NightNDay

I haven't been around much lately. I lost my job, which has been very depressing. I have not drank over it, though, and haven't even really wanted to. I'm going to a meeting every single day (sometimes more than one) and I'm feeling okay about it all...meaning, I don't think there's any risk I'll drink right now. (Or, if there is, I feel reasonably confident I would pick up the phone and call someone before I made that awful choice.)

At any rate, everything feels like it is changing so fast right now, and that terrifies me. I woke up this morning feeling optimistic and excited about what life had in store; before long I was stressed out and down in the dumps.

I've got a job interview later this week, and there's a huge part of me that just wants to call the company back and tell them I'm no longer interested.

WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!?!

I really need a job, and this is a decent enough job. It's not in my field, and it would require nights and weekends, and I just keep telling myself, "Taking this job will comprimise your sobriety."

I think that's BS. I think that I'm using that as an excuse to cancel the job interview.

(Also, notice how I said, "Taking this job...." as if I've already been offered it. I haven't even interviewed yet! That's how much my mind is running away ahead of things right now.)

I just keep thinking, "If I have a job where I work nights and weekends, I can't go to my regular meetings and I'll relapse."

The first part of this sentence is true. If I get this job I will not be able to go to any of my regular meetings. However, I could certainly find other meetings to attend.

I guess I'm just nervous. I barely have 30 days of sobriety and I'm terrified of shaking things up too much by taking a job that would require a pretty significant change to my schedule.

However, I really need the money. I would be able to manage without it, but only barely.

I know this is going to sound INSANE, but there's some part of me that was almost relieved that none of the places I applied called me back. It was easier that way, I suppose. When one called to set up an interview, I initially felt excited and thrilled. But before long I had talked myself into a major panic over thoughts of, "Am I ready for this?" and "Maybe I shouldn't even bother going on the interview, because I need to find a job with more regular hours."

Any advice or words of encouragement?

Did you have trouble getting back into the "normal world" after you got sober?

Anna

I think that you're still finding your way in recovery. 30 days is fantastic, but still relatively early. So it's not surprising that you are having mixed feelings about a new job. While it would be a relief to have job and a new opportunity, it will also bring some stresses into your life. Do you think you can deal with those stresses? That has to be balanced off with the stress of not having a job? This is life and it's not easy, but you'll figure it out. You might want to try a writing down some of the benefits and the costs of a new job to help you sort out your feelings.

Anna

I think that you're still finding your way in recovery. 30 days is fantastic, but still relatively early. So it's not surprising that you are having mixed feelings about a new job. While it would be a relief to have job and a new opportunity, it will also bring some stresses into your life. Do you think you can deal with those stresses? That has to be balanced off with the stress of not having a job? This is life and it's not easy, but you'll figure it out. You might want to try a writing down some of the benefits and the costs of a new job to help you sort out your feelings.

JaneLane

Oh my gosh I can relate to this. I am on my fourth day sober after losing my job which was indirectly a result of the drink. I have two job interviews this week and spent half an hour after scheduling it panicking that I would get the job and slip back into old habits.

I attend AA too and I just wanted to say that I slipped in my recovery because I didn't take it seriously. Scheduling alternative meetings and focusing on your sobriety IS taking it seriously and if you continue to look after yourself, I'm sure you can balance the two. Thing is, if you need the money, then not having an income can be super stressful too.

I know that going to meetings and taking time to rest is good for me, but I also know that the routine from a job and financial security may really help towards this new stage of my life.

My best time in recovery was when I was working full time and going to four meetings a week, sometimes five. I used to go to 1 early morning meeting and the rest straight after work. Having that routine helped a lot and it was a nice way to wind down after work :-)

I wish you lots of luck and do what is right for you.

IWillWin

Hi NightNDay!

First, 30 days is a huge accomplishment and congrats on your success! I've just come through the unemployment blues myself and I felt the same as you at first. I actually did cancel interviews for various reasons, but mostly because I knew deep down that I didn't really want those jobs even though they were high paying and in my field. I took some time to dig deep and really determine what I want to do with myself in my professional life - I had a successful career for 20 years in one field but burned out pretty bad towards the end. It was wonderful for the most part, but high pay and long hours come at a price. By the time I was laid off, I was actually grateful for some time to rest.

I've been sober 2.5 years now, and I can wholeheartedly tell you that this unemployment period is best tackled sober. If I had been drinking when it happened I am certain I would have been in deep trouble. The time off allowed me to focus on myself, my sobriety and my healing soul. It's been a blessing, a rough ride at points, and a very surreal experience after being employed for all of my adult life.

