rdy2change

I spent probably 5-6 hours yesterday reading these boards. I didn't think I would join and post but seeing all the support I decided to.

I am 29 and I am an alcoholic. Sounds so terrible to admit because I am also a mother. Not to mention destroying my relationship with my bf. Ever since I can remember I could never moderately drink. I always needed more more more. I would buy a bottle of wine and say, just a glass a night. But then drank the whole thing. I hit such a low the other day. I literally hate myself for it. I had to be escorted home by two police officers because I had been drinking, went walking to get more to drink and fell over. Thankfully my bf was home and they left me with him. I totally embarrassed myself. Him and everyone. Like I have done so many times since my early twenties. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. Nearly hate myself. I feel like such a crappy mom. Like how could I let this sick disease control me more than the love for my daughter? Makes me want to cry. I just might. I love her more than anything. I don't know why I could never just stop in the past or I thought I could moderate but I am ready to stop completely now. I know I have to accept the fact that I can't drink like a normal person. And I want to be the best mom ever for my daughter. Someone she adores. I have so many regrets. Ugh. Sometimes I just feel like the worst person in the world. How could this happen to me? I haven't drank since monday, I know not a big deal.. But for the first time I really feel the power to not drink. At least for now. I know I need support and this seems like a great place! I love reading the success stories. And people I can relate to. My bf I know I put him through a lot but it doesn't help me when he yells at me and calls me a crazy lunatic and a horrible person. I realize I have a disease now and I want to rid of it. I hate who I have become and want to be who I was and could be. I hope this wasn't too long. I kind of yammered on... But this community seems great!

ZaBoozer

Welcome. Congratulations on taking the first step. You have definitely come to the right place.

firstymer

Welcome to SR, rdytochange. I have received an enormous amount of help and support and advice from the good people here.

I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.

Nonsensical

Oh, great. Do we really need another alcoholic trying to recover hanging around here?



Yer Darn Tootin!

Welcome!!!

Berrybean

Well done for realising that it's the first drink that does the damage, and the power that alcohol has over you. This is a great place for support. I know a number of young ladies at AA who are Moms. They regularly speak about how much more they enjoy their Mom role in sobriety than they did when they were drinking, and how they can see their relationships with their children improving all the time. Alcoholism does not discriminate. It affects people of all ages; genders; social groups and professions. Being a mother doesn't make you immune. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You sound like you are ready and willing to tackle it, and that is all you can do for now.

Good luck. xx

Coldfusion

Welcome! Admitting you are powerless over alcohol is the first step to recovery. Now the work begins to STAY sober--read around and post often!

Coldfusion

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rdy2change

Omg, lol. I basically only saw the first thing you wrote. For some reason that's all my brain was reading and I was so disheartened... But I saw the second part!


Thanks, guys! You all really seem so great! I am utterly so embarrassed by so many things in my past. And not many people if any know that I was still a drinker even after becoming a mom cause I was embarrassed by it. All the control it had on my life. It's great to read others stories and their successes. I felt "at home" reading posts all yesterday!

I definitely feel 110 percent ready to recover. I remember all the times in the past I messed up or drank to much I would think I coukdnt drink, then have such a strong desire, could not imagine giving it up. And although it has only been a few days I can definitely imagine a great sober life. Having the police escort me home now that I was a mother really shook me to the core. What a f*** up I was. I could have gotten arrested or had CPS come. And if I lost my daughter I would die. She is my everything. I am crying as I type this. But I know I can have fun without alcohol. Why did I think I needed it? I definitely will post a lot! I really need some good friends and support. Like everyone does!

ZaBoozer

You will definitely have friends here and I promise you, you will get all the support that you need.

rdy2change

Thanks everyone! I have to admit, despite reading many stories on here I was still embarrassed to post. Admittedly, the reason I didn't post yesterday was because I didn't want people to know a mother of a young one succumbed to a dangerous disease like alcoholism. Almost like I was saying I loved it more than my daughter... And I dont! Thought it seems and feels as if I did. I do realize now I have absolutely no control. I can't stop. When I do have to stop because there is none I was so anxious. I immediately think about when I can get more. Ugh. ;( I have so many countless times tries to moderate. I remember buying one four pack of those mini wines and getting home and consuming them all so fast and thinking, wtf I should have gotten two! My boyfriend thinks I am just a psycho. And when I drink I can be but I feel like I am a great person sober! My daughter is only 20 months and says a few short sentences, and we read 10-15 books a day! I feel like I am a very sweet person and intelligent. I don't want to wreck my whole life for alcohol. I am on that path right now. My daughter deserves a sober mom.

I feel really good today though. Yesterday was miserable. I had terrivle post alcohol anxiety. Bed ridden basically. But today I feel good. I am sue as time moves forward and the events fade I will (unfortunately) want (my drink of choice) wine but I am going to stay strong and use this board and read others posts and abstain. I know it's not an easy recovery but I deserve better and my daughter does too.

KeepTruckin

Welcome! I'm about your age and can totally relate. I don't have kids yet, but I am one of those can't-stop-once-I-start kind of drinkers. I didn't used to think that was a reason to have to abstain since I never drank daily or anything like that, but over the years and the tears and embarrassment and guilt that has come with my drinking, I've realized it doesn't matter how I define what problem drinking is... it's causing me problems! And if it is causing you problems I think you will find the understanding and support you are looking for right here. There are lots of posts and links to articles on other resources you can check out as well. I wish you the best of luck as you start this journey and I think you and your daughter will be all the happier for it!

Soberwolf

Welcome Rdy2change

SDH73

Hi, rdy2change!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Rdy2change!!