Day 1again and cannot even believe it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 64
Day 1again and cannot even believe it
Hi everyone- well- I am back. I had over 18 months sober and was so blissfully happy and just like that - I allowed that idiot beast back into my life.
It was a conscious decision. I got divorced- this was a good thing and well, a girlfriend who was also single really wanted to go out. I sat at the bar with her all dressed to the 9s and looked her straight in the face and said "I will drink tonight, but if it gets bad again- please help me." Can you even believe I did this?!?! She is a drunk and was encouraging me to drink!!!! God, I am so disappointed with myself.
It stars out so slow. I only drank maybe once a week and then I met someone and the drunk dating began. I am a fun drunk date. Not saying it is pretty - but a good time girl. God I cannot believe this. I know better!!!!
After three or so months I am back to nightly drinking!!! I was training for a figure contest and now that I have this layer of alcohol fat on me - forget it. I have only worked out once in the last week! Sober I was getting in at least 6 and looked and felt amazing!
I just want to declare that I am back. This is the hardest thing I have ever typed. Please know that this stuff sneaks up on you like nothing I have ever seen. Peace
It was a conscious decision. I got divorced- this was a good thing and well, a girlfriend who was also single really wanted to go out. I sat at the bar with her all dressed to the 9s and looked her straight in the face and said "I will drink tonight, but if it gets bad again- please help me." Can you even believe I did this?!?! She is a drunk and was encouraging me to drink!!!! God, I am so disappointed with myself.
It stars out so slow. I only drank maybe once a week and then I met someone and the drunk dating began. I am a fun drunk date. Not saying it is pretty - but a good time girl. God I cannot believe this. I know better!!!!
After three or so months I am back to nightly drinking!!! I was training for a figure contest and now that I have this layer of alcohol fat on me - forget it. I have only worked out once in the last week! Sober I was getting in at least 6 and looked and felt amazing!
I just want to declare that I am back. This is the hardest thing I have ever typed. Please know that this stuff sneaks up on you like nothing I have ever seen. Peace
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
It takes strength to come back! Welcome back!
I have come to the point where i was drinking alone at the end, because no one wanted to drink with me. But there were times I'd seek out other people that drank a lot so I could also drink. I'd go out looking so good, all dressed up, and then look sloppy and a mess by the end of the night. Don't wanna go there again and I know you don't either!
You had 18 months..that's over a year! And that's awesome. You can do another 18 months and more! Use all the tools you can!
Once again, i'm glad you're back on here. Keep updating. It helps you and helps me
I have come to the point where i was drinking alone at the end, because no one wanted to drink with me. But there were times I'd seek out other people that drank a lot so I could also drink. I'd go out looking so good, all dressed up, and then look sloppy and a mess by the end of the night. Don't wanna go there again and I know you don't either!
You had 18 months..that's over a year! And that's awesome. You can do another 18 months and more! Use all the tools you can!
Once again, i'm glad you're back on here. Keep updating. It helps you and helps me
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Welcome back. Glad you had the courage to return.
I guess the lesson here could be that our sobriety is a life long daily exercise that can't be taken for granted regardless of time sober. I know, I drank after 23 years.
You have not lost all that you learned in the 18 months you were sober. Just start back up from where you left off. Reevaluate your program and change it where necessary to avoid similar results in the future.
I guess the lesson here could be that our sobriety is a life long daily exercise that can't be taken for granted regardless of time sober. I know, I drank after 23 years.
You have not lost all that you learned in the 18 months you were sober. Just start back up from where you left off. Reevaluate your program and change it where necessary to avoid similar results in the future.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by Bmac 
Welcome back. Glad you had the courage to return. I guess the lesson here could be that our sobriety is a life long daily exercise that can't be taken for granted regardless of time sober. I know, I drank after 23 years. You have not lost all that you learned in the 18 months you were sober. Just start back up from where you left off. Reevaluate your program and change it where necessary to avoid similar results in the future.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by Para
It takes strength to come back! Welcome back! I have come to the point where i was drinking alone at the end, because no one wanted to drink with me. But there were times I'd seek out other people that drank a lot so I could also drink. I'd go out looking so good, all dressed up, and then look sloppy and a mess by the end of the night. Don't wanna go there again and I know you don't either! You had 18 months..that's over a year! And that's awesome. You can do another 18 months and more! Use all the tools you can! Once again, i'm glad you're back on here. Keep updating. It helps you and helps me
Last booze: April 10 2015
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: London
Posts: 98
Thank you for sharing this! I do really feel for you, but you did 18 months sober - that to me is inspirational! I'm sure you will learn from this as many of us will too. If I can offer anything it will be to just say that those 18 months will never go away - you achieved that and you can achieve it again, and more. Try not to compare this time with the last though otherwise it'll not feel like you're succeeding until you've done another 18 months +. Every day sober is a success!
Best Wishes
C
Best Wishes
C
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Very good that you came back ashbyee. It's so hard to admit it takes us back to the same place every time. I played with it for many years - and I finally get it that I can't have a sip. When I pick up it leads to danger and the unexpected - not worth it! You can stay on track this time ashbyee - we're here to help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 3
I have quit several times. I usually can stay sober about three months and then think I can handle it and have a couple beers and before I know it I'm back to drinking every night again and I hate myself for it. I'm going to try again tomorrow and I say tomorrow because I have a lot of things to do to keep be busy. Wish me strength.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by ashbyee
Thank you Para. This sounds nearly ridiculous at this very moment- but if I can be of any support to you - shout out. (I feel so gross today - I am praying to be able to parent my kids and go to bed) Thank you for your kind words.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
ashbyee,
I'm sorry you're having to start again, but with that decision made you can move forward. Once you start getting the workouts in you'll gain momentum and feel better in no time. I appreciate you posting because I'm accumulating a little sober time and can learn from your experience. Wishing you the best.
I'm sorry you're having to start again, but with that decision made you can move forward. Once you start getting the workouts in you'll gain momentum and feel better in no time. I appreciate you posting because I'm accumulating a little sober time and can learn from your experience. Wishing you the best.
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