All that said, it is natural to feel uneasy and confused during this time - loss of a job is right up there as a life altering event that pushes people to their limits. Realizing that what you are feeling is normal is a huge step so I figured sharing my story may help as you navigate your next steps. Don't go on interviews that you really don't want, do look outside of your comfort zone as this is an opportunity to reinvent yourself professionally, and continue to maintain laser focus on your sobriety. Something will shift and it will all work out but in the meantime know you are not alone - and that a drink in this situation would be really bad so always keep that as your priority.

MrQuit

I never would have landed my dream job if I hadn't turned down some shoddy ones first.

Just saying.

JaneLane

Also I just had a re read of your initial post and you said it's not in your field. If you enjoy your industry and you can afford to keep applying for jobs in it in the meantime, then this time away from work could be a great opportunity to find the right job for you :-)

Soberwolf

This

CharlesG

I'm currently working at a temp agency where I work a new place everyday and it's been exciting to say the least. It helps because a lot of the jobs ask for drug tests, and i havent been able to take any of those jobs because hell I'm sure i would fail after only 11/12 days clean.
The routine of working has me in a state where I dont even think of smoking or drinking, and it's been really fulfilling for me. If I were used to doing those things within my schedule it would be worrying no doubt. Working doesnt give me much time to do much, I log on to SR while having some off time during work, and I get to reflect a lot on my way to work. I have no transportation so this has been life changing that I have the control to change my financial situation and be able to use my free time better.
free time is always what led me to using. Something about idle mind being the devil's playground.. Good luck and congrats on all your sober days! My goal is to have this be just the way it is, as it is slowly becoming!

Joe Nerv

The most important part of all this, to me, is that you're 30 days sober. That's a huge accomplishment, yet you're still very new to sobriety.

The 2nd most important part is this:

When I was new to AA, I was told to make no major changes in the first year, and to concentrate solely on learning to live a sober life. Sobriety had to be absolute #1 priority. I was also told that I need not feel any guilt about that either, as it was my much needed healing time. I listened. I did nothing my first year sober other than go to meetings, get involved in the 12 steps, and well... all other things sober related. No jobs (lived on public assistance and my parents), no school, no major decisions or stressors. And while I took it a day at a time, I also knew that when the time was right I would know it, and I would move on.

About 2 days after my 1 year anniversary my corner grocery store put a "help wanted" sign on their counter, pretty much minutes before I walked in. At the time it was really all I was qualified to do, and I took it as a sign of my working a diligent 3rd step . I took that job, eventually went back to school, became a teacher, and shortly after got re involved my passion of writing music and performing. Pieces just began to fall into place, as I trusted in the work I was doing with the 12 steps.

I say put any guilt on the shelf and if you can survive without the job right now, stay away. Put all your energy into a solid sober foundation. It will pay off enormously in the end.

Not to derail the thread, but I'm still applying things I learned that first year. I lost a significant part of my income this year (about half), and went through some fear and frustration over it. Yet I never stopped putting one foot in front of the other, and turning it over to my HP, regardless of the fact that I wasn't always 100% trusting. While I'd very much like it to be, my faith isn't flawless. What I got out of it however was the ability to continue living my life just as I was (didn't really feel the money loss), and an opportunity to go back to work towards a masters degree - in a new, and different field, nutrition. School starts for me May 11th, which I'm super psyched for. Began some preliminary classes already... anyhow. Just posting that to affirm that this stuff works. Really. Cut yourself a break. Sounds like you need it. Things will fall into place as, and when they should.

Congrats on the 30 days!

Dee74

I think you're doing a great job of working through the rationalisations NightNDay.
I wish you the best whatever you decide

D

NightNDay

Thanks everybody!

I figure I will at least go to the interview on Friday, and then take it from there. It's hard, because the thought of doing this job greatly depresses me -- I'm not even sure why. I guess it feels like admitting defeat. I had a six-figure job once, and now...well, not so much.

I guess I've believed deep down that when the time was right, I'd re-enter the workforce with gusto (I have been working all along, but only part-time). I thought when the time was right, I'd come roaring back and go snag some great job.

I see how ridiculous this is...it's just hard for me to admit it. I don't know why. I have no trouble admitting I'm an alcoholic, but it is very hard for me to admit just how bad my life has gotten.

As the years went by in an alcoholic blur, my real life diverged very far from the life I'd always imagined myself living. The more that happened, the more I drank...and the worse it got. It's a story as old as time.

I really do need to at least pursue this job and give it a bit of a chance. The routine and structure would be good for me, and I could still make plenty of meetings. It's just depressing to have to consider taking a job doing something I don't like.

I just wish my life were somewhere different, but it's not. I have to deal with reality.

Dee74

This may not be your dream job but it's a job...it might just be the first step to you getting back where you want to be?

D