Honey, I'm home.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
I just finished reading the article on Paws. thanks- To read the symptoms last for 3 to 6 months, yikes, but I can do this.
Living with AH is difficult but I have no other choice right now. Trying to detach as much as possible. I believe the ‘detachment’ is the attitude he is talking about. it threatens his life style.
Right now, after the incident of overhearing him, he is silent. I am use to this behavior. I don’t trust him know. He went to the state capital yesterday and I imagined the worst which was him getting a court order and kicking me out of the house for some god forsaken thing. The inability to think clearly-PAWS-repetitive thinking is taking up a lot of my time.
Paws recommends to talk and vent, I can’t talk to him. He is just going to pacify me and make it all my fault.
So I’m talking and venting to SR and a few sisters.
I have a few days off next week, i will go get legal advice
Living with AH is difficult but I have no other choice right now. Trying to detach as much as possible. I believe the ‘detachment’ is the attitude he is talking about. it threatens his life style.
Right now, after the incident of overhearing him, he is silent. I am use to this behavior. I don’t trust him know. He went to the state capital yesterday and I imagined the worst which was him getting a court order and kicking me out of the house for some god forsaken thing. The inability to think clearly-PAWS-repetitive thinking is taking up a lot of my time.
Paws recommends to talk and vent, I can’t talk to him. He is just going to pacify me and make it all my fault.
So I’m talking and venting to SR and a few sisters.
I have a few days off next week, i will go get legal advice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by Beccybean 
Secretary - I would highly recommend it. There is no need to be alone.
I felt like me and my (still drinking) partner were drifting further and further apart for the first 6 months of my sobriety. It was the AA meetings that helped me change and be able to cope. I'm not sure if he has changed much, but I am stronger now, so we get on better. When we don't get on better I know it isn't long til I'll be in the company of some understanding people.
I'm very lucky as I've found a home group where there are as many ladies as there are men, and it's a lovely place to go to. It's like stepping into a warm bath.
I agree that Sisterbobby maybe should find some advice about protecting herself financially. Also maybe start thinking about where you can go if the proverbial hits the fan. But this is a really strange time to consider making any drastic changes, so as others have said, try to bide your time until you're sure about what you want.
Do you know what he means by your 'attitude'? Obviously, I know neither you or your drunk hubby, so please be assured that I'm really not insinuating anything with that question. Just speaking from my own experience, I went through a really tough patch which progressed into depression from around 3 - 6 months. I suspect that most people close to me realised it was an issue and that I was becoming quite irrational, stressed and over-emotional way before I realised it myself. I needed help. And I got it - by getting a sponsor and starting to work the AA program, and also by the Head at the school where I work (my boss lady!!) getting me some free counselling sessions. (Not that it's any excuse for your hubby to speak to a friend about you in that way AT ALL). I just thought it might be worth you asking yourself the question, as often PAWs does this to us as part of the recovery process.
I'm attaching an article about PAWs, which I only heard of way after it was an issue for me. I think it could have saved me, and those who work and live with me a lot of pain and frustration if I'd known about it back then. Hopefully you won't need it, and a parachute would be far more useful, but just in case...
PAWS | Digital Dharma
I felt like me and my (still drinking) partner were drifting further and further apart for the first 6 months of my sobriety. It was the AA meetings that helped me change and be able to cope. I'm not sure if he has changed much, but I am stronger now, so we get on better. When we don't get on better I know it isn't long til I'll be in the company of some understanding people.
I'm very lucky as I've found a home group where there are as many ladies as there are men, and it's a lovely place to go to. It's like stepping into a warm bath.
I agree that Sisterbobby maybe should find some advice about protecting herself financially. Also maybe start thinking about where you can go if the proverbial hits the fan. But this is a really strange time to consider making any drastic changes, so as others have said, try to bide your time until you're sure about what you want.
Do you know what he means by your 'attitude'? Obviously, I know neither you or your drunk hubby, so please be assured that I'm really not insinuating anything with that question. Just speaking from my own experience, I went through a really tough patch which progressed into depression from around 3 - 6 months. I suspect that most people close to me realised it was an issue and that I was becoming quite irrational, stressed and over-emotional way before I realised it myself. I needed help. And I got it - by getting a sponsor and starting to work the AA program, and also by the Head at the school where I work (my boss lady!!) getting me some free counselling sessions. (Not that it's any excuse for your hubby to speak to a friend about you in that way AT ALL). I just thought it might be worth you asking yourself the question, as often PAWs does this to us as part of the recovery process.
I'm attaching an article about PAWs, which I only heard of way after it was an issue for me. I think it could have saved me, and those who work and live with me a lot of pain and frustration if I'd known about it back then. Hopefully you won't need it, and a parachute would be far more useful, but just in case...
PAWS | Digital Dharma
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,901
No problem at all.
If you want to know more about AA and what to expect at a meeting there is lots of information to be found on here, but also feel free to ask. I think the 'anonymous' bit makes people think they can't ask questions, but it really is fine to ask, and it would be a lot easier to go along once it's been demystified a bit.
This article is pretty good... What Can I Expect at a 12-Step Meeting?
I hope you're feeling a bit better
If you want to know more about AA and what to expect at a meeting there is lots of information to be found on here, but also feel free to ask. I think the 'anonymous' bit makes people think they can't ask questions, but it really is fine to ask, and it would be a lot easier to go along once it's been demystified a bit.
This article is pretty good... What Can I Expect at a 12-Step Meeting?
I hope you're feeling a bit better
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by secretary
Wow, we really do have the exact same living situation. I'm getting more and more depressed the longer I stay sober. I'm thinking of going to AA just to get some support, as I have no one (except you guys).
My PCP started me on anxiety/depression meds for a nervous tummy, small dose, it didn't do anything for tummy issues, but did help with anxiety. She upped the dose and I do feel less depressed. I am going to get a referral for pysch doc and get on the right dose/med? Concerning AA, have not done it. I do have a few sisters to talk to and Of course SR, which has helped me quite a bit. A long way to go still...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alice Springs, NT, Down Under
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by Sisterbobby
We do not talk, no intimacy for nearly a year. He drinks which makes his sleep apnea 10X worse, so I asked him to sleep in the other room. So he makes love to his bottle every night and passes out in the other room. I joined SR this Jan, living a sobriety life for three months with one mishap. My AH is a manipulator, even a narcissist. (yikes, thats hard to say)
You are in control now you are the sober person with the clear head so you have the power in your hands mate. Use this to your fullest potential. Hugs from the heart of Australia and all my blessings to you
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