Elseware

This is an interesting discussion. I, too, have a deep longing for something. Emptiness. It's been inside me for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it is. I've tried filling it with all sorts of things. Drugs and alcohol, men, daredevil sports. You name it. My last junket was Vicodin which I stopped 18 months ago. Now I'm free of all of it. And happy to be that way. But there it is. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, a caring family, pets and horses. I live on a lovely ranch and have everything a person could want. But still there's this need for something and a soul killing grief inside me. I'm so lonely. And I'm awkward socially without the drugs and alcohol. I've always been shy but I find that now I'm becoming deeply introverted. This feels like it's not good for me. Truly, sometimes I don't feel like living anymore. That passes and I would never act on it. I want to LIVE.

I don't have much of a spiritual life. Although I consider myself an agnostic, I do pray often and hard. For myself and for others. I count my blessings. I do charitable work to help others and to get out and be social. But I have no real friends around here.

I listen to music a lot. I enjoy it very much. It lifts me up for a while and I get a feeling of being "in love" and joyous for a little bit. It fades. At least I have that.

But still......

Thanks for being here

Solarion

FreeOwl, something along these lines definitely surfaced as a theme for me this weekend. Nothing that I want to put into words, but I'm glad this thread came along at the same time.

FreeOwl

Thank you all for sharing.... I am reading and re-reading these. Your responses are important to me.

I feel that in some way, my own calling has to do with service to others in answering this soul ache.

I appreciate those of you who have shared your own, and your perspectives about this.

Seems to me, many of us - much of humanity even - holds this. I wonder if healing it within us isn't actually the work of healing the world....

Anyway, thanks.