1 month Sober - But I may lose my wife
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Huntington Beach
Posts: 26
1 month Sober - But I may lose my wife
Hi,
I have been trying to quit on and of for years. I am co-dependent with my wife and we drink between 8 to 15 shots of Vodka per day.
It was not always that bad until we stated drinking in the morning to feel "normal". Then it got so bad that my wife got so sick that she couldn't run our business and I could hardly function at my job.
To Make a long story short, we go t tired of it and went to the Doctor and got Librium.
I have been sober a little over month and will never drink again.
My Wife however lasted 1.5 weeks and slowly built back up to 8 to 15 sots.
The worst is when she has 4 in the morning, sleeps then has 6 to 8 at night.
When that happens she becomes violent.
Last week she held scissors to her throat and threatened suicide.
Last night she threatened suicide and cut her wrists. It wasn't deep enough but I still feared that the next time she would do it for real. I called her family and told them about the Alcoholism (she thought they didn't know but they had known for years). They said "call the police" (which I wanted to so anyways).
I called the police and they took her away for a 5150 Psych evaluation.
Now she says she is leaving me (flying home to the parents that told me to call the police) and wants a divorce.
I am not sure if I did the right thing. She just wanted attention and now my marriage is over. Then again, maybe one of these times she would actually kill herself? If that is the case then I would rather be alone with her still alive.
Is here a better way I could have handled this?
Brian
I have been trying to quit on and of for years. I am co-dependent with my wife and we drink between 8 to 15 shots of Vodka per day.
It was not always that bad until we stated drinking in the morning to feel "normal". Then it got so bad that my wife got so sick that she couldn't run our business and I could hardly function at my job.
To Make a long story short, we go t tired of it and went to the Doctor and got Librium.
I have been sober a little over month and will never drink again.
My Wife however lasted 1.5 weeks and slowly built back up to 8 to 15 sots.
The worst is when she has 4 in the morning, sleeps then has 6 to 8 at night.
When that happens she becomes violent.
Last week she held scissors to her throat and threatened suicide.
Last night she threatened suicide and cut her wrists. It wasn't deep enough but I still feared that the next time she would do it for real. I called her family and told them about the Alcoholism (she thought they didn't know but they had known for years). They said "call the police" (which I wanted to so anyways).
I called the police and they took her away for a 5150 Psych evaluation.
Now she says she is leaving me (flying home to the parents that told me to call the police) and wants a divorce.
I am not sure if I did the right thing. She just wanted attention and now my marriage is over. Then again, maybe one of these times she would actually kill herself? If that is the case then I would rather be alone with her still alive.
Is here a better way I could have handled this?
Brian
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Brian,
Others will be along soon, but my short answer would be no. I don't think there could have been a better way for you to handle it. I'm so sorry you are in such pain and I'm so glad you called the police to help your wife. You probably saved her life.
Others will be along soon, but my short answer would be no. I don't think there could have been a better way for you to handle it. I'm so sorry you are in such pain and I'm so glad you called the police to help your wife. You probably saved her life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I also think you did the right thing. From what you have written I think it's more than a cry for attention.
Your wife clearly needs help and protection, BL.
I hope, in time, she will see this in a different light.
Congrats on your month. I believe you when you say never again.
D
Your wife clearly needs help and protection, BL.
I hope, in time, she will see this in a different light.
Congrats on your month. I believe you when you say never again.
D
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Wow, that sounds incredibly stressful.
I think you did the right thing. You did something that appears to your wife to be unfair etc, but you were compassionate and may well have saved her life.
You also protected your own sobriety, and that's obviously really important!
I think you did the right thing. You did something that appears to your wife to be unfair etc, but you were compassionate and may well have saved her life.
You also protected your own sobriety, and that's obviously really important!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Yes you did the right thing. Your wife was in an awful place when she did and said those things. She needs help. Hopefully she'll get what she needs and will have her head straight the next time you see her. Congratulations on a month! That's amazing!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Brian -
I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree that you made the right choices to protect her from herself.
An alcoholic's mind will be angry with anything that comes between them and their alcohol - and it sounds reactive rather than a well thought out decision that will stick.
I hope this will be the start of healing for both of you.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree that you made the right choices to protect her from herself.
An alcoholic's mind will be angry with anything that comes between them and their alcohol - and it sounds reactive rather than a well thought out decision that will stick.
I hope this will be the start of healing for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi BeachLiving.
First off, kudos to you for being able to stay sober and work on your recovery in this situation
I agree with the posters above that you could not have acted better. Of course it's sad and you have ambiguous feelings, but please don't let these interfere with the great decisions and actions you have been doing to take care of both yourself and your wife.
