Originally Posted by AddictGuy

Hey Alex,

You are welcome for my little post. As to the physical pain in your chest, that is a bit beyond my pay scale. It could be stress, It could be something else. But yes, it could be a feeling that there is a physical effect to the weight of guilt.

Forgiveness:

they say that it is not the present that drives us mad but rather it is the regrets of the past and the anxieties of the future. The bottom line is, our thinking can destroy us, from the inside out, so we had better manage it. I think we can easily mislead ourselves into thinking that feeling really bad about what we have done in the past can somehow do a good thing. Maybe the thought is that the good thing is the punishment we deal out to ourselves with feeling guilty as an attempt to balance the scales so that we receive justice – so that justice is served and all is again made level -- kind of a self-administered eye for an eye thing. Or it could be we think if we only feel bad enough that we will then learn to never do such a bad thing again. One thing is for sure. Nothing makes the bad thing go away. It is done.

Regardless, we have all sinned, Alex. We have all done wrong to our fellow man or woman. Strangely the better among us feel worse about it, the worse among us sleep just fine. It’s a lot harder when you actually want to be a good person. Doesn’t seem quit fair, does it?

I sometime recall, for reasons I can’t comprehend, sins even from my earliest childhood and I feel just as bad about them now, if not worse, as if they had just happened again. they just pop into my head now and then, not to mention what I have done in the last week, month, year, or decade. I sometimes ask myself if these people recall these things as well after all of this time, or is this some hell that I am only going through all by myself after everyone else has moved on.

So I can have these sins I have done, but then with the recalling of them, it is as if I am doing them over and over again endlessly and feeling the pain of the guilt all of those many extra times as well. So, in that sense, I can do the crime once and pay for it a thousand times . . . or ten thousand times. That, Alex, certainly is not justice. And yes, I had to find a way to release myself from the weight of past sins, as we all must, or be crushed by them.

There is making amends:

Is there anything you can do, beyond self-punishment to make what you have done right, or at least less wrong? Can you tell someone you are sorry? can you bake someone a cake? can you send someone flowers? can you write someone a check? If you can make an effort, then great. Sometimes there just isn’t anything you can do toward the offended party. If they don’t want anything to do with you, and don’t want you contacting them, or somehow or another they are just gone, well then, you are released from making that kind of overture. I also want to mention, I just don’t think I would make too many confessions about guilt if it were a matter of the law or potential legal action. Depending on what you had done and how you feel about it, but I would think long and hard about “turning myself in” if it came to that. But that’s just me.

I have found that often, I must even remind myself that I did do my best to make amends in one instance or another, and so give myself permission, again, to move on from that one. I can even agonize over something that I was forgiven for. How pointless can you get?

the serenity prayer:

I don’t pray myself, but for the sake of sanity it is one of the best concepts I have ever heard. the idea is to change what you can, accept what you can’t and know the difference. This prayer, or point of view, comes back to my mind all the time about many things. for any chance at peace of mind or joy – mental health -- it is really a great, great thing. It seems so many people who are aware of it, don’t keep it in mind, to their own harm.


jedi mind trick a friend of mine called it that.


I have seen different versions of it – called thought blocking. this is just my own little version of it. You are having intrusive thoughts; many of us do. one second it is not there, the next second it is, and, of course, it feels terrible, starts dragging you down and you don’t know what to do about it. this is what I do in those moments:

first I recognize it; I take notice of it’s presence. I say “There” . . . . . . that is me acknowledging it. the quicker I can do that the less time it has to really start hurting me emotionally or tensing me up.

then I say, “Let that go” . . . . I am commanding my mind not to focus on the thought; to make it dissipate like a mist. It is strangely effective, though once I come under attack from my own thoughts, I could have to stay at it for a while.

then I say, “Just relax” . . . . to myself. It is like I am telling myself to go to default mode: a calm state. It might not have been my default mode in the past, but I can be reprogramming myself for it to be my new default mode, a direction that is very, very beneficial – to just relax.

there, let that go, and just relax

there, let that go, and just relax

it’s the closest thing to a mental miracle I know of.


Staying in the present:

I have found that one of the best ways to keep my head above water, so to speak, emotionally and mentally, is to repeat this little special-purpose mantra . . . slogan, whatever you want to call it. when my mind goes to some past sin, and it will, I say to myself,

“that was there and then, this is here and now”

and I will repeat that as needed. It brings me back to the present, and takes me away from rehashing some past sin – endlessly. I find it lifts my spirits immediately, to much joy and relief. It is almost as if I once again give the sunlight my permission to shine through my window.

Meditation

and I always do a program of mental exercise that I am committed to to keep me sane over the years for whatever threatens my mental wellbeing. I meditate. there are endless ways to do that, but I keep it basic. It’s about mindfulness. stepping back and thinking about what we are thinking about. Being your own watcher. observing our thought processes and making choices about which thoughts we will entertain and which thoughts we will dismiss. this takes a lot of present moment awareness, and it takes practice, but those prices paid are certainly worth it, compared to the price of unchecked, unremitting . . . guilt, for instance. It works for all other negative emotions and unwelcome obsessive thoughts equally as well.


Alex,

I wish you the very best and if I can do anything else for you feel free to let me know.


P.S. I am thinking that someone else may benefit from what I have written here as well, and with your permission, I would like to add it to your post so more people can see it, ok?