent. When I start I have a lot of issues stopping. I don't want 2-3 drinks, I want 10-20. I want to status until 3am and drink until I collapse.i am frightened by my actions and am horribly disappointed with myself for my behavior. I have insulted an attacked every person in my life who cares for me. Most of the time I don't remember it. I am just told what has happened and I see the look of hurt and betrayal in their eyes. I deflect my anxieties onto my family because of my drinking; I cannot channel my emotions while in that state. They say you only hurt the ones you love because, deep down, you know they'll forgive you. But my parents and my husband don't deserve what I have unleashed on them. No one deserves that.

I am fortunate because I can go several days without any physiological issues from alcohol abstinence. My biggest test will be this Friday, which I "mark on my calendar" (as the hubby says) as a day to get drunk. I don't want to do that, anymore. I see now that so many bad things can happen with that first drink.

So here I am, in an attempt to prevent the evil, drunk me from arising from the depths of the Absolut bottle and unleashing a tyranny in the people I love and making a spectacle of myself in front of others.

Thank you.

MariahGayle 04-19-2015 08:32 PM

Glad your here Girl....you will find much support & encouragement here...know you are not along in this & be kind to yourself.

GirlGoneBad 04-19-2015 08:37 PM


Originally Posted by MariahGayle (Post 5327333)
Glad your here Girl....you will find much support & encouragement here...know you are not along in this & be kind to yourself.

Thank you, MG. I appreciate that.

ccam1973 04-19-2015 08:40 PM

Welcome to Sr GGB. You'll find a ton of support here. You are not alone in this fight. It might not feel like it right now, but you have the power in you to never take another drink.

You have the strength to stop this roller coaster ride. Lean on us as much as you need.

Welcome.

Indenial618 04-19-2015 08:42 PM

Welcome. I too am a weekend binge drinker and have been doing it since my teens. I just threw a year of sobriety away a few mi ths back. It was the best I've ever felt. Waking up every weekend sober and productive was a amazing. You can do this!

Fluffer 04-19-2015 08:51 PM

Welcome GGB,

Another weekend warrior here. Yes, it can be just as destructive as daily alcoholism.

But there's great news. You don't have to live this way any more. In fact, if you're like me, nearly all of your problems can be eliminated just by not drinking. It does take some effort and reprogramming your thoughts and habits. But so worth it!

You can do this!

MelindaFlowers 04-19-2015 09:39 PM

Welcome,

I was also deep into blackout drama. I too, became aggressive verbally and even physically a few times. Waking up the next day I could gave died of the shame, depression, and honestly confusion. Where did those things even come from?

The only way to stop the blackouts was to stop drinking completely. I tried for years to moderate and try to not black out that obviously that did not work. It's a big relief to know that I will never black out again as long as I don't drink. I never thought I would stop. I didn't really think I had it in me but I did so you can too.

Dee74 04-19-2015 09:41 PM

Hi and welcome GGB :)
You'll find a lot of support here.

Have you thought about what you'll do on Friday instead of drinking?

D

Soberwolf 04-20-2015 02:05 AM

Welcome GGB

JaneLane 04-20-2015 02:28 AM

Welcome!

Like Dee said, do you have a plan for Friday since you won't be drinking? That feeling of waking up on Saturday morning, hangover free, will feel good :-)

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:09 AM


Originally Posted by ccam1973 (Post 5327344)
Welcome to Sr GGB. You'll find a ton of support here. You are not alone in this fight. It might not feel like it right now, but you have the power in you to never take another drink. You have the strength to stop this roller coaster ride. Lean on us as much as you need. Welcome.

Thank you so much, ccam!

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:11 AM


Originally Posted by Indenial618 (Post 5327345)
Welcome. I too am a weekend binge drinker and have been doing it since my teens. I just threw a year of sobriety away a few mi ths back. It was the best I've ever felt. Waking up every weekend sober and productive was a amazing. You can do this!

Thank you, In. I am craving a Saturday where I feel good and refreshed. My job is very stressful, so I need those 2 days of recovery. I just need to figure out a way to break that tie between relaxing and drinking. Because, let's face it, drinking is no longer relaxing for us. It's the antithesis of relaxing. It's so destructive.

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:13 AM


Originally Posted by Fluffer (Post 5327355)
Welcome GGB, Another weekend warrior here. Yes, it can be just as destructive as daily alcoholism. But there's great news. You don't have to live this way any more. In fact, if you're like me, nearly all of your problems can be eliminated just by not drinking. It does take some effort and reprogramming your thoughts and habits. But so worth it! You can do this!

Thank you, Fluffer! You are so right; all of my problems, regrets, fights, nasty words, and tears stem from nights of drinking. One drink is all it takes. I must re program. You are spot on, friend.

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:16 AM


Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers (Post 5327378)
Welcome, I was also deep into blackout drama. I too, became aggressive verbally and even physically a few times. Waking up the next day I could gave died of the shame, depression, and honestly confusion. Where did those things even come from? The only way to stop the blackouts was to stop drinking completely. I tried for years to moderate and try to not black out that obviously that did not work. It's a big relief to know that I will never black out again as long as I don't drink. I never thought I would stop. I didn't really think I had it in me but I did so you can too.

Thank you MF. You are spot on regarding the shame and depression. It's utterly disgraceful. I feel awful with myself. I have likewise tried to moderate but I can't. It's programmed in me to drink until I can't anymore and it's too destructive.

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:20 AM


Originally Posted by Dee74 (Post 5327383)
Hi and welcome GGB :) You'll find a lot of support here. Have you thought about what you'll do on Friday instead of drinking? D

Thank you, Dee! Well, it's kind of weird. My fiancÚ is enduring week long trips for work and we can't know whether he will be home early Friday or late Friday. I tried to plan a movie night with him but we are slaves to his schedule. It's often this time when I hit the bottle: I finish work, worn out from the week, and needing to "let my hair down." If I can fill those few hours with something productive, I know I can make it through the evening. My fiancÚ wants to cut back on his drinking as well, although he doesn't do the whole crazy scene, falling down, screaming, crying craziness that I do. So he will be on board.

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:21 AM


Originally Posted by soberwolf (Post 5327524)
Welcome GGB

Thank you!

GirlGoneBad 04-20-2015 05:22 AM


Originally Posted by JaneLane (Post 5327540)
Welcome! Like Dee said, do you have a plan for Friday since you won't be drinking? That feeling of waking up on Saturday morning, hangover free, will feel good :-)

Thank you JL. I am craving that Saturday morning, feeling good! So much! Knowing I didn't hurt anyone's feelings, and not waking up gripped in fear and thinking "what did I do/say?!?!"

JaneLane 04-20-2015 10:24 AM

That first coffee in the morning minus a hangover is magical!

We've got this :-)

PurpleKnight 04-20-2015 12:37 PM

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

Dee74 04-20-2015 03:32 PM


If I can fill those few hours with something productive, I know I can make it through the evening.
Changing your routine can help. I know you're dependent in a way on what your bf does but it might just be the difference between sitting around and not sitting around that makes the difference?

we'll be here too :)

D


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