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Old 04-11-2015, 07:31 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I know the struggle! Don't romanticize it! Alcohol is so tricky. It wants to play those mind games with you. You should feel proud!
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Old 04-11-2015, 07:50 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I failed. I had 8 days sober. I was so happy! I felt so good and so accomplished. Through out this time my partner had been encouraging and vocal on being proud of me which helped a lot! I had noticed on one nite that he had been drinking and I was so disappointed because him drinking in the house and having alcohol in the house is a weakness of mine. It's like I cannot seem to resist having that drink if it's in the house and someone else is drinking. I have confessed this to him and asked for his support in not having the stuff in the house. On that first night I was able to ignore his drinking and I did not drink. Then on Thursday when I got home from work he was very buzzed and had a bottle open in the house. I was so hurt and angry. He was so in the cups that his communication was silly, he kept asking the same questions, he couldn't focus. I tried to go to another room to get out of the situation but he kept insisting on us being together. Finally I had enough. I went to the store and bought a 1/2 pint and brought it home and drank it. Within no time I was passed out. I woke up the next morning mad at him for drinking and furious at myself for caving in and drinking. I did the same thing last night, because I was still mad. How stupid is that?! I know the only thing I was doing was hurting myself. I knew I should call someone or take a drive or something but I didn't. I went to an AA meeting last night before I drank. I felt so much envy for those at the meeting who were celebrating sobriety. they seem to have such a connection. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I want to be sober. I don't want to drink, I hate it. I'm going to continue to try. I'll keep going to aa meetings, reading the big book and coming to SR. I felt like I needed to confess to someone that I failed. I'm not proud of it. I have to find my own way and I have to do something to handle trigger situations that do not include drinking.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 04-11-2015, 08:05 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Nice to hear you are having a better morning with it. I am big on mental slants and perspectives , finding them and keeping them along with identifying and getting rid of negative ones. In some sense I don't see sobriety as a privilege as much as deserved. Enjoy a peaceful feeling , you earned it. The AV , I think, saw an opportunity to to try the romancing, melancholy card, didn't work ,good on you. Maybe next time reflect a little prior to an event that any sadness, melancholy about 'missing out' is coming from the land of smoke and mirrors, in the big picture you are a nondrinker. Emotional tail tugging is a wasted effort that would only be operative if a choice was involved or an option to be explored. Put it on notice that you know its tricks , let it know you see it grasping at straws.
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Old 04-11-2015, 10:33 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Smile

Originally Posted by lance40 View Post
it's a new day, and i've broken through to the other side of this. I slept fitfully, and every time i woke up i fumbled in the dark on my night stand for my phone and read and re-read the messages here before drifting off again. This morning i feel very peaceful, serene and quiet inside; and i'm deeply moved by the outpouring of support here. Some of my biggest growth in sobriety has come through moments of difficulty, and so i think that for me and where i'm at that last night went just as it should have gone, dejection and all. I'm happy for the privilege to be sober again today.
^^^^^^^^^^^
beautiful.
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Old 04-11-2015, 10:36 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Next time you are in a similar situation, you can look back and say, "Oh yeah, I was here before and I made it through"
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