Well, Songkran is over...
 

... back to reality I go.

Gotta admit, not sure if I'm thrilled about it. Reality seems a little drab at times.

Give reality a chance Troy.

I never really appreciated it til I gave it several months.

My outlook was so booze sodden it took that long for me to see things clearly, and not distorted through alcohol.

D

There's a few things I don't like about this. One, I'm not willing to look in the mirror and see a diseased person who has a terminal illness, which is what many of you seem to do. I'm not doing that. I'm a very good hearted, intelligent, empathetic, loving individual -- not some diseased person who needs help.

I don't know... I've dug a hole so far deep, I can't see the way out any more, you know? Then it's weird, because I have parents throwing their kids at me, asking me to please help educate them. Thanks to Songkran, I now have a 17 & 18 year old I'm supposed to train on software development. Not sure how well that will go, but we'll see what happens. If they're receptive to learning, I can put them in a position where they'll make far more than anywhere else in the conventional job market.

Fine, but if you're thinking, "Therefore I can keep drinking..." then beware. That is the addiction talking. Not so visible in the mirror, but quite evident in your actions.

Life is a terminal illness Troy ;)

I think it's very easy to get sidetracked with talk about is it a disease or not, but it's not actually necessary to decide what alcoholism is in order to stop. You can just...stop drinking alcohol.

I'm not saying it's easy, but it is simple in scope. If you have the desire to stop, you can.

As for being stuck in a hole - I drank and drugged for 30 years. I got out of the hole. It was a long climb back but I made it.

You can too - if you want to? :)

D

Views what addiction vary from person to person. The important thing in my mind is accepting that alcohol isn't for everyone. I don't feel diseased but I know alcohol will kill me if I let it.

These kids deserve the best version of you and so do you.

Also, there are self-empowerment methods of getting sober.

What are you willing to do?

I look in the mirror and see someone who is sober. I see a person who doesn't drink alcohol because it has a negative effect on my life. I see a person who took positive action to make myself a BETTER person for not only myself but my family, friends and employers by removing alcohol from my life.

Being good hearted, intelligent empathetic and loving has absolutely zero to do with having a disease or affliction. And that doesn't just apply to alcoholism... there are people right here on SR with Physical Disabilities, Mental Disabilities, Social inequties, Allergies, you name it - and they are better for being sober regardless of those things. Same applies in every walk of life.

Troy, getting hung up on whether alcohol addiction is a disease, a life long affliction or whatever you want to see it as won't resolve the issue if it's causing problems in your life.

There are a lot of people who define themselves as alcoholics who are highly intelligent, doctors, judges, writers, painters, you name it, we are out there. I often thought the biggest impediment to me first getting sober and then staying sober was over thinking things. Being too smart for my own good. I discovered that over analysis led to paralysis.

I've never been called stupid. I've been called bossy but never mean. I'm a good person who happens to have no control over my drinking once I start.

If you want to dig out of the hole, you can. If you don't? That's your call.

Hello Troy

When I look in the mirror the only thing that comes to mind is, should I get a buzz cut or should I spend more money on my next haircut so it looks okay after a couple weeks.

Why don't you just join me as a nondrinker?

In the beginning, many of us types spend far too much energy trying to figure out what went wrong. Is it a disease, is it due to my shortcomings as a person? Whatever.

I didn't spend a whole lot of time attempting to define myself when I finally decided to quit drinking. All I knew is that drinking caused a lot of problems for me over the years, and the last one was the final straw so to speak. I was determined to never allow alcohol to have any effect on my life again.

That was it. I quit drinking - for good. What I am now is someone who used to drink a lot. But I have no need to explain myself to anyone about it if I choose not to. Nobody.
I also have no need to label myself with any of the "terms" used by society as a whole. I don't smoke and no-one questions that. I am a non-smoker.

I just don't know what to do any more. Been in love twice. Once I got married, and even got him permanent residency status to Canada (he was an illegal Hungarian immigrant when we met). Trust me, getting PR status to Canada is no easy task. Then we moved to Europe, and everything fell apart. We're back to communicating with each other, so that's nice, but yeah...

Then I somehow found myself in Thailand, fell in love again, and 3 years later ended that little relationship. Now I'm back to being alone, but have a couple really cool dogs at least.

I'm currently an illegal immigrant, and the only form of ID I have is a ******** that expired almost a year ago exactly. I'm 12,000kms from my closest family member. This is how far I've went to escape the "real world".

Thing is, I'm such a great guy. I know I am, because everyone has always told me I am. I'm intelligent as well. Haven't really done much work in 4 weeks now, but if / when I funnel that energy into work, some pretty cool **** tends to happen. And good paying **** too.

I don't know... I just don't want to be me any more. Know what I mean?

Be a different you. Spend time finding you. In your description I've read two things which might be a pattern that I fell into too many times because I didn't know myself and was never comfortable with myself and wanted to get away. What I see is 1) rescue - you meet and fall in love with someone who isn't necessarily the best fit but a means to an end and gets you away from things and which is a means to 2) escaping. First a Hungarian immigrant and a move to Europe and then somehow you find yourself in Thailand and in another relationship. Maybe skip getting involved in a relationship. I went from serial relationship to serial relationship trying to fill a void. It never worked. And in the meantime, my drinking got worse. Also trying to fill a void. More incentive.

Staying sober in songkran I would have thought would be impossible. I was out there fighting two years ago and I couldn't stay sober even when supposed to be training.

I wish you all the best of luck I am sure you will stay strong :)

คุณฝึกมวยไทยไหม

(For the mods, I'm asking if he's a Muay Thai fighter. Don't worry, nothing bad)

TroyW, I am really hoping you find some sense of happiness since it seems like you are really looking for it. First thing to help with this would be to stop drinking and face life without that obstacle. It may seem to numb and help at the time but that's all it really is, an obstacle.

You do muay thai boxing ?

"You train for Muay Thai?" is what it's meant to say at least.

Don't worry about Google Translate. It's horrible, or at least for Thai it is. :-)

I remember kickboxer the film & hot shots part deux where they parody it with sweets lol

Muay thai takes dedication it looks so brutal knees elbows etc

I had the same issue, in the runup to Songkran - was doing so well, stayed sober for almost all the period since NYE Dec 31st, including staying at a monastery for all of March.

Then slipped up BIG TIME over Songkran in Chiang Mai.

Needless to say feeling pretty bad about myself.

I have been in thailand a lot love the training spent many trips at different gyms across the country (mainly the southern islands) its an amazing but brutal sport. I had to return to the UK though the problem I found in Thailand is it was so hard to stay away from the drink and drugs especially the islands where it is so easily available.

I loved songkran but find it impossible to stay sober during it hopefully will be able to go back for it one day and do it sober :)

Back there october-january and can not wait love the country.

Hope things are going well :)