Family interaction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Family interaction Hi everyone
I have eight days sober and so far it's a wild ride, mostly good but the lows suck!
Anyway, I just wanted some advice.
I don't live close to my family and I live in a tee-total home (now). I feel very nervous making any phone calls and this extends to my family. My grandparents are alcoholics and have had massive health problems due to it. When I call them, they are drunk. Whatever time of day it is, they're drunk. My dad is also an alcoholic so I consider myself unlucky when he picks up the phone instead of my mum. I also have an alcoholic uncle and auntie who both experience fits and have massive damage to their bodies from booze.
My issue is, when I visit any of them, I find it very triggering. Despite their health affects from alcohol, I feel so sad and disappointed that it's the one situation which I find difficult to refuse alcohol.
I know it should be a push to remain sober, but it has the opposite effect. I know I need to protect my sobriety but I get upset when I speak to them on the phone and even worse when I see them in person.
I just wanted to get that out!
I have eight days sober and so far it's a wild ride, mostly good but the lows suck!
Anyway, I just wanted some advice.
I don't live close to my family and I live in a tee-total home (now). I feel very nervous making any phone calls and this extends to my family. My grandparents are alcoholics and have had massive health problems due to it. When I call them, they are drunk. Whatever time of day it is, they're drunk. My dad is also an alcoholic so I consider myself unlucky when he picks up the phone instead of my mum. I also have an alcoholic uncle and auntie who both experience fits and have massive damage to their bodies from booze.
My issue is, when I visit any of them, I find it very triggering. Despite their health affects from alcohol, I feel so sad and disappointed that it's the one situation which I find difficult to refuse alcohol.
I know it should be a push to remain sober, but it has the opposite effect. I know I need to protect my sobriety but I get upset when I speak to them on the phone and even worse when I see them in person.
I just wanted to get that out!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I don't live close to my family either. However, you need to do what is best for you to maintain your sobriety. You may need to distance yourself for awhile given what you've described. There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself and your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
You need to do what you need to do to protect your Sobreity at all costs!!
My family on my dad's side sounds like yours, and for a long time I avoided them, my aunts/uncles spend too much time drinking, always in the pub etc, so I stayed away until I could be a non drinker around them and be strong enough to make it happen.
Hang in there Jane!! 8 days is fantastic, and not worth compromising for anything or anyone!!
My family on my dad's side sounds like yours, and for a long time I avoided them, my aunts/uncles spend too much time drinking, always in the pub etc, so I stayed away until I could be a non drinker around them and be strong enough to make it happen.
Hang in there Jane!! 8 days is fantastic, and not worth compromising for anything or anyone!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
You don't have to visit anybody if you don't want to. Family members can trigger us in early recovery for many reasons. I worked really hard to keep only positive people in my life in the early months. You must put yourself first and keep the focus on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Yeah, my mom's an alcoholic. I've actually begun ignoring some of her Skype calls. If she calls in the morning my time, I know it's night time there, and she's plastered drunk. If she calls at night my time, I know it's morning there, so she'll be sober.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Firstly, I'd like to say I'm sorry for your situation. What you are experiencing isn't easy. When we are dealing with difficult things in life we want our loved ones to be there for us. You don't have that luxury. You have the reminder of what you are trying to achieve and why with the allure of alcohol in addition to it. I totally understand. My Mother "sets" me off. I don't like being around here when she is drinking which is at every social or family gathering we have. You have received terrific advice. I cannot offer anything other than what was already said. You must come first. Establish a strong sober foundation before trying to socialize with your family. It is hard, but sounds crucial given your situation. My best to you...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Jane. I'm sorry you are feeling in a bind with family. Protect your sobriety first. Sort through the tough initial days and then see what happens. If you don't have trouble with your mother, does she have a mobile you can call on? That way you know you will get her, not your dad.
Hugs. You're doing great.
Hugs. You're doing great.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Originally Posted by LosingmyMisery 
Firstly, I'd like to say I'm sorry for your situation. What you are experiencing isn't easy. When we are dealing with difficult things in life we want our loved ones to be there for us. You don't have that luxury. You have the reminder of what you are trying to achieve and why with the allure of alcohol in addition to it. I totally understand. My Mother "sets" me off. I don't like being around here when she is drinking which is at every social or family gathering we have. You have received terrific advice. I cannot offer anything other than what was already said. You must come first. Establish a strong sober foundation before trying to socialize with your family. It is hard, but sounds crucial given your situation. My best to you...
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Originally Posted by Ruby2
Hi Jane. I'm sorry you are feeling in a bind with family. Protect your sobriety first. Sort through the tough initial days and then see what happens. If you don't have trouble with your mother, does she have a mobile you can call on? That way you know you will get her, not your dad. Hugs. You're doing great.
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Originally Posted by TroyW
Yeah, my mom's an alcoholic. I've actually begun ignoring some of her Skype calls. If she calls in the morning my time, I know it's night time there, and she's plastered drunk. If she calls at night my time, I know it's morning there, so she'll be sober.
I'm sorry about your family situation. I can relate to screening your calls. Sometimes it's good to take time and space.
I hope you've got lots of support, we are all here for each other :-)
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Originally Posted by Anna
You don't have to visit anybody if you don't want to. Family members can trigger us in early recovery for many reasons. I worked really hard to keep only positive people in my life in the early months. You must put yourself first and keep the focus on your recovery.
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Originally Posted by Bmac
YOU come first. IMHO, you should allow yourself some time to build a strong foundation for your sobriety before exposing yourself to triggers if you can avoid them.
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight
You need to do what you need to do to protect your Sobreity at all costs!! My family on my dad's side sounds like yours, and for a long time I avoided them, my aunts/uncles spend too much time drinking, always in the pub etc, so I stayed away until I could be a non drinker around them and be strong enough to make it happen. Hang in there Jane!! 8 days is fantastic, and not worth compromising for anything or anyone!!
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Originally Posted by strategery
I don't live close to my family either. However, you need to do what is best for you to maintain your sobriety. You may need to distance yourself for awhile given what you've described. There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself and your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I too drank often to numb feelings of sadness, disappointment, confusion, guilt, anger, resentment etcetera that I felt around the dysfunction in my family.
Namely my parents. It's been a constant trigger in my life, I never knew of any other way to cope with those feelings. I know just how you feel JaneLane
Namely my parents. It's been a constant trigger in my life, I never knew of any other way to cope with those feelings. I know just how you feel JaneLane
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Originally Posted by Stratman1
I too drank often to numb feelings of sadness, disappointment, confusion, guilt, anger, resentment etcetera that I felt around the dysfunction in my family. Namely my parents. It's been a constant trigger in my life, I never knew of any other way to cope with those feelings. I know just how you feel JaneLane
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