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Here is what bipolar looks like with alcohol

Old 04-19-2015, 12:13 AM
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Here is what bipolar looks like with alcohol

Sober for two months. Write two articles that are worthy of publication, and alas, you see your name in print. Endure a miscarriage, but you survive that.

Clean your house from top to bottom. Organize everything, meanwhile a great mom to your kids. Cook and freeze meals, label everything, attend to every soccer game. Host friends over for dinner. You aren't sleeping, because there are things to do! People to attend to. Mania. You think you can outsmart the low that comes.

You send thoughtful gifts to friends, and engage in conversations when they call you back to thank you. They tell you what a thoughtful person you are. And all you want to say is. . .

"I am in recovery. On the very edge of a relapse. Because I don't take the medication, and I want to explain it to you but I can't."

So you host a party, and of course offer beer and wine. And you have that glass of wine that someone gives your for being a good hostess.

And you relapse. Because you don't use your tools, and you don't tell people what you need.

That is all.
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Old 04-19-2015, 12:24 AM
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Hi Change ,
did something happen yesterday ?

I hope you make the next decision the right one whatever has happened in the past

keep on

m
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Old 04-19-2015, 12:44 AM
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I understand both clinically and personally what bipolar disorder is. I also know that I am not seeing the right mental health professionals to help me treat this. One doctor prescribed medication after reading my intake, and not even talking to me.

My mother uses the term "bipolar" as an insult. I tried the argument, "just as a diabetic needs insulin, so do people with. . .

And it devolved from there. I am rambling. I need my husband to help me find the right fit for talk/medication therapy.

I am tired of being so high, and so very low.
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Old 04-19-2015, 12:48 AM
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Hello Change. Thanks for posting...glad you did. You let out some feelings and we heard. I could really see you in your life and was moved. Make it a focus if you can to find someone to talk to you about how it really is for you - as well as posting here. Maybe a therapist if it feels impossible? I am off to walk round a sculpture garden right now but know I will be taking thoughts of you with me x
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Old 04-19-2015, 12:49 AM
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Many people here deal with bipolar and alcoholism C4G.

You'll find a lot of help support and understanding here...you just have to make that leap, that leap that says 'help me, I cannot do this without people knowing, and I cannot do this on my own...I want to change'

I believe you can do this
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Old 04-19-2015, 12:52 AM
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Change...Dialectical Behaviour therapy, or Mindfulness based therapy, or a therapy where someone has been trained in the psychodynamic approach at some depth is what to seek...I am not sure what is available where you are...but these approaches these days are pretty universal... I trust of some help
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:37 AM
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Hi Change,

Mental illness is not easy to understand unless you have been through it. Your mother's comment was rude and not just insensitive. Most of us at SR are strapped with a mental illness diagnosis(es) and our agonizing addiction is just one costly result of not taking mental illness seriously. One of the reasons I like SR is because almost everyone here has a mental illness diagnosis; it makes me feel normal.

Don't beat yourself up, either. You can learn something from this slip that will make you more resilient for the future.

I am a mom and a freelancer, too. I write about American history, environmental policy and miscellaneous investigative pieces - slow journalism.
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:31 PM
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Thanks all. I really appreciate the feedback.

My husband's best friend from childhood was with us this weekend, and we had breakfast together while the family was asleep. Turns out he is bipolar as well. We eased into the conversation, but once we both essentially outed ourselves, it was incredibly cathartic.

I have an incredible husband. Of course he knows what I struggle with, and he is also aware of Alex's diagnosis. But he never shared with this information with either of us. Out of respect for our privacy. But I have to think he orchestrated this weekend so we could talk.

It helped me more than anything has in the last five months. Alex has struggled with substance abuse (not alcohol), and we talked about that. It was a good weekend.

I am uncomfortable and hung over. But my head and heart are lighter than they have been in ages.
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Old 04-19-2015, 02:13 PM
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Change, I am glad that you are feeling more positive. I hope that you can get the right treatment/therapy to help you with bipolar.
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Old 04-19-2015, 02:17 PM
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C4G - my heart goes out to you, if for no other reason than you sound like a rock star, and I guess you can't even see it. I wonder, is there any way that in all your mental strife, you have it within you (even for just 5 mins) to silently think: holy cow I was published, got strong after a miscarriage, dropped the kids to soccer and threw a wicked party....hehe house was spotless too. I know it doesn't seem as grand from your shoes, but I tell you what, from where I'm reading you sound kick a.ss! Maybe a nice lemonade with club soda sitting outside might give you a second to just stop........ And relish?

Be well
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Old 04-19-2015, 02:30 PM
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Change, I too struggle with sharing with anyone or asking for help from others. Combine that with issues other than being an A and the wheels can come off. I feel for what you went through this weekend but am overjoyed that you found someone that you could talk with that understood.

You are in my prayers. You can do this!
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Old 04-21-2015, 01:54 PM
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I really appreciate the messages.

I am scheduled for an 11 am intake at a hospital tomorrow. I simply can't manage myself right now, and I have the full support of my husband. Pains me, as it will be a big lift for him managing our children while I am gone.

I took a package, and left my job. Amazingly, I was offered a promotion when I told them I would take the buy-out. But I need to focus on my health right now. My sobriety is gone.

I will report back when I come home. I love this site, and again, feel very luck to be part of this community.
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Old 04-21-2015, 02:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Change4good View Post
I really appreciate the messages.

I am scheduled for an 11 am intake at a hospital tomorrow. I simply can't manage myself right now, and I have the full support of my husband. Pains me, as it will be a big lift for him managing our children while I am gone.

I took a package, and left my job. Amazingly, I was offered a promotion when I told them I would take the buy-out. But I need to focus on my health right now. My sobriety is gone.

I will report back when I come home. I love this site, and again, feel very luck to be part of this community.
Best of luck to you Change4Good. While you made a hard decision I think it mirrors your username...a change for the better. Be well and stay in touch if you can.
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Old 04-21-2015, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Best of luck to you Change4Good. While you made a hard decision I think it mirrors your username...a change for the better. Be well and stay in touch if you can.
Thank you Scott. I am a big fan of yours, almost to the point of quietly stalking you. I have read everything you have posted on this site.

I did make a hard decision, but a good one. My husband rightly noted that I have to grieve the loss of my job, and not rush into something else. Grieving is what I desperately need to do (lost loved ones in a short period of time, and didn't do the bereavement work.) So perhaps this life circumstance is right on time. Time to take care of me so I can take care of others.

Looking forward to putting my oxygen mask on tomorrow.
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Old 04-21-2015, 02:40 PM
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((((C4G))))

You are very smart and brave to be doing this. I can't imagine the stress you have while leaving your children for your stay. As a mom, I wanted to let you know that what you are doing is best for them, too. They won't remember this visit too much in the future.

Please keep us updated and thanks for today's update. Rock on.
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Old 04-21-2015, 02:44 PM
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Oh, and you are one post away from 1,000. That's pretty cool.
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:29 AM
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Home, healthy, and on the mend. :-)
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:32 AM
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(((((Change4Good)))))
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Change4good View Post
Home, healthy, and on the mend. :-)
Welcome back! Hope you were able to bring some good tips home with you too.
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