The fog is lifting
 

So after about 5 days sober, I drank again. Today is my second day sober.
When I was sober those 5 days, I was happy, positive, and could see the light.
Now this time, working on my 2nd attempt at sobriety. I'm an anxiety case. I didn't sleep all night. I have flashbacks of all the crazy things i've done when drinking. I feel like since i'm not secure in my denial anymore, I just cannot believe I let myself get on this path of destruction. What the hell was I thinking?
I am so anxious and scared!
I know when drinking, a helluva lot worse can happen, so why am I so scared of being sober and dealing with the consequences of my drinking.
I do have a plan, that i'm putting into place. First thing is for me to get a sponsor..just a temp one that I can contact daily.
With all the lies and sneaky things i've pulled off in the past, I wonder if I'm damaged beyond repair. Stinking thinking is what i'm doing. :(
This time in my life sucks!
Please tell me it gets better!
Also, I'm not damaged beyond repair, right?

You are not damaged beyond repair. You CAN get better and lead a happy, productive life. It is not easy, especially in the beginning but you will be okay. Follow your plan and work on you. You never have to feel like this again as long as you don't drink. I wish you all the luck in the world.....xo

I've been where you are. And yes it WILL get better. Getting a sponsor that you NEED to contact every day is a solid step.

Take it daily. Do what they ask you to do. Accept help, and stop trying to do things your own way.

The sober days will pile up quickly. If you take the action.

Good luck to you.

Para-it all takes time. Like what Dee says, we can't expect for years of drinking to be repaired over night. It's a process for each one of us. Keep on hanging in there. It definitely gets better.

Glad your here Para....it will get better. I know exactly how you are feeling. I know it's not easy, but do try & let go of the past, the guilt & shame & move forward. I find putting some meditation sounds (I like rain falling) & do some deep breathing helps much to bring the anxiety level down. You are more than your alcoholism Para......You can do this. I am glad you are getting a sponsor.....I finally did after my last slip & I talk to him daily. Be kind to yourself friend!

I feel for you. Hang in there. You can do it!

I like how you said 'you're more than your alcoholism'. I feel like it's taking over every aspect of my life, and i'm having trouble getting out of it.

I can't say "I've been where you are," because everyone's life is different, but the feelings you described-- the anxiety, the inability to sleep, the pounding heart, the feeling that irreversible damage has been done, the flashbacks, the regrets, the feeling that sober life is going to be one miserable, empty day after another...... this is alcohol withdrawal. The first few days can be really tough, but they FEEL a LOT LONGER than they actually ARE.

Your body will heal itself. I've done research on this. Even the brain repairs itself for the most part, and you will feel sharp again.

At first, alcohol is the center of your life. Then when you quit, what replaces the alcohol as the center of your life is the withdrawal. But the withdrawal goes away. The storm passes, and things become peaceful.......and boring. That's where you need something else to become the center of your life. A hobby, friends, exercise, something. Find something to fill that gap, and you won't need to drink anymore.

I did it for 5 years. I didn't have a sip of anything but water and soda. What I filled my life with was drawing and music. I came up with some impressive stuff. Message me sometime if you want, I'll send you a link, as an example of what sobriety can bring out in a person.

Good luck.

I am going to have to agree with what FL said. All those doom scenarios we play out after quitting drinking are effects of the withdrawal. It will pass over time and you will start to forget you ever felt that bad. This of course is why you need a plan so you don't fall back into allowing yourself to drink again.

I'm working through day 2. It's not easy and the doom feeling isn't going away. :(
I'll keep trudging along!

I kept the doom cycle going for way too long.... drink recover, feel like crap, repeat, have anxiety, panic attacks, heart racing, sweats, insomnia. The whole gamut of awful feelings. I never thought it would ever go away so I kept on drinking.

I am now 3 months from my last drink and I have to say I don't feel any of those awful feelings now but I can't get lazy and try a drink because I think I have it under control.

Go at things again, tweak your plan and make it happen, you can do this!! :)