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Old 04-15-2015, 12:33 AM
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I also ruined what could have been a relationship with this guy. He was one of the sweetest guy that I've been with in awhile. And of cos drunk me just ruined everything. Ive only met him a total of 4 times but I was only sober during the first date. The rest of the 3 times I was drunk and that was in the span of 2 months.

When I got in trouble when I was drunk he came and helped and nevertheless he was pissed. Who wouldn't whe you called them for help at 5am and sure enough he doesn't want anything with me anymore.

I wished I could have realize everything sooner. I guess I was in denial.
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:40 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by alexddy View Post
I also ruined what could have been a relationship with this guy. He was one of the sweetest guy that I've been with in awhile. And of cos drunk me just ruined everything. Ive only met him a total of 4 times but I was only sober during the first date. The rest of the 3 times I was drunk and that was in the span of 2 months.

When I got in trouble when I was drunk he came and helped and nevertheless he was pissed. Who wouldn't whe you called them for help at 5am and sure enough he doesn't want anything with me anymore.

I wished I could have realize everything sooner. I guess I was in denial.
Hey alex,

I am not going to say you didn't ruin it, but hang in there. It shows something that he came to help you at 5am. You never know what the future holds. Work on your sobriety for now and all things will eventually fall into place. What will be, will be.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers

ZAB
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:44 AM
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I'm a little late but welcome alex. You're not a bad person...you've been ill, but now you're getting better

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Old 04-15-2015, 12:52 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ZaBoozer View Post
Hey alex,

I am not going to say you didn't ruin it, but hang in there. It shows something that he came to help you at 5am. You never know what the future holds. Work on your sobriety for now and all things will eventually fall into place. What will be, will be.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers

ZAB
Hi Zab,

I don't think it meant anything to him. He told me the only reason he came to save me was that he was brought up this way.

But feeling sorry about the whole situation won't change a thing. I'm just praying hard that I wouldn't have a relapse. You can say everything but if you don't change it means nothing.

I'm so glad that I posted here. I'm feeling so much better today and I will be going for AA meeting later.
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Old 04-15-2015, 01:43 AM
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Welcome to the forums Alex.

Maybe it's time for you to quit drinking???

There is a lot of advice and support here..
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:11 AM
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Alex,

On the mend

welcome to your new life.
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:08 PM
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Welcome to the Forum!!
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:17 PM
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Welcome Alex,
I know the shame you are feeling only too well. Please be reassured that over time while not drinking, the shame will fade and you will start to feel good about yourself again. You are not a bad person, far from it, you just need to stop drinking and get all the support you need to do it. We are here for you.
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Old 04-19-2015, 10:29 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by alexddy
Hi,

Thank you so much for your time for writing such a long and inspiring message to me when you don't even know me. Please do share this message, I am sure many people will benefit from it.

What I'm feeling is exactly what you wrote. One minute I will fee like as thou what happened doesn't bother me anymore but suddenly next minute the thoughts come rushing in and I'm right where i am again. I suppose we are all very harsh on ourselves when sometimes the other party might not even remember what we have done. I'm just taking it one step at a time but I difinitely do feel much better than I am few days back.

However, it is also this guilt which I'm feeling which makes me realize that I have a drinking problem and I should change for the better.

I know the pain I'm going thru right now will fade eventually. I'm not really good with words but I'm can't thank you enough for your advise. I wish you all the best, God bless you! x


Originally Posted by AddictGuy
Originally Posted by alexddy
Hey. Thanks a lot for your words on my thread.

But I'm still feeling really guilty about the things I've done tha I'm actually feeling a lot of pain inside. I actually feel the pain hurting in my chest. Have you ever felt like this before? How do you deal with it?
Hey Alex,

You are welcome for my little post. As to the physical pain in your chest, that is a bit beyond my pay scale. It could be stress, It could be something else. But yes, it could be a feeling that there is a physical effect to the weight of guilt.

Forgiveness:

they say that it is not the present that drives us mad but rather it is the regrets of the past and the anxieties of the future. The bottom line is, our thinking can destroy us, from the inside out, so we had better manage it. I think we can easily mislead ourselves into thinking that feeling really bad about what we have done in the past can somehow do a good thing. Maybe the thought is that the good thing is the punishment we deal out to ourselves with feeling guilty as an attempt to balance the scales so that we receive justice – so that justice is served and all is again made level -- kind of a self-administered eye for an eye thing. Or it could be we think if we only feel bad enough that we will then learn to never do such a bad thing again. One thing is for sure. Nothing makes the bad thing go away. It is done.

