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Recovery and you significant other?

Old 04-11-2015, 10:20 AM
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Recovery and you significant other?

My wife's brother is an alcoholic, my brother was an alcoholic (RIP), I'm a recovering alcoholic.

Wife and I are in marital counseling (been married for five years) and our counselor was married to an alcoholic and had a alcoholic mother.

So... I presumed we were all experienced in recovery.

In counseling last night my wife asks me "do you talk in the meetings?" and further... do you say "my name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic."

I was somewhat surprised... I purposely chose closed/participation meetings so I would talk in the meetings.

Long story short we have some trust issues in our marriage because like an idiot early on I was still running around getting drunk.

Now, not surprisingly she checks up on me... I know this is childish for a middle age man but to be honest I can't help but feeling some resentment that she is "looking over my shoulder."

So question for the experienced married (or long term relationship) folks out there... how do you get support and/or deal with accountability with you sig. other?

TIA
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Old 04-11-2015, 12:10 PM
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for me, the answer is time sober. Would she want to attend an open meeting with you to see what they are like?
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Old 04-11-2015, 12:54 PM
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Telling the truth and not drinking should clear up your problems--but it takes a good while. As for what is said in meetings maybe you could invite her to an open meeting.
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Old 04-11-2015, 12:59 PM
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I have/had the same issue. The only way is with your actions over time. I get the resentment but put yourself in her shoes. She can't hold it against you forever but it will take some time to heal. Be patient and show her.
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Old 04-11-2015, 01:04 PM
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My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He had been sober for three and a half years, then had a couple of blips over a month or so.

It was really hard for me to trust him at first. However, he put a lot of things in place. He is going to meetings, started CBT and other things. I really tried hard to be relaxed around him and not seek on edge wondering if he was sneaking around drinking.

He bought a breathalyser, he now has a ritual of every morning and evening of doing this. I have never asked him to do this or pressured him into it. However it does really put my mind at rest. As time goes o. I'm sure he won't feel the need to do it .
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Old 04-11-2015, 01:23 PM
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time, takes time...

the dog two streets over would chase people and bite, the owner says he doesn't bite anymore, he trained him to stop biting last month. okay, sure... I still cross the street.
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Old 04-11-2015, 05:20 PM
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"Not surprisingly she checks up on me..."

This recognition is important; you don't blame her.
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Old 04-11-2015, 05:58 PM
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We train people in our lives how to interact with us. I know I wouldn't trust me with my track record. I am of the opinion that I know I'm sober and others can think what they may
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