All came crashing down
 

Hi all

I know this is a familiar tale but I am so disgusted with myself right now and finding it hard going...

It was all going so well, I got up to 55 days without a drink, then drank once but got sober again for another week. But on Sunday I literally exploded - started drinking, got angry with my wife for no reason, was angry with my sons and have spent the last few days just shut away, drinking, watching Netflix and sleeping.

It was all going so well that the crash feels even more painful. As well as not drinking I had started jogging every evening, eating well, sleeping well and my creative work (a source of huge tension for me) was going really well

I just feel so completely ashamed of what I said and did that it just makes me want to drink more to hide from the shame.

Just needed to get that out I guess

J

I hope instead you decide to draw a line and face the future sober JUK :)

If you need help with working out a recovery plan this thread may be a good start?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D

This sounds like a good reminder about why you wanted to quit in the first place. I know staying sober is hard but it is worth it!!!

JUK...the AA Big Book describes that state as 'pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization'...

The AA Big Book also describes a path to FREEDOM and complete personal renewal.

The state you described IS THE STARTING POINT that the program of AA works so well from. All it takes is WILLINGNESS, and the state you describe is the point we ALL reach that brings us to that WILLINGNESS, so...this is your GOLDEN TICKET to a completely new life. Get an AA Big Book, read it, and DO THE 12 STEPS.

RDBplus3...Happy, Joyous, and FREE...and I KNOW you can be 2.

I'm on day 53 today. Thank you for reminding me not to think, even for a minute, that I can ever drink again. One sip and I would do just as you did. Climb back on the horse. You can't change the past but you can apologize...what they do with the apology is out of your control anyway, so focus on YOU. I've been in your shoes several times in the past. Jump back into the game with the rest of us and ask yourself "What have you learned Dorothy?"
You didn't "lose" 55 days of sobriety, you still made it to 55 days, but you learned something and thank you for reminding me NOT ONE SIP.....EVER! (NOSE) ((I just made that up! Thank you for that too!)) keep posting and reading. It helps.

Well there's some fine alcoholic logic right there, isn't it? Let me escape my shame by doing more of the thing that made me feel ashamed in the first place.

Part of your brain can see the absolute foolishness of that way of thinking. Put that part in charge, it knows what it's doing. You will likely hear dissenting thoughts and voices. They lie.

Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring

You obviously know how to not drink; you did it for 55 days. Take a good hard look at your recovery program (no, I am not talking about AA) and see where the hole is and patch it up. What was going on with you before you picked up that first drink? How were you feeling? Why were you unable to utilize the mental and spiritual tools that had gotten you this far?

Answer these questions honestly and make the changes necessary to your spiritual growth plan. True sobriety starts with not drinking, but that is only a very small part of it. The real work is changing how we look at ourselves and the world around us.

Just abstinence never worked for me. I was sober numerous times and always went back. At the end I had given up on quitting and was just waiting to die. The problem was I didn't die and things just kept getting worse.

When things changed is when I did. I saw a doctor, entered a long term IOP, and became active in AA.

At least for me I couldn't do it on my own I needed a lot of help

This

Just come back and try something a bit different. You'll find the right plan just keep trying.

Work on changing how we look at ourselves and the world around us. That's priceless!!
Thanks, Bmac. John

JUK, you can make some changes and get back at it. You had 55 days and were feeling good. Hopefully you can figure out what made you decide to drink at that point and then get back on the recovery journey.

Thanks Dee for your reply and for the link. I downloaded the document about recovery plans and will work through it. I was interested to read the bits about identifying triggers and when things are starting to go wrong - it's always easy to see those things in hindsight so if I can learn to be ready for them that might help.
Thanks again
J