Blogs


Notices

Calmness isn't boredom!!!

Old 04-13-2015, 11:04 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Calmness isn't boredom!!!

Hello all:

I was reading another thread and I read something JaneLane wrote along the lines of associating calmness with boredom.

Many times I read that people are "bored" in early sobriety... Can this be that some confuse that feeling of calmness with being bored. Do we have to give ourselves time to get used to it being calm?

When I was younger I used to hear "if you are bored it is because you are boring". I don't know if that is why I never use that to describe how I feel but I read it here often so I wanted to post about it. Let newcomers know that sometimes it isn't boredome, it's calmness.

Don't let the AV trick you into confusing the two!
Nowsthetime is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Nowsthetime For This Useful Post:
Greggo1959 (04-13-2015), SDH73 (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:08 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
ZaBoozer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Hello all: I was reading another thread and I read something JaneLane wrote along the lines of associating calmness with boredom. Many times I read that people are "bored" in early sobriety... Can this be that some confuse that feeling of calmness with being bored. Do we have to give ourselves time to get used to it being calm? When I was younger I used to hear "if you are bored it is because you are boring". I don't know if that is why I never use that to describe how I feel but I read it here often so I wanted to post about it. Let newcomers know that sometimes it isn't boredome, it's calmness. Don't let the AV trick you into confusing the two!
I think you have a valid point. When one is calm, one is at peace with oneself. Easy for the AV to misconstrue that as boredom.
ZaBoozer is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to ZaBoozer For This Useful Post:
Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:10 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
SDH73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,001
Blog Entries: 1
Ha ha! Yeah, I'd heard that one, too, in slightly different wording "only boring people get bored."

I may describe my day or week or any period of time as "boring", but by that I mean that nothing really noteworthy took place. I, personally, don't get bored.

OT: Sometimes when someone is talking to me I like to fake a yawn and say "you bore me" in a fake british accent. I can be a jerk! lol!
SDH73 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to SDH73 For This Useful Post:
Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:16 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Feed your head
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,035
Blog Entries: 4
Thank you Nows
Soberwolf is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:21 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Blog Entries: 3
I think it takes time, for me at least. Going from being entirely preoccupied with the drink (or whatever substance) to having space is a bit of an adjustment, like when I realised how much free time I have when I'm sober.
JaneLane is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to JaneLane For This Useful Post:
CharlesG (04-13-2015), Greggo1959 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:28 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,965
Blog Entries: 22
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Can this be that some confuse that feeling of calmness with being bored.
In my opinion, no. I think what people call "boredom" is the restlessness and low-level anxiety associated with withdrawal and early recovery.

Or it's the only word they can use to describe that vague sense of discontent that only a drink will relieve.

But calmness? No. We know calm when we are experiencing it...no matter how long it's been.
doggonecarl is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-13-2015), least (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015), RunnerBean (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:29 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
kinzoku's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
I agree, but I'd like to add something. For me drinking took up such a huge part of my life, such huge chunks of time, that I think boredom is a reality without drinking. There are now large chunks of time that are free. If I do nothing with them, I will be bored. So I must fill them. This requires effort and is not easy.
kinzoku is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kinzoku For This Useful Post:
Greggo1959 (04-13-2015), HeartsAfire (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015), RunnerBean (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 11:46 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
~Lia~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 80
The drama that comes with drinking seems exciting. The happy times are so happy. The fights are life shattering. And the tears, more tears, drama. The depression and self pity. Then the shame and sorrow. Then repeat.

So much drama, it's crazy. Learning to live life with peace and calm. It's different but once you embrace it, wow. To just be free. To be happy.

Less drama can feel boring. It's all how you look at it I suppose
~Lia~ is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ~Lia~ For This Useful Post:
CharlesG (04-13-2015), Della1968 (04-13-2015), Greggo1959 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 01:07 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
30 Days & Under Club
 
SoberRunner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Blog Entries: 7
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Many times I read that people are "bored" in early sobriety... Can this be that some confuse that feeling of calmness with being bored. Do we have to give ourselves time to get used to it being calm?
Personally, I don't think so. I'm a newcomer who's mentioned being bored and I know the difference between "calmness" and "boredom". That being said, I'm an adrenaline junkie so take my post with a grain of salt.

