Alynn

I know the struggle! Don't romanticize it! Alcohol is so tricky. It wants to play those mind games with you. You should feel proud!

labgirl

I failed. I had 8 days sober. I was so happy! I felt so good and so accomplished. Through out this time my partner had been encouraging and vocal on being proud of me which helped a lot! I had noticed on one nite that he had been drinking and I was so disappointed because him drinking in the house and having alcohol in the house is a weakness of mine. It's like I cannot seem to resist having that drink if it's in the house and someone else is drinking. I have confessed this to him and asked for his support in not having the stuff in the house. On that first night I was able to ignore his drinking and I did not drink. Then on Thursday when I got home from work he was very buzzed and had a bottle open in the house. I was so hurt and angry. He was so in the cups that his communication was silly, he kept asking the same questions, he couldn't focus. I tried to go to another room to get out of the situation but he kept insisting on us being together. Finally I had enough. I went to the store and bought a 1/2 pint and brought it home and drank it. Within no time I was passed out. I woke up the next morning mad at him for drinking and furious at myself for caving in and drinking. I did the same thing last night, because I was still mad. How stupid is that?! I know the only thing I was doing was hurting myself. I knew I should call someone or take a drive or something but I didn't. I went to an AA meeting last night before I drank. I felt so much envy for those at the meeting who were celebrating sobriety. they seem to have such a connection. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I want to be sober. I don't want to drink, I hate it. I'm going to continue to try. I'll keep going to aa meetings, reading the big book and coming to SR. I felt like I needed to confess to someone that I failed. I'm not proud of it. I have to find my own way and I have to do something to handle trigger situations that do not include drinking.

Thanks for listening.

dwtbd

Nice to hear you are having a better morning with it. I am big on mental slants and perspectives , finding them and keeping them along with identifying and getting rid of negative ones. In some sense I don't see sobriety as a privilege as much as deserved. Enjoy a peaceful feeling , you earned it. The AV , I think, saw an opportunity to to try the romancing, melancholy card, didn't work ,good on you. Maybe next time reflect a little prior to an event that any sadness, melancholy about 'missing out' is coming from the land of smoke and mirrors, in the big picture you are a nondrinker. Emotional tail tugging is a wasted effort that would only be operative if a choice was involved or an option to be explored. Put it on notice that you know its tricks , let it know you see it grasping at straws.

Mark1014

^^^^^^^^^^^
beautiful.

Bmac

Next time you are in a similar situation, you can look back and say, "Oh yeah, I was here before and I made it through"