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Hate myself right now

Old 04-18-2015, 01:36 AM
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Hate myself right now

I feel I have let everyone down and I hate myself for it!!!
I gave in without even thinking about it!! I really hate how I have screwed up
I loved sober me & being really happy with my hubby & as usual I have f*^%$d it up!
16 days gone for nothing!! Im really hating myself right now!
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Old 04-18-2015, 01:40 AM
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I think you;re beating yourself up a little too much here. That kind of self hatred can lead to more drinking.

You had 16 days - and you don't lose anything you learned in those 16 days.

you know how to get sober - now you need to work on staying sober...it's not back to square one...you have a running start

look at your recovery programme and think of things you can add now, pudsyh
D
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Old 04-18-2015, 01:42 AM
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No point beating yourself up

I am 21 months sober but wanna know my previous best ?

18 days

My point is we learn from our mistakes put things in place like acceptance and we work on ourselves it took me 3 months

You can do it friend trust me on that
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Old 04-18-2015, 01:55 AM
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You haven't lost 16 days, we all fall down and you've got back up and you're here.

It sounds like you did what happened to me last time (and many of us here) and went on autopilot, not even challenging that annoying voice encouraging you to drink. I'm only on day eight but one thing that's helping me is to have a plan to deal with cravings and being mindful.

I wish you the best and keep posting!
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Old 04-18-2015, 03:22 AM
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I'm feeling a bit better but this is the worst I have ever felt after a drink, mentally, because this is the longest I had gone for a long time & I screwed up for nothing.
Had a heart to heart with the hubby too which was good & we're ok. Back to day 1 :-)
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Old 04-18-2015, 03:43 AM
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Hi and welcome back.
Unfortunately relapses are common in the beginning, I identify with your feelings of despair and feeling like 16 says were wasted. That’s unfortunate and might be a benefit because you have a taste of what it’s like not to drink for a period and can be a goal to surpass that time.
One of the tools I used was the fact that if I don’t have that first drink one day at a time in a row, I won’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN.

BE WELL
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:31 AM
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Don't beat yourself up, tweak your plan and go at things again!!

You can do this!!
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Old 04-18-2015, 09:28 AM
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Just finished work where I was greeted by a bottle of rum!! I work in a small cafe but they decided to make a piņa colada cheesecake today!!! Today of all days!!
I didn't cave, although I wanted to!

Thank you for the kind words. I love this site, you don't have to wait for the next meeting or therapy session, you hear from people who have gone through the same.

Lots of love xxx
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Old 04-18-2015, 09:30 AM
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I don't have a plan. Is that wrong?? I just decided to stop drinking? X
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Old 04-18-2015, 09:32 AM
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YOu do what works and when it doesn't work, you do something else. Keep on.
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Old 04-18-2015, 09:42 AM
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Intending to not drink is certainly the beginnings of a plan, though for me sheer willpower only got me soo far, tackling the "drinking and not thinking" would be something that could be tweaked moving forward.

I went round in circles for a long time because I simply did the same things and expected different results, and then wondered why things didn't change when I went another few weeks and drank again.

The way forward was to add something new each time, new resources, more support, something to keep me focused on the task at hand, plan the pitfalls of Sobriety before they even happen and make Sobriety happen no matter what.

You can do this!!
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Old 04-18-2015, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by pudsyh View Post
I don't have a plan. Is that wrong?? I just decided to stop drinking? X
IMO, you do have a plan. Your current plan is to just stop drinking. But like any plan we make to reach a goal, it needs to be occasionally tweeked until you reach your goal. Maybe you just need to keep adding to your current plan until you reach your goal of not drinking. John
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