Hello all, I'm new
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 1
Hello all, I'm new
Found this place by accident whilst searching for some non religious support.
My partner drinks. Every night.
A little while ago I woke up to the sound of him peeing somewhere other than the toilet. I managed to stop him. At the time it was pointed out he was mortified and took himself off to the spare room. By the morning he still wasn’t wanting to talk. The next he casually asked what was in the washing machine. He looked completely confused when I said towels. It was apparent he had no recollection. So, with tears in my eyes, I told him, how he had proceeded to climb out of bed, and urinate over the furniture. I told him that I loved him with all my heart, and that I would do anything I could to help him, but that I would not tolerate what he had done.
He was shocked to the core. After a few minutes silence, he said to me that as a young adult, he knew a couple where the husband would come home from the pub and pee in the cupboard. It was funny at the time, but that he never ever thought he’d become that person. He was crying.
I’ve heard a lot of excuses while we have been together. I need my freedom. I don’t drink that much. I can’t sleep without it. You have your hobby. Plenty of other people do it. That night he finally admitted he had a problem, and used the word alcoholic. I told him I want him to get some help. Reminded him that in the early days of me struggling with depression, he told me to ‘fix my ***’. So, I said, I’m asking you now. He told me he struggles with anxiety, so 'like you, I am medicating'. (I am on prescription medication.)
There was no yelling, no blaming. But the next night he picked up where he had left off, and went back to the pub.
He drinks to celebrate, when he watches sport. He drinks when he is happy, sad or bored. If we have an argument, he goes to the pub. Every night.
I don't know what to do.
My partner drinks. Every night.
A little while ago I woke up to the sound of him peeing somewhere other than the toilet. I managed to stop him. At the time it was pointed out he was mortified and took himself off to the spare room. By the morning he still wasn’t wanting to talk. The next he casually asked what was in the washing machine. He looked completely confused when I said towels. It was apparent he had no recollection. So, with tears in my eyes, I told him, how he had proceeded to climb out of bed, and urinate over the furniture. I told him that I loved him with all my heart, and that I would do anything I could to help him, but that I would not tolerate what he had done.
He was shocked to the core. After a few minutes silence, he said to me that as a young adult, he knew a couple where the husband would come home from the pub and pee in the cupboard. It was funny at the time, but that he never ever thought he’d become that person. He was crying.
I’ve heard a lot of excuses while we have been together. I need my freedom. I don’t drink that much. I can’t sleep without it. You have your hobby. Plenty of other people do it. That night he finally admitted he had a problem, and used the word alcoholic. I told him I want him to get some help. Reminded him that in the early days of me struggling with depression, he told me to ‘fix my ***’. So, I said, I’m asking you now. He told me he struggles with anxiety, so 'like you, I am medicating'. (I am on prescription medication.)
There was no yelling, no blaming. But the next night he picked up where he had left off, and went back to the pub.
He drinks to celebrate, when he watches sport. He drinks when he is happy, sad or bored. If we have an argument, he goes to the pub. Every night.
I don't know what to do.
Last edited by Dee74; 04-16-2015 at 05:41 PM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
Welcome Tiggypig.
I am glad you found this site as it has been a great source of support for me. Unfortunately, there is not a thing you can do to change him until he is ready to change. It seems like he has an idea that he has a real problem but if he is still going out and drinking that's not a good sign.
I think you would get more help in the Friends and Family section of the forum.
I am so sorry for the situation you're in.
I am glad you found this site as it has been a great source of support for me. Unfortunately, there is not a thing you can do to change him until he is ready to change. It seems like he has an idea that he has a real problem but if he is still going out and drinking that's not a good sign.
I think you would get more help in the Friends and Family section of the forum.
I am so sorry for the situation you're in.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,922
Welcome to SR, TiggyPig. I'm glad you found us. You might want to post in the Friends and Family area; it will get more advice. Ultimately you can't force someone to change. You can support them, absolutely you can set boundaries, but they have to be willing to do the work.
I wish you well, Tiggy!
I wish you well, Tiggy!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,892
Welcome to SR!
Sorry you are going through this. Have you found the Friends and Family section? Lots of great stuff there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Just one point from me; persistent alcohol use causes increased anxiety. He'll never be able to drink that away. I have significantly less anxiety since I stopped drinking.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Sorry you are going through this. Have you found the Friends and Family section? Lots of great stuff there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Just one point from me; persistent alcohol use causes increased anxiety. He'll never be able to drink that away. I have significantly less anxiety since I stopped drinking.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
In addition to Friends and families forum Al Anon face to face meetings are very effective in dealing with alcoholics.
You may not like all you hear but they have many years experience dealing.
BE WELL
In addition to Friends and families forum Al Anon face to face meetings are very effective in dealing with alcoholics.
You may not like all you hear but they have many years experience dealing.
BE WELL
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 209,117
Hi and welcome TiggyPig - I'm sorry for what brings you here but I know you'll find support.
I made many promises like your partner - and I meant them at the time. But I had a burning desire to drink - I thought I could find a way to drink as much as I wanted and not have bad things happen.
I believed that because I wanted to believe that.
You have to decide where your breaking point is I think. I'm sorry it's such a bleak choice.
D
I made many promises like your partner - and I meant them at the time. But I had a burning desire to drink - I thought I could find a way to drink as much as I wanted and not have bad things happen.
I believed that because I wanted to believe that.
You have to decide where your breaking point is I think. I'm sorry it's such a bleak choice.
D
welcome
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