2muchpain

Today I went to an AA meeting. This lady shared that she just got her 3rd DUI, and was in need of finding a place to stay among other things. I thought of a few places she might want to check out. Once again, another lady comes up and pretty much kicks me to the curb and starts talking to this lady. I thought of just walking away, so I just stood there as she kept looking at me. She eventually left, and I gave this lady the info I had and left.

Well, I totally understand why women have to watch out for each other, but I've been going to this meeting for at least 3 years now, so I'm pretty much a fixture there. Never caused any problems there, always polite to people, so I was comfortable enough to approach this lady.

I mean the women that came up to us could of at least let me say what I wanted to say, before definetly assuming I was coming on to this person.

This behavior is just wrong. For women to just assume that EVERY man is just lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting person
is just nuts.

I've been taken advantage of women in the past but don't assume every women is like that. John

ScottFromWI

Serenity John. We can't control others actions, nor can we interpret them. You shared your info with the woman you wanted to share it with, consider that your good deed for the day and move on.

Carlotta

Hi John

I am sorry that that lady upset you but look on the flip side: it shows that your home group (line mine) has a zero tolerance for 13 stepping and that they stick with the men with the men and the women with the women when it comes to newcomers.
She could have expressed herself differently but let's face it, not everyone has good bedside manners (starting with me LOL).
I hope you will not let it turn into a resentment.

Ps: it was kind of you to reach out to the newcomer and give her info.

Soberwolf

I agree with Scott serenity my friend

Nonsensical

Sometimes I take things personally that I shouldn't. It usually turns out to be a waste of my time to do so. Seems like neither of these women knew you, so it probably wasn't personal.

Well done on helping the newomer.

tomsteve

I have a line from the bb I'm thinking of:
We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.

This would be a good time to look at yourself,learn, and grow. Find out exactly why it bothered you.
THEN give it to God.

Good on ya for reaching out.

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations on wanting to help.

Life in the program and out can be stressful even with the best intentions. Lets face it there are 13th step operators around and perhaps this woman was being over protective because she didn’t know about the circumstances, who knows?

All we can do is all we can do. Don’t drink and go to meetings without a resentment.

BE WELL

2muchpain

Like I said before, I understand why this happened. But it's just a shame that if I can help someone, I or anybody else has to think twice or more before offering that help. But like the Serenity Prayer says, "accept the things you cannot change". John

Saliena

I am grateful that you offered her your help. I usually see the brothers in the program are trying to help and not take advantage. When I do see it (such as when one came on to me when I clearly have a wedding ring on) I will usually call the person out in the way. Sometimes in the easy way and some more firm. Depends on what is needed. But, 98% of the time I have never felt anything but cherished as a sober sister and nothing more.

Thanks for sharing.

ArtFriend

I must be missing something... you went to the first woman to offer ideas of where she could stay somewhere and another woman interrupted you and began talking to the first woman. And then she left and you finished your conversation.

So, where does the coming on to the first woman come into play?

I am confoosed

Buggirl

Don't take it to heart, we can be odd at times! Lol

StayStrong33

I've been in meetings where I was in the middle of speaking with a man and another man of my home group interrupted and took over. I completely understood and backed off. If there's important info that I just must share I'll give it to a man who knows me and let him handle it. No problem.

Her intercepting the conversation could have been to keep the newcomer from getting distracted by you and not necessarily to keep you from pursuing her. I say don't take it too personally. Besides it frees up your time to help a male newcomer when you don't have to worry about half the people there.

2muchpain

Good question. I was already talking to the person that needed help, when the other women got between us and began talking to her, all the time looking over at me. It couldn't of been more obvious. This has happened to me before. It's always the same scenario. It could of been worse. One time, years ago, I was talking to a women about something, and not one, but three women got in the middle and interrupted me. One actually bumped me out of the way.
I'm sure other men on this forum have gone through this, and know what I'm talking about. John

2muchpain

In the end, it's all good. The next time a women shares a painful story and there might be something I can do to help, I'll just pray for her and walk away. Problem solved. John

ArtFriend

Are all the women in your area rude? I don't get that at all... sorry you have been treated that way, but not ALL women are like that.

Dee74

I think that would be the wrong lesson to come away with

People are people John...none of us are perfect and none of us can help what someone else thinks or does.

I'm not sure why the woman interrupted - it may have been 'stranger danger'...but she may also be a little socially clueless like most of us.

Even if this woman did think disparagingly of you, you know your intent was good.

D

2muchpain

Your absolutely right. I know not all women are the same. I know that in my head, but unfortunately, emotionally it's a different issue. And I do tend to generalize pain. I tend to go into survival mode when hurt and keep people at a distance. The IOP program I was in last summer helped a lot with this, but I guess I still have a way to go, especially when it comes to women (no offense intended). John

2muchpain

And not all men are predators. It goes both ways. John

ArtFriend

Absolutely! Question - why do you think that all these women view you as a predator? Could that really be possible? Or maybe (just a guess) you might just THINK that is how they view you? More about the way you feel versus fact.

Wastinglife

I have begun attending AA at least once a week but don't do the steps/sponsor stuff, at least yet. Is it an unwritten rule for men to keep their distance from new female attendees?