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5 months today/feeling down

Old 04-13-2015, 11:51 PM
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levonhelmrules
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5 months today/feeling down

Hello all,

I've made it to the 5 month mark. About a month ago just as I was starting to feel fairly normal......the PAWS symptoms were much less severe, and my anxiety and doom were really doing much better at the 4 month mark, just like people on here commented they would, I was doing some Jiu Jitsu and hurt my back.

After a few days of really bad pain my left foot didn't work normally. I couldn't lift it. I dealt with it for about a week, and mentioned it to my cousin who is an ER doctor. Me sent me in for an MRI immediately, and I was put quickly into surgery on my L5/S1 because my disc was severely damaged, leaked, and compressed my nerve. I had to have surgery quickly before the nerve damage became permanent.

I'm 5 weeks out of surgery and my foot shows zero improvement from the nerve damage. It's brought back my anxiety because I'm now paranoid my foot will be never return to normal. I was told I can't do Jiu Jitsu anymore, which I did professionally and taught for 20 years. I feel like I'm loosing my identity, and my body is failing me. It happened to be timed just perfectly when I was feeling and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with the symptoms and struggles from fighting to be sober and normal. I was getting into shape to compete again. Now I'm wondering if I'll be able lift my foot to shift my motorcycles again. I'm trying to stay positive but it's been rough. I could use some encouragement.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:11 AM
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Hi, MuddyWaters.

First, big congrats on 5 months sober - that's an achievement to be absolutely proud of!

I am sorry about your nerve damage and related health issues - it's really tough to go through. I think anyone, doesn't matter of previous issues with alcohol, would be upset under such circumstances. But you are staying sober, and that is great.

I can so relate about feeling like losing identity when body fails in one or another way. I have my share of health issues, some of them were quite hard to come to terms with.

Try the same approach as dealing with addiction - one day at a time. Looking too far ahead brings lots of worries, but with every new day something new unfolds, and new road is building up little by little, replacing the one that is closed now.

Maybe, sounds like a cliche, but proves to be good dealing with freaking anxiety.

Focus on your health now. Jiu Jitsu has been a big part of your life for quite a long time, but still it's not you. It's one of expressions of you, and now you may find a different way to express yourself. It's still you. Doesn't matter what's happening - nothing will deprive your of yourself.

Hope all this makes some sense.

Get well soon!

And best wishes to you.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:13 AM
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Well, we can't give medical advice but in my experience doctors can be a "wet blanket". I know lots of folks who were told you'll never be able to do this or that again, but if you mend up okay and do your PT you'll likely be able to do most stuff you did before. You still have the knowledge you did before your injury, so I would think teaching is still something you can do.

Obviously you need to take care of yourself but the same tenacity and dedication required to excel in JJ will serve you well in recovery (both kinds).

I would just assume I was gonna be better than ever until proven otherwise! But no matter what, it sounds like you have a reservoir of internal strength/toughness, and you will be okay even if your body is slow to cooperate.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:16 AM
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Hi muddy


It's my experience that those kinds of injuries do take a while to heal - but if you're concerned the very best thing to do is go back to your Dr...perhaps in this case get a second opinion cos the first one sounds bogus to me

D
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:32 AM
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levonhelmrules
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Thank you so much Midnight Blue. That post really resonated and you sorted of touched on an outlook I needed to hear. I appreciate it.

Dee, the Neurosurgeon who performed the surgery has known me for 15 years. If your saying it's bogus because he said I can't do Jiu Jitsu anymore it's just because he knows me personally, and knows that I would continue to train at the highest level, which means heavy top notch competition, which would likely re injure me. Teaching would be easily doable, but I couldn't just teach and not train. I can't do it half in, and he's aware of that.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:34 AM
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Very true Myth. Your right. Thank you for your response.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:47 AM
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OK Muddy. Thanks for the explanation. I'm sorry if that turns out to be the case.

D
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Old 04-14-2015, 04:08 AM
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Sorry about the nerve damage MuddyWaters

Congrats on 5 months bud
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Old 04-14-2015, 04:57 AM
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Hi muddywaters -

Nerves take a while to heal - in my experience nerve damage is a "1 day at a time" thing, and you won't know for sure for sometime what the future may hold, so there isn't a lot of benefit in worrying about what may happen down the road.

I do think doctors try to mentally prepare patients for the worst tho, not so that it causes panic, but so that we really take care of ourselves and do the PT. You have to do the work to recover!

Please keep us posting on how you're doing.
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Old 04-14-2015, 05:17 AM
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Congrats on hitting the 5 month mark..I just hit 5 months yesterday...

And trust me , your nerve issue should clear up , but depending on severity , it can take upwards of 6 months to heal...I ride motorcycles too , and the healing curve gets longer the older we get...When I was 20 , I'd be back in 3 weeks , if not 3 days from any injury ..

Now the same 3 weeks , turn into 3 month recovery times ..

Just be patient (not A Patient) , and be good good to yourself...You'll bounce back ..
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Old 04-14-2015, 10:52 AM
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levonhelmrules
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Thanks a ton for the encouragement and responses. I will try and change my attitude for the better.

It's just been a tough ride so far.
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Old 04-14-2015, 11:17 AM
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If you ever want to talk you can pm MW
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Old 04-14-2015, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by muddywaters View Post
Hello all,

I've made it to the 5 month mark. About a month ago just as I was starting to feel fairly normal......the PAWS symptoms were much less severe, and my anxiety and doom were really doing much better at the 4 month mark, just like people on here commented they would, I was doing some Jiu Jitsu and hurt my back.

After a few days of really bad pain my left foot didn't work normally. I couldn't lift it. I dealt with it for about a week, and mentioned it to my cousin who is an ER doctor. Me sent me in for an MRI immediately, and I was put quickly into surgery on my L5/S1 because my disc was severely damaged, leaked, and compressed my nerve. I had to have surgery quickly before the nerve damage became permanent.

I'm 5 weeks out of surgery and my foot shows zero improvement from the nerve damage. It's brought back my anxiety because I'm now paranoid my foot will be never return to normal. I was told I can't do Jiu Jitsu anymore, which I did professionally and taught for 20 years. I feel like I'm loosing my identity, and my body is failing me. It happened to be timed just perfectly when I was feeling and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with the symptoms and struggles from fighting to be sober and normal. I was getting into shape to compete again. Now I'm wondering if I'll be able lift my foot to shift my motorcycles again. I'm trying to stay positive but it's been rough. I could use some encouragement.
So sorry to hear this, but well done on 5 months!
I know you will probably think I am talking rubbish, but everything happens for a reason. You will find the courage to continue and remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My dad defied all odds last year and it's not over yet! You can show them, I know you can, just stay strong!
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Old 04-17-2015, 12:44 PM
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levonhelmrules
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Thanks Buggirl. I've had a better few days. You are right.

Thanks SW I will probably take you up on that. I really appreciate it.
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Old 04-17-2015, 01:21 PM
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Anytime friend
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