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Day One and Full of Regret

Old 04-13-2015, 05:41 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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One of the first things I did, when I was in the exact same situation you are, was to write down all of the horrifying things that had happened to me, and that I had done, thanks to alcohol. If my addictive voice ever tries to convince me it might be OK now to have "one or two", all I have to do is read that list to see what TRULY awaits me if I take that first sip, and it will only get worse.

You don't ever have to experience any of that ever again!
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Old 04-13-2015, 05:45 PM
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That is a really, really good idea. I am going to do that... Thank you.
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Old 04-13-2015, 05:54 PM
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Hi Rose, sorry you were feeling low. I hope things are looking up today.

I was a daily drinker but I think many of the tips still apply. There is a thread on here on things to do if you have urges to drink. They generally pass pretty quickly, you just have to get through it. Distracting yourself is one of them. Also if you drink in social situations, practice now what you will say if offered a drink. And I needed to avoid people, places and things I associated with drinking. Those may be different for different people. Hearing a certain song. A change in season, etc.

You can do it. Glad you're here.
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Old 04-13-2015, 06:35 PM
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Thanks, Ruby. I was thinking a lot today about things I could do when the urge arises. It's good to know there are some tips for that... I am sure it's something I will deal with many times in the future. I appreciate the note.
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Old 04-13-2015, 08:07 PM
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Rose, I am a binge drinker. You have an advantage and that is that you don't drink every night. for me, it was once maybe twice a week, but I would get hammered. I would do very stupid things. It doesn't sound like you drink that much. If you think about how much time in a given month, you spend drunk, it probably less than about 3% of your time awake. The bright side is that if you do decide to quit drinking altogether, you are only talking about changing your behavior for a very little proportion of your time. Just one positive thought.

The best thing that I have experienced in stopping drinking (almost 90 days now) is that I don't get the anxiety I used to after drinking. That anxiety can be paralyzing. Sounds like you are experiencing that. Although there are times I would like to drink, the sweats, the shits, the anxiety, the depression, the lying, the lack of productivity, the moodiness - I don't want any of that back and I keep in mind how much better my life is without booze.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.
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Old 04-13-2015, 10:17 PM
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I can relate to the amped up feeling. Alcohol really felt more like a stimulant to me. My energy and alertness increased after a few drinks. I also became very engaged in what was doing in a weird, drunk way. Painting an entire room (taping and all) was so easy when drunk.

However, my tolerance became nearly bottomless. Often I felt barely buzzed sober after ten drinks. God, I was one sick puppy. The amped up feeling led to blackouts and fits of rage and sobbing. Never again.

Btw: I know darn well I was not actually more alert but it sure felt like it! I think it just calmed my central nervous system, like putting the car into cruise control.
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Old 04-13-2015, 11:15 PM
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Rose in the link i posted on the first page there is 2 exellent links on cravings & urges
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Old 04-14-2015, 08:58 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers View Post
I can relate to the amped up feeling. Alcohol really felt more like a stimulant to me. My energy and alertness increased after a few drinks. I also became very engaged in what was doing in a weird, drunk way. Painting an entire room (taping and all) was so easy when drunk.

However, my tolerance became nearly bottomless. Often I felt barely buzzed sober after ten drinks. God, I was one sick puppy. The amped up feeling led to blackouts and fits of rage and sobbing. Never again.

Btw: I know darn well I was not actually more alert but it sure felt like it! I think it just calmed my central nervous system, like putting the car into cruise control.
I don't really understand why alcohol acts as a stimulant for folks like us. What is the chemistry that makes my body go into over drive while others simply go to sleep? The blackouts, fits of rage and sobbing are something I can totally relate to... and such a departure from who I am when not drinking. I act like a wounded beast when I am drunk.

I am fully over it. Another member posted a note mentioning that the time I have spent being a belligerent drunk is, likely, such a small portion of my time that it really only represents about 3% of my life. Which is totally true. It's a seriously dark 3% of my life that I fully intend on cutting out of my reality.
This kind of behavior not only affects living on not only profound levels but right down to the most basic and annoying detail. Like, now I am not only grappling with residual issues of shame/sorrow/questionable self worth but I also can't do the most basic task like go for a run because I physically feel like crap.

It gets better. I know that there's an upswing coming. And, of course, that's when the real struggle begins... when I am moving farther and farther away from feeling the bad and start to think "oh, yeah, I can definitely have one drink and be just fine." The coping resources I was cited to (thanks for that, soberwolf) were really helpful. I especially liked the concept that cravings are a wave you can ride until they fade out...

I really appreciate those who have read through me venting and offered encouragement, empathy and advice. You've all been here and you know it means the world.
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Old 04-14-2015, 11:48 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Rose760 View Post
Well, I publicly embarrassed myself, again, this weekend. In a variety of places and to many witnesses. Awesome. I feel like death and, emotionally, I am barely holding it together.
For the past few months I have been dancing around the idea that maybe I just need to quit drinking all together and I have finally concluded that, indeed, alcohol and I will never be friends. I am not living the life that I want to live so long as I have one day like this one.
I don't drink every day. I don't even drink every week. But when I do drink, I really go for it. It seems to make some people pass out but, for me, I get almost amped up and basically just lose it. It's really weird, it's very destructive and I hate it.
If anyone has some suggestions/coping tools for me, or even just words of encouragement I would be obliged.
A familiar story! My advice is to take one day at a time and do it for you! Loads of advice here and fully recommend AA!
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