If I'm not doing something fast-paced or playing a highly competitive sport (read: I do not like/enjoy "playing for fun"), I'm usually bored. And, maybe "bored" is the wrong word? Perhaps I should call it "not very exciting"? I'm a pretty active person but even if I'm on a casual run, I find myself thinking, "Eh, this is kind of boring!" Lol. That said, it's a bit subjective because a few things others may consider boring--like science lectures--is pretty interesting to me.
SoberRunner is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SoberRunner For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 01:15 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Para's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
I'm glad for this post, and the other thread that talked about it. It shed some light for me. The excitement, drama, craziness of drinking kept my mind busy. Pre-occupied..even if it was with negative stuff.
Now i feel a bit in the doldrums. Not in a terrible bored way...but i'm getting used to having my headspace free of feeling guilty or master planning my next drink or what lie i'm going to tell.
Now what do we do with this?
Filling the mind with positive stuff. Meditation. Reading. Chatting with a friend. Yoga. Exercise. Etc.
Para is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Para For This Useful Post:
newpage119 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 01:20 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I welcome calmness in my life. Not to be confused with boredom.
thomas11 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
newpage119 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 01:39 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberCAH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by SoberRunner View Post
Personally, I don't think so. I'm a newcomer who's mentioned being bored and I know the difference between "calmness" and "boredom". That being said, I'm an adrenaline junkie so take my post with a grain of salt.

If I'm not doing something fast-paced or playing a highly competitive sport (read: I do not like/enjoy "playing for fun"), I'm usually bored. And, maybe "bored" is the wrong word? Perhaps I should call it "not very exciting"? I'm a pretty active person but even if I'm on a casual run, I find myself thinking, "Eh, this is kind of boring!" Lol. That said, it's a bit subjective because a few things others may consider boring--like science lectures--is pretty interesting to me.
Glad you are here, Soberrunner.

I am a sober runner, too.

Which is good, because I used to be a drunk runner.

When I drank, I needed to sacrifice a virgin (just kidding, of course), engage in some risky behavior or burn a village just to have a little of what I perceived as fun.

Now, exercise and reading are just fine by me, although my wife sees to it that we have a pretty active social agenda.
SoberCAH is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to SoberCAH For This Useful Post:
Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 03:55 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
newpage119's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
I think there IS a period of "boredom" or "flat-lining" in early sobriety. It has to do with the brain healing. Nothing is exciting, life is kinda blah.
Not everyone gets it, but it is quite common. It passes.....

The good calm comes later........
newpage119 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to newpage119 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-13-2015), MelindaFlowers (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 05:09 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
MelindaFlowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I always envied everyone else's "boring time." They always looked perfectly content sitting on the couch, browsing in a store, baking cookies, quietly cleaning the house, calmly reading a book, walking their dog, SOBER!

You can tell when someone is comfortable in their own skin. It's the vast majority of people. Alcoholics are never content to just "be." I always felt on the edge of insanity while doing or trying to do the activities listed above because I was either (a) hungover, (b) planning my drinking that night (what time to start, what store to rotate to this day, how much to buy) or (c) trying to get intoxicated and knowing the damage I was doing. I could never just "be."

It took awhile but now I'm relearning to just breathe and live life like a regular person.

I find it I find it very ironic that we drank heavily to always try to relax and feel good but in reality we were doing the opposite. When I was drinking every night I felt absolutely dreadful every minute of every day.

I remember waking up at a friend's house a few years back massively hungover. She didn't even drink the night before. We had watched a movie. She went to bed around midnight and I stayed up until 3 am drinking alone on her porch. I remember specifically looking at her as she sat on the couch the next morning quietly tapping and swiping on her iPad and thinking "oh my god. She's not hungover. Not even a little bit. Here she is on this Saturday morning and she is not hungover. I wonder what that's like?" I still think back to that moment on hangover-free Saturday mornings with my iPad.
MelindaFlowers is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MelindaFlowers For This Useful Post:
Charlie117926 (04-13-2015), newpage119 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-13-2015)
Old 04-13-2015, 05:32 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Johnson City, TN
Posts: 66
Someone on here has one of my all-time favorite quotes in their signature. I'm using the iPhone app right now and it doesn't show the sigs so I can't figure out who it is, but the quote, which I LOVE and remind myself of every day is:

WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM,
I NOW CALL SERENITY.
skeletoncrue is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to skeletoncrue For This Useful Post:
MelindaFlowers (04-13-2015), newpage119 (04-13-2015), Nowsthetime (04-14-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:42 AM.