Regardless, we have all sinned, Alex. We have all done wrong to our fellow man or woman. Strangely the better among us feel worse about it, the worse among us sleep just fine. It’s a lot harder when you actually want to be a good person. Doesn’t seem quit fair, does it?

I sometime recall, for reasons I can’t comprehend, sins even from my earliest childhood and I feel just as bad about them now, if not worse, as if they had just happened again. they just pop into my head now and then, not to mention what I have done in the last week, month, year, or decade. I sometimes ask myself if these people recall these things as well after all of this time, or is this some hell that I am only going through all by myself after everyone else has moved on.

So I can have these sins I have done, but then with the recalling of them, it is as if I am doing them over and over again endlessly and feeling the pain of the guilt all of those many extra times as well. So, in that sense, I can do the crime once and pay for it a thousand times . . . or ten thousand times. That, Alex, certainly is not justice. And yes, I had to find a way to release myself from the weight of past sins, as we all must, or be crushed by them.

There is making amends:

Is there anything you can do, beyond self-punishment to make what you have done right, or at least less wrong? Can you tell someone you are sorry? can you bake someone a cake? can you send someone flowers? can you write someone a check? If you can make an effort, then great. Sometimes there just isn’t anything you can do toward the offended party. If they don’t want anything to do with you, and don’t want you contacting them, or somehow or another they are just gone, well then, you are released from making that kind of overture. I also want to mention, I just don’t think I would make too many confessions about guilt if it were a matter of the law or potential legal action. Depending on what you had done and how you feel about it, but I would think long and hard about “turning myself in” if it came to that. But that’s just me.

I have found that often, I must even remind myself that I did do my best to make amends in one instance or another, and so give myself permission, again, to move on from that one. I can even agonize over something that I was forgiven for. How pointless can you get?

the serenity prayer:

I don’t pray myself, but for the sake of sanity it is one of the best concepts I have ever heard. the idea is to change what you can, accept what you can’t and know the difference. This prayer, or point of view, comes back to my mind all the time about many things. for any chance at peace of mind or joy – mental health -- it is really a great, great thing. It seems so many people who are aware of it, don’t keep it in mind, to their own harm.


jedi mind trick a friend of mine called it that.


I have seen different versions of it – called thought blocking. this is just my own little version of it. You are having intrusive thoughts; many of us do. one second it is not there, the next second it is, and, of course, it feels terrible, starts dragging you down and you don’t know what to do about it. this is what I do in those moments:

first I recognize it; I take notice of it’s presence. I say “There” . . . . . . that is me acknowledging it. the quicker I can do that the less time it has to really start hurting me emotionally or tensing me up.

then I say, “Let that go” . . . . I am commanding my mind not to focus on the thought; to make it dissipate like a mist. It is strangely effective, though once I come under attack from my own thoughts, I could have to stay at it for a while.

then I say, “Just relax” . . . . to myself. It is like I am telling myself to go to default mode: a calm state. It might not have been my default mode in the past, but I can be reprogramming myself for it to be my new default mode, a direction that is very, very beneficial – to just relax.

there, let that go, and just relax

there, let that go, and just relax

it’s the closest thing to a mental miracle I know of.


Staying in the present:

I have found that one of the best ways to keep my head above water, so to speak, emotionally and mentally, is to repeat this little special-purpose mantra . . . slogan, whatever you want to call it. when my mind goes to some past sin, and it will, I say to myself,

“that was there and then, this is here and now”

and I will repeat that as needed. It brings me back to the present, and takes me away from rehashing some past sin – endlessly. I find it lifts my spirits immediately, to much joy and relief. It is almost as if I once again give the sunlight my permission to shine through my window.

Meditation

and I always do a program of mental exercise that I am committed to to keep me sane over the years for whatever threatens my mental wellbeing. I meditate. there are endless ways to do that, but I keep it basic. It’s about mindfulness. stepping back and thinking about what we are thinking about. Being your own watcher. observing our thought processes and making choices about which thoughts we will entertain and which thoughts we will dismiss. this takes a lot of present moment awareness, and it takes practice, but those prices paid are certainly worth it, compared to the price of unchecked, unremitting . . . guilt, for instance. It works for all other negative emotions and unwelcome obsessive thoughts equally as well.


Alex,

I wish you the very best and if I can do anything else for you feel free to let me know.


P.S. I am thinking that someone else may benefit from what I have written here as well, and with your permission, I would like to add it to your post so more people can see it, ok?
thank you for your time
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Old 04-20-2015, 01:10 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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How are you today
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Old 04-22-2015, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
How are you today
hey there, I'm feeling really really good. Haven't had a drink since that night and it's been 11 days, can't believe I've gone this far.

I'm also doing much better, I feel like I owe it to everyone here for all your kind and encouraging words.
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Old 04-22-2015, 09:09 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by alexddy View Post
hey there, I'm feeling really really good. Haven't had a drink since that night and it's been 11 days, can't believe I've gone this far. I'm also doing much better, I feel like I owe it to everyone here for all your kind and encouraging words.
Congratulations on the 11 days alexddy, it only gets better.
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Old 04-22-2015, 02:51 PM
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way to go Alex

D
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Old 04-22-2015, 03:08 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Awesome news Alex fantastic work bud
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Old 04-22-2015, 03:43 PM
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Just my thoughts regarding blackouts.
Didn't start getting them until I was in my middle fifties.
Oh yes, things got really out of control.
Ended up in trouble with everyone around me.
Realized it was time to stop drinking or only the Lord knows what would happen.

Sobriety has been working good for 7 years.

Many of my friends have also done terrible things while in blackouts.

A couple of them I write to in prison.
At least a couple of others died.

Serious things for the minds eye to ponder.

Mountainmanbob
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Old 04-22-2015, 03:47 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I haven't hated myself since I quit drinking.

I used to hate myself a lot when I was drinking.

This feels a LOT better.
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Old 04-22-2015, 07:40 PM
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I used to hate myself too. A lot! I stopped hating myself when I stopped drinking too

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Old 04-22-2015, 08:29 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by alexddy View Post
hey there, I'm feeling really really good. Haven't had a drink since that night and it's been 11 days, can't believe I've gone this far.

I'm also doing much better, I feel like I owe it to everyone here for all your kind and encouraging words.
The only person you owe is yourself. Keep up the hard work.

PS --> I love this site too. It's my main source of encouragement, support, and accountability.
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Old 04-22-2015, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
Just my thoughts regarding blackouts.
Didn't start getting them until I was in my middle fifties.
Oh yes, things got really out of control.
Ended up in trouble with everyone around me.
Realized it was time to stop drinking or only the Lord knows what would happen.

Sobriety has been working good for 7 years.

Many of my friends have also done terrible things while in blackouts.

A couple of them I write to in prison.
At least a couple of others died.

Serious things for the minds eye to ponder.

Mountainmanbob
Blackouts are no good. One blackout can really ruin an otherwise good person's life.
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Old 04-23-2015, 12:58 AM
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Originally Posted by alexddy View Post
Where do I start? I'm 24 this year, with family history of alcoholic.

I do not drink everyday, usually once or twice a week. But most if the time when I drink I do always get too drunk and blackout not remembering what happened the night before. Not remembering what I did the night before that my friend usually have to filled me in what happened the night before. And always feeling like crap the next morning. Tried to go cold turkey 2 years back but after a few months I thought I could handle my drinks better so I continie drinking but again I keep experiencing blackouts.

I have been having blackouts even more recently. I slept with a guy that I only got to know for a week and we had unprotected sex. I only remembered part and pieces of that night and I'm fairly sure that I threw myself to him. He did not contact me at all and was always avoiding contacts with me after that night and I was hurt. Fast forward a month later, I got drunk and threw myself on him again.

I went for drinks with friends over this weekend and again I had a blackout episode. This time I hooked up with a friend in a stairway of some office blocks in the wee hours. We weren't having sex but we got to third base and only the next day I realized that there security cameras around. Right now I'm really paranoid that CCTV footage from that night will be leaked to the Internet. I live in a country where cyber law is very lenient. I'm afraid that people might recognize that it is me from the video.

I feel so ashamed of what I've done and what I've become. I've been feeling so depressed. I just hate myself.
Hi alexddy,

welcome to SR I really can relate to you as i am 24 this year also and my drinking started like that mostly binging on the weekends and waking up not knowing what ive done or where i am. And the amount of embarrassing cringe moments i have had are ridiculous. But as time went on my drinking got progressively worse and i was drinking every evening which can never lead to anything good and lets just say i slept with guys i wouldn't even contemplate doing so sober.

so if you pull back now and carry on your journey i am happy you have realise this early enough so you can pull back and have less moments that make you feel those horrible cringe hating moments. You must remember that is the drunk you and there is a sober you there completely different. We all have regrets and feel guilt but i believe everything happens for a reason you have to take the good with the bad but embrace them emotions because they will become a distant memory. I know its horrible at the time but it helps you realise how much you would never want to repeat it again.

oh and also remember beer goggles are not your friend haha ! Honestly i always think worst think of the worst possible scenario and say to myself BRING IT ON ill sort it then and not worry about it now what's the worst that cam happen. What your feeling is anxiety and guilt and also remember alcohol is a depressive my lovely it will get easier

MJ x.x
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