Perhaps you can see with time and a bit of separation if she is willing to change her drinking and get better. Maybe you two can re-evaluate then. For now, I would stick with what you are doing. Maybe get some counseling for yourself if you are not already doing so, and keep up the good work!
First off, kudos to you for being able to stay sober and work on your recovery in this situation
I agree with the posters above that you could not have acted better. Of course it's sad and you have ambiguous feelings, but please don't let these interfere with the great decisions and actions you have been doing to take care of both yourself and your wife.Perhaps you can see with time and a bit of separation if she is willing to change her drinking and get better. Maybe you two can re-evaluate then. For now, I would stick with what you are doing. Maybe get some counseling for yourself if you are not already doing so, and keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you did the right thing.
you need to focus on YOUR sobriety. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, it must be heart-wrenching.
but you know from your own experience that nobody can get anyone else sober.
as hard as it will be; right now the very best thing you can do is get well yourself. It will no doubt be a daily struggle of emotional challenge given your circumstances.
Take care of yourself... get yourself all the support you can... let your wife know you love her and hope that you will one day find yourselves together in sober, joyful happiness - but for now you must tend to yourself.
that may feel selfish - but it is actually the most selfless act you can imagine. In time you and others will see that.
you need to focus on YOUR sobriety. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, it must be heart-wrenching.
but you know from your own experience that nobody can get anyone else sober.
as hard as it will be; right now the very best thing you can do is get well yourself. It will no doubt be a daily struggle of emotional challenge given your circumstances.
Take care of yourself... get yourself all the support you can... let your wife know you love her and hope that you will one day find yourselves together in sober, joyful happiness - but for now you must tend to yourself.
that may feel selfish - but it is actually the most selfless act you can imagine. In time you and others will see that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I learned a long time ago that any threat of suicide is to be taken seriously, drunk or not.
She can get the help she needs now.
It does stink when you are not sure your marriage will last through treatment, but sometimes we have to jump off the proverbial cliff.
She can get the help she needs now.
It does stink when you are not sure your marriage will last through treatment, but sometimes we have to jump off the proverbial cliff.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Hello Brian
I used to binge drink with my mate as well. I quit a year ago, and he didn't. We have been separated a year.
At least your wife acknowledged she has a problem and tried to quit at one point. This puts you far ahead of us as a couple.
There is a saying in the programs about one of the two people getting into a life raft. Otherwise they both drown. Well, I am sure you get the point.
Good luck and best wished to you. Keep coming back!
I used to binge drink with my mate as well. I quit a year ago, and he didn't. We have been separated a year.
At least your wife acknowledged she has a problem and tried to quit at one point. This puts you far ahead of us as a couple.
There is a saying in the programs about one of the two people getting into a life raft. Otherwise they both drown. Well, I am sure you get the point.
Good luck and best wished to you. Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
It sounds like you have lost your wife anyway to drink.
Let her threaten you all she likes.
It sounds like her family won't put up with her drinking either, so fleeing to them might not be a permanent thing.
Why not just let the dust settle a bit and see what happens?
Let her threaten you all she likes.
It sounds like her family won't put up with her drinking either, so fleeing to them might not be a permanent thing.
Why not just let the dust settle a bit and see what happens?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Don't jump to any conclusions about your wife/marriage until she gets some sober time. I was a raging lunatic at times during drunken blackouts and generally a miserable person when I didn't drink. I thought the whole world was against me. I takes me a least a month of sobriety to get back to a positive frame of mind after a period of drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I think you did the right thing too. I quit drinking and so did my husband for a while. He's back at it. It's so incredibly stressful trying to maintain my sobriety with him drinking. Disappearing. He makes the I want to kill myself threats too.
Don't count out your marriage just yet. Work on your sobriety first. Then reassess. Whether you wish to think it or not, you are losing your wife one way or another if she continues on as she's going. I know you are stressed. Take a deep breath, take a step back and work on healing you. Trust me. I have 16 months sober time and I've had a hard time lately keeping focused on staying that way.
You can do this. You did the right thing. One day at a time and don't borrow trouble.
Don't count out your marriage just yet. Work on your sobriety first. Then reassess. Whether you wish to think it or not, you are losing your wife one way or another if she continues on as she's going. I know you are stressed. Take a deep breath, take a step back and work on healing you. Trust me. I have 16 months sober time and I've had a hard time lately keeping focused on staying that way.
You can do this. You did the right thing. One day at a time and don't borrow trouble.
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