feel like a loser
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 154
feel like a loser
3 days from a month sober, was feeling good.. new job(exhausting). I am a single parent have brought my boy and girl up myself. They are teenagers. It is so damn hard. After work I was so pent up went to pub(s) had a non alcohol beer
then I was on it. Drunk bored lonely annoyed with myself sad. I didn't even last a month.
then I was on it. Drunk bored lonely annoyed with myself sad. I didn't even last a month.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
Be kind to yourself, I had many day ones. You will have to avoid the pubs completely for a while. What can you do in the future to not drink when stressed? I always read on here if I am upset or worried and it really helps. All the best.xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Losers do not continue to look for ways to improve their situation.
I think going to the pub for that non-alcoholic beer seems like a bad idea. You are still too new at this to temp fate. You are still 'doing' the same things. Going to a pub to unwind thinking that drinking non-alcoholic brew is the same. It is not or you wouldn't have decided to alter your plans.
I think staying out of the pubs for a while should be a part of your plan going forward.
It's like trying to maintain a platonic relationship while still seeing your old girlfriend who is constantly coming on to you. And she won't stop at anything to get you back.
Stop seeing her.
I think going to the pub for that non-alcoholic beer seems like a bad idea. You are still too new at this to temp fate. You are still 'doing' the same things. Going to a pub to unwind thinking that drinking non-alcoholic brew is the same. It is not or you wouldn't have decided to alter your plans.
I think staying out of the pubs for a while should be a part of your plan going forward.
It's like trying to maintain a platonic relationship while still seeing your old girlfriend who is constantly coming on to you. And she won't stop at anything to get you back.
Stop seeing her.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
TomTom, you fell into the AV trap that springs when you're over-confident then have a bad day (month). It can be easy while your mood's holding up.
Stress, fatigue and hunger are major triggers, so take care of those like your life depended on it. Is there anything you can do about the natural difficulties of raising teenagers? Friends or relatives, especially female ones, you can run the problems past and get some balance? Even a counsellor to debrief to. It can stop you making mountains out of molehills.
Do you schedule some time to yourself that's not about the kids? Something enjoyable?
Message is, watch out for the high stress times (after work usually) when you're hungry and a bit tired. Talk to the teens and get their help in staying sober.
Stress, fatigue and hunger are major triggers, so take care of those like your life depended on it. Is there anything you can do about the natural difficulties of raising teenagers? Friends or relatives, especially female ones, you can run the problems past and get some balance? Even a counsellor to debrief to. It can stop you making mountains out of molehills.
Do you schedule some time to yourself that's not about the kids? Something enjoyable?
Message is, watch out for the high stress times (after work usually) when you're hungry and a bit tired. Talk to the teens and get their help in staying sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You're not a loser Tom 
It's not uncommon to get overconfident or underestimate your addiction.
At least know you know you have things to work on this time around.
so you have any support besides us? do you use the support you have when you need it?
remember HALT?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
what else could you have done instead of the pub?
(I don't need to know, but you need to think about it...you'll have a stronger recovery that way)
D
It's not uncommon to get overconfident or underestimate your addiction.
At least know you know you have things to work on this time around.
so you have any support besides us? do you use the support you have when you need it?
remember HALT?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
what else could you have done instead of the pub?
(I don't need to know, but you need to think about it...you'll have a stronger recovery that way)
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by TomTom75 
3 days from a month sober, was feeling good.. new job(exhausting). I am a single parent have brought my boy and girl up myself. They are teenagers. It is so damn hard. After work I was so pent up went to pub(s) had a non alcohol beer
then I was on it. Drunk bored lonely annoyed with myself sad. I didn't even last a month.
then I was on it. Drunk bored lonely annoyed with myself sad. I didn't even last a month.
I substituted AA meetings for the pubs, especially when I got lonely. A lot of AA members were like me; they loved pubs, especially when they were lonely.
In some ways AA meetings for me were like dry pubs. Even though I was abstinent along with the other AA members, we had many of the same living problems that we’d share about at the pubs. Except there was a much higher potential to solve my living problems at an AA meeting, rather than at a pub; that’s the purpose of AA. Also at AA meetings I didn’t have to feel as lonely as I had, because I was living in the solution along with others and not the problem by myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
You're not a loser. If it was easy to stop drinking and to stay stopped then none of us would be here. Try and not waste time feeling regretful, instead maybe focus your energy on your recovery and make any adjustments (more support, etc) if you need to. Keep moving forward..you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I'm a loser according to my ex girlfriend. Certainly I have felt that way by times.
We weren't together and I was clinically depressed, I think it says more about her. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=loser
You, on the other hand don't sound very much like a loser based on what you said.
We weren't together and I was clinically depressed, I think it says more about her. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=loser
You, on the other hand don't sound very much like a loser based on what you said.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: london uk
Posts: 261
Hi Tom respect to you for all that time invested in sobriety.. I know how demanding it is raising children and with the new job you're probably exhausted.. Can you find different ways to reward yourself.
I kick back with some tv now.. Would always feel guilty about it before but now it's a legitimate indulgence.
I kick back with some tv now.. Would always feel guilty about it before but now it's a legitimate indulgence.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Tom can you get any family support with your two children? Could you maybe get an occasional night off where your kids stay with friends then you pay back by having the kids and their friends over? Bringing up kids on your own is tough and even tougher when you are in a new job.
Maybe in your plan you need to have an alternative activity for when you feel pent up?
Maybe in your plan you need to have an alternative activity for when you feel pent up?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 154
Thanks everyone for the advice and support. it was 11 pm I should have gone home to bed, instead I drank to get drunk after the first couple. Came home and was sick. I realise my AV was in overload. It's not even about the kids or stress, think I was lonely and wanted to hear some noise. Escape is what I do best. Today I will start again. It's a horrible illness and a horrible learning curve.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
Originally Posted by Iconoclastic
I’m social; I loved pubs, especially when I was lonely. I owned a pub for a while.
I substituted AA meetings for the pubs, especially when I got lonely. A lot of AA members were like me; they loved pubs, especially when they were lonely.
In some ways AA meetings for me were like dry pubs. Even though I was abstinent along with the other AA members, we had many of the same living problems that we’d share about at the pubs. Except there was a much higher potential to solve my living problems at an AA meeting, rather than at a pub; that’s the purpose of AA. Also at AA meetings I didn’t have to feel as lonely as I had, because I was living in the solution along with others and not the problem by myself.
I substituted AA meetings for the pubs, especially when I got lonely. A lot of AA members were like me; they loved pubs, especially when they were lonely.
In some ways AA meetings for me were like dry pubs. Even though I was abstinent along with the other AA members, we had many of the same living problems that we’d share about at the pubs. Except there was a much higher potential to solve my living problems at an AA meeting, rather than at a pub; that’s the purpose of AA. Also at AA meetings I didn’t have to feel as lonely as I had, because I was living in the solution along with others and not the problem by myself.
i'm 10 days off a year and i still don't go in pubs. i mean, i CAN, and drink diet coke, but not for a night out.
be well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hi TomTom:
Being a single parent is hard, for a man or a woman. What you do is admirable. I have a partner that helps me with house and kid and it's STILL hard so hats off to you. Have you tried researching groups for single parents? I have heard there are things like that, even as specialized to single dads.
The time you spent sober isn't nothing. It means something! You are not a loser!
Being a single parent is hard, for a man or a woman. What you do is admirable. I have a partner that helps me with house and kid and it's STILL hard so hats off to you. Have you tried researching groups for single parents? I have heard there are things like that, even as specialized to single dads.
The time you spent sober isn't nothing. It means something! You are not a loser!
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