messyliver

And it bloody isn't. After my 18 days of sobriety in January i fell off the wagon and was too embarrassed to show my face around here. I didn't start bingeing... was just having a couple of beers/glasses of wine at the weekend but then it all went downhill about a month ago and i had a very heavy month of gin drinking, on top of the beer and wine.

I'm now on day 5 again and feel like i need the support of the forum more than ever. I watched a documentary about the NHS the other day and it was showing the amount of people in their late twenties who are dying of liver failure. I do not want to be another statistic. I know that 100% sobriety is the ONLY WAY for me but i just can't seem to get it through my thick skull. I keep making the fatal error of looking into the future (holidays with the family, my brothers wedding, etc) without alcohol and thinking that i am weak and that i cannot do it.

Sorry for the rant.

Messy.

Dee74

Welcome Back ML

The key to continued sobriety to me hinged on two things - one was finding enough of the right kind of support, and using it.

The other was making changes to my life. If you're still living a drinkers life, it's going to be very hard for you to quit.

I know noone wants to be different - but I bet those people in the doco wish they'd accepted their alcoholism a lot sooner, yeah?

It's a hard change - but that's where the support, and you using that support, comes in.

a year from now - 5 , 10 years even - you'll look back and be glad you made the leap ML.

D

messyliver

I try to make changes but slowly fall back into old habits. I'm detemined to make those changes for good this time around. It just has to be done.

trachemys

Don't EVER be afraid or ashamed to come here and post for help. We've been there and done that. Lean on us.

messyliver

I was just so ashamed of myself. I remember the day i caved. I didn't even WANT the wine. I just had my flatmate pouring me a glass with the whole "go onnnn" rant and i just drank i, didn't enjoy it, felt like **** after a couple of glasses. But instead of coming back and accepting it i completely fell again. I'm so ANGRY at myself for another full circle. I just don't.know.what.to.do.

Dee74

do it different this time.

Beating yourself up is futile. It's not action.

Get a recovery plan in place - know what to do in those situations in future...have people in place to help...

if SR is not enough for you then start exploring other options...Dr, counsellors, AA or some other meeting based recovery group, inpatient or outpatient rehab....

The more you put into your recovery the more you'll get out of it.

but the basic plank of any recovery plan is - no drink - no matter what the reason.

D

MIRecovery

Will power alone never worked for me but will power plus AA did.

What are you going to do this time differently?

anattaboy

This short read helped me:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html I needed a new way of looking at it. Best wishes on finding YOUR Way.

tomsteve

Getting sober wasn't easy for me either. The craving, compulsion, and obsession was very strong. I had days I had to fight very hard not to run to the liquor store. I spent a lot of time those days praying.
One thing that truly helped me was AA. I went to meetings. I heard from a lot of people that knew what I was going through. They had been in my shoes. I put faith in them that it would get easier IF I put in footwork. So I read the big book and also did what it suggested.
Eventually, as them people said and as the program promises, it got easier. This happened:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

I think being part of a statistic that long term recovery is possible is a good thing.

TroyW

Awwww, messy, totally know the feeling. No advice, but can I just give you a hug? ((messy))

Axiom

Welcome back Messy and thank you for posting this. It is exactly what I needed to read this morning.

It sounds like you don't have the support you need in your house. I had to make my home a safe haven. Can you talk to your flatmate? Or is it possible to move?

Focus that anger and use it to do whatever you need to in order to get and maintain sobriety.

Never be ashamed here. You are working hard to save your life and you should be proud.

messyliver

AA isn't an option for me as i live in a little Spanish town and there are no meetings. It doesn't sound like a lot right now but i've downloaded a sobriety app where you find a sponsor who agrees to be contactable at any time of any day. My sponsor is a friend of mine from home who has been sober for 2 years now. He was once one of my biggest drinking partners in crime. I've also spoken to my family a lot more seriously than ever before about becoming clean so that they take me seriously rather than seeing it as going through a phase. I've already made a list of any events in the next few weeks that i need to avoid and have made alternative plans with non drinking friends.

messyliver

Axiom, my flatmate is not a big drinker (she's spanish and has a few beers a week) and so does not understand the concept of a drinking problem lol. The day that she convinced me to have a wine was a big celebratory lunch in our flat where we invited lots of friends and she knows i love wine so bought an expensive bottle. So she really didn't see the harm in having a glass you know? But what happened after we finished dinner was i polished off the bottle and went to buy another one.

waywardson8260

I have had many unsuccessful attempts at quitting myself but so far this time with some more support I am staying sober. I know now that I just have to stay sober. It is #1 priority for me.

messyliver

When you put it like that it just sounds so simple right... "just say sober... just don't drink." It literally is taking is every minute at a time! x