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Day 1again and cannot even believe it

Old 04-12-2015, 09:51 AM
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Day 1again and cannot even believe it

Hi everyone- well- I am back. I had over 18 months sober and was so blissfully happy and just like that - I allowed that idiot beast back into my life.

It was a conscious decision. I got divorced- this was a good thing and well, a girlfriend who was also single really wanted to go out. I sat at the bar with her all dressed to the 9s and looked her straight in the face and said "I will drink tonight, but if it gets bad again- please help me." Can you even believe I did this?!?! She is a drunk and was encouraging me to drink!!!! God, I am so disappointed with myself.

It stars out so slow. I only drank maybe once a week and then I met someone and the drunk dating began. I am a fun drunk date. Not saying it is pretty - but a good time girl. God I cannot believe this. I know better!!!!

After three or so months I am back to nightly drinking!!! I was training for a figure contest and now that I have this layer of alcohol fat on me - forget it. I have only worked out once in the last week! Sober I was getting in at least 6 and looked and felt amazing!

I just want to declare that I am back. This is the hardest thing I have ever typed. Please know that this stuff sneaks up on you like nothing I have ever seen. Peace
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:05 AM
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I had to drop a lot of 'friends' who would encourage me to drink that is not a friend

I accept i cant drink safely or responsibly
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:06 AM
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It takes strength to come back! Welcome back!
I have come to the point where i was drinking alone at the end, because no one wanted to drink with me. But there were times I'd seek out other people that drank a lot so I could also drink. I'd go out looking so good, all dressed up, and then look sloppy and a mess by the end of the night. Don't wanna go there again and I know you don't either!
You had 18 months..that's over a year! And that's awesome. You can do another 18 months and more! Use all the tools you can!
Once again, i'm glad you're back on here. Keep updating. It helps you and helps me
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:10 AM
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Welcome back. Glad you had the courage to return.

I guess the lesson here could be that our sobriety is a life long daily exercise that can't be taken for granted regardless of time sober. I know, I drank after 23 years.

You have not lost all that you learned in the 18 months you were sober. Just start back up from where you left off. Reevaluate your program and change it where necessary to avoid similar results in the future.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Bmac View Post
Welcome back. Glad you had the courage to return. I guess the lesson here could be that our sobriety is a life long daily exercise that can't be taken for granted regardless of time sober. I know, I drank after 23 years. You have not lost all that you learned in the 18 months you were sober. Just start back up from where you left off. Reevaluate your program and change it where necessary to avoid similar results in the future.
Thank you Bmac.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Para View Post
It takes strength to come back! Welcome back! I have come to the point where i was drinking alone at the end, because no one wanted to drink with me. But there were times I'd seek out other people that drank a lot so I could also drink. I'd go out looking so good, all dressed up, and then look sloppy and a mess by the end of the night. Don't wanna go there again and I know you don't either! You had 18 months..that's over a year! And that's awesome. You can do another 18 months and more! Use all the tools you can! Once again, i'm glad you're back on here. Keep updating. It helps you and helps me
Thank you Para. This sounds nearly ridiculous at this very moment- but if I can be of any support to you - shout out. (I feel so gross today - I am praying to be able to parent my kids and go to bed) Thank you for your kind words.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:19 AM
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Just to say good luck, can't be easy.. Surely an incentive is to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy.. Think of that contest!
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:31 AM
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Thank you for sharing this! I do really feel for you, but you did 18 months sober - that to me is inspirational! I'm sure you will learn from this as many of us will too. If I can offer anything it will be to just say that those 18 months will never go away - you achieved that and you can achieve it again, and more. Try not to compare this time with the last though otherwise it'll not feel like you're succeeding until you've done another 18 months +. Every day sober is a success!
Best Wishes
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Old 04-12-2015, 11:06 AM
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Welcome back Ashbyee!!
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Old 04-12-2015, 03:08 PM
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Welcome back asbyee

do you have a plan going forward?

D
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Old 04-12-2015, 03:49 PM
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Very good that you came back ashbyee. It's so hard to admit it takes us back to the same place every time. I played with it for many years - and I finally get it that I can't have a sip. When I pick up it leads to danger and the unexpected - not worth it! You can stay on track this time ashbyee - we're here to help.
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Old 04-12-2015, 03:56 PM
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Glad you're back, trying again. Never give up!
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Old 04-12-2015, 04:14 PM
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I have quit several times. I usually can stay sober about three months and then think I can handle it and have a couple beers and before I know it I'm back to drinking every night again and I hate myself for it. I'm going to try again tomorrow and I say tomorrow because I have a lot of things to do to keep be busy. Wish me strength.
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Old 04-12-2015, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by ashbyee View Post
Thank you Para. This sounds nearly ridiculous at this very moment- but if I can be of any support to you - shout out. (I feel so gross today - I am praying to be able to parent my kids and go to bed) Thank you for your kind words.
Just keep posting your experiences, struggles, anything that comes up as you battle this beast of addiction. And I will do the same. We're all here to support each other!
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Old 04-12-2015, 04:52 PM
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Welcome back! You can do this !
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Old 04-12-2015, 06:18 PM
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ashbyee,

I'm sorry you're having to start again, but with that decision made you can move forward. Once you start getting the workouts in you'll gain momentum and feel better in no time. I appreciate you posting because I'm accumulating a little sober time and can learn from your experience. Wishing you the best.
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Old 04-12-2015, 07:08 PM
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Only on day 2 myself... Know the feeling though ... Not my first day 2... Hang in there.. We will all do this with the help of all these lovely members here
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Old 04-12-2015, 08:03 PM
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I'm so glad you're back. Some of our friends don't get that chance.

Keep fighting - you know from the past you can do it!
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Old 04-12-2015, 08:23 PM
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Divorce sounds rough and was probably very difficult. I probably would have drank too. But you can do it! 18 months is great. I can't wait for the day that I can say I made it 18 months. We're here to help you!!
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Old 04-12-2015, 09:19 PM
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You may have to drop that friend. A good friend who really cares about you would never encourage you to drink. I know my friends would beat my butt!
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