2 Days in (48 Hours)
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Morning all,
Well it is the start of day thirteen for me.
Before I carry on with this mornings post, I just want to complete yesterday nights entry.
So yesterday morning I went and bought myself some snazzy shoes for work. Something with foam retention - whatever that might be. It just felt good. I went to the cinema and found out that the earliest show was one and a half hours away, so I treated myself to a double bacon and cheese burger with chips at the wimpy. For those of you that don't know wimpy - it is like your burger king. I finished my whole meal. This is a new thing for me. Somehow with sobriety, not only do I have the appetite, but I also have the stamina to eat the whole meal, not just pick at it.
After the burger I went to the movies. I saw some mindless movie about mercenaries in the Congo. Gunman with Sean Penn. There were only two of us in the cinema, so I didn't feel bad tonking on my silver cigar throughout. Either way, it was a way to fill up two hours of my time.
Last night I treated myself to that steak. I did not have my usual chips and onion rings, but rather a baked potato with it. I had four NA beers with dinner. I was rather chuffed (slang for impressed) with myself as I had no urge for alcohol. I think I have found the right combination of NA beers that I like to drink. I will have two Bavaria NA's (original) and two Becks' NA. It is quite a nice combo as I get the malty taste from the Bavaria and the fizzy lemony taste from the Becks.
I had my usual evening arnica infused bath. I think this is helping with the relaxing of my muscles and mind. I feel quite relaxed when I get out the bath in the evenings. I lay on the bed and read for a bit. It wasn't long before my eyes were drooping.
I dropped of fairly quickly and easily. Alas, I still woke up and my usual time. I think that the way for me to get more sleep in is to go to bed a bit earlier. No convulsions either last night. It seems as if I might be getting somewhere with the insomnia monster now.
That brings us to today.
Physically, I am feeling great. I woke up without a headache, but it has slowly returned. It is not as vicious as the past days, but it is there. I have decided to ride it out and not take anything for it, unless it gets unbearable. I am feeling rested. I do have the usual ailments, but they are weakening everyday. The hand shakes are barley noticeable. When I say this, I can see them, because I am looking for them. Others do not see them. The burning under the skin on the side of may face is still there, but so feint. The insomnia monster seems to be at bay for now, so lets hold thumbs for that. And the headache is there, but not a killer like before.
Mentally, I am sharp as can be. I have tasks to do around the house. When I was drinking I would put them off, but now that I am sober I feel motivated to get them done and out of the way. Another thing that comes with sobriety is pride. I have been taking more care of my appearance and dress. When I was drinking I didn't really care much for how I dressed. Don't get me wrong, work was always ok, but around the house or popping into the shops I didn't really care. I look forward to my morning and evening bath. It is probably the most relaxing times of my day. It sort of helps me reign in and gather my thoughts into a coral so that I might be able to manage them.
Emotionally, I feel ok today. For the past two days my emotions are not flitting all over the place. They are more consistent, which in a good way allows me to address them. It is very hard to address anything that is flitting all over the place. For this alone, I am grateful. Sometimes the emotions are not what you really want, but at least it is consistent. I am finding that it is easier to deal with and bear a consistent emotion than what it is to deal with a torrent of emotions.
So where does this leave me today? Well I think that all things considered, I am in as good a place as I deserve to be. I did not think that I would ever recover this much with all the booze that I have consumed over the years. I can only be thankful for every bit of recovery that I do make. The consequences of my drinking are mine and mine alone to bear. There are many things that I should count my blessings for. I didn't get into an accident and kill some poor innocent while being pissed behind the wheel. I didn't end up in jail etc. Although not the most upstanding, mature or moral of behaviour, it is something to be grateful for. The fuse was lit and it was only a matter of time before it blew up in my face.
Anyway, have a great Sunday out there.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well it is the start of day thirteen for me.
Before I carry on with this mornings post, I just want to complete yesterday nights entry.
So yesterday morning I went and bought myself some snazzy shoes for work. Something with foam retention - whatever that might be. It just felt good. I went to the cinema and found out that the earliest show was one and a half hours away, so I treated myself to a double bacon and cheese burger with chips at the wimpy. For those of you that don't know wimpy - it is like your burger king. I finished my whole meal. This is a new thing for me. Somehow with sobriety, not only do I have the appetite, but I also have the stamina to eat the whole meal, not just pick at it.
After the burger I went to the movies. I saw some mindless movie about mercenaries in the Congo. Gunman with Sean Penn. There were only two of us in the cinema, so I didn't feel bad tonking on my silver cigar throughout. Either way, it was a way to fill up two hours of my time.
Last night I treated myself to that steak. I did not have my usual chips and onion rings, but rather a baked potato with it. I had four NA beers with dinner. I was rather chuffed (slang for impressed) with myself as I had no urge for alcohol. I think I have found the right combination of NA beers that I like to drink. I will have two Bavaria NA's (original) and two Becks' NA. It is quite a nice combo as I get the malty taste from the Bavaria and the fizzy lemony taste from the Becks.
I had my usual evening arnica infused bath. I think this is helping with the relaxing of my muscles and mind. I feel quite relaxed when I get out the bath in the evenings. I lay on the bed and read for a bit. It wasn't long before my eyes were drooping.
I dropped of fairly quickly and easily. Alas, I still woke up and my usual time. I think that the way for me to get more sleep in is to go to bed a bit earlier. No convulsions either last night. It seems as if I might be getting somewhere with the insomnia monster now.
That brings us to today.
Physically, I am feeling great. I woke up without a headache, but it has slowly returned. It is not as vicious as the past days, but it is there. I have decided to ride it out and not take anything for it, unless it gets unbearable. I am feeling rested. I do have the usual ailments, but they are weakening everyday. The hand shakes are barley noticeable. When I say this, I can see them, because I am looking for them. Others do not see them. The burning under the skin on the side of may face is still there, but so feint. The insomnia monster seems to be at bay for now, so lets hold thumbs for that. And the headache is there, but not a killer like before.
Mentally, I am sharp as can be. I have tasks to do around the house. When I was drinking I would put them off, but now that I am sober I feel motivated to get them done and out of the way. Another thing that comes with sobriety is pride. I have been taking more care of my appearance and dress. When I was drinking I didn't really care much for how I dressed. Don't get me wrong, work was always ok, but around the house or popping into the shops I didn't really care. I look forward to my morning and evening bath. It is probably the most relaxing times of my day. It sort of helps me reign in and gather my thoughts into a coral so that I might be able to manage them.
Emotionally, I feel ok today. For the past two days my emotions are not flitting all over the place. They are more consistent, which in a good way allows me to address them. It is very hard to address anything that is flitting all over the place. For this alone, I am grateful. Sometimes the emotions are not what you really want, but at least it is consistent. I am finding that it is easier to deal with and bear a consistent emotion than what it is to deal with a torrent of emotions.
So where does this leave me today? Well I think that all things considered, I am in as good a place as I deserve to be. I did not think that I would ever recover this much with all the booze that I have consumed over the years. I can only be thankful for every bit of recovery that I do make. The consequences of my drinking are mine and mine alone to bear. There are many things that I should count my blessings for. I didn't get into an accident and kill some poor innocent while being pissed behind the wheel. I didn't end up in jail etc. Although not the most upstanding, mature or moral of behaviour, it is something to be grateful for. The fuse was lit and it was only a matter of time before it blew up in my face.
Anyway, have a great Sunday out there.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by ZaBoozer 
Morning all, Well it is the start of day thirteen for me. Before I carry on with this mornings post, I just want to complete yesterday nights entry. So yesterday morning I went and bought myself some snazzy shoes for work. Something with foam retention - whatever that might be. It just felt good. I went to the cinema and found out that the earliest show was one and a half hours away, so I treated myself to a double bacon and cheese burger with chips at the wimpy. For those of you that don't know wimpy - it is like your burger king. I finished my whole meal. This is a new thing for me. Somehow with sobriety, not only do I have the appetite, but I also have the stamina to eat the whole meal, not just pick at it. After the burger I went to the movies. I saw some mindless movie about mercenaries in the Congo. Gunman with Sean Penn. There were only two of us in the cinema, so I didn't feel bad tonking on my silver cigar throughout. Either way, it was a way to fill up two hours of my time. Last night I treated myself to that steak. I did not have my usual chips and onion rings, but rather a baked potato with it. I had four NA beers with dinner. I was rather chuffed (slang for impressed) with myself as I had no urge for alcohol. I think I have found the right combination of NA beers that I like to drink. I will have two Bavaria NA's (original) and two Becks' NA. It is quite a nice combo as I get the malty taste from the Bavaria and the fizzy lemony taste from the Becks. I had my usual evening arnica infused bath. I think this is helping with the relaxing of my muscles and mind. I feel quite relaxed when I get out the bath in the evenings. I lay on the bed and read for a bit. It wasn't long before my eyes were drooping. I dropped of fairly quickly and easily. Alas, I still woke up and my usual time. I think that the way for me to get more sleep in is to go to bed a bit earlier. No convulsions either last night. It seems as if I might be getting somewhere with the insomnia monster now. That brings us to today. Physically, I am feeling great. I woke up without a headache, but it has slowly returned. It is not as vicious as the past days, but it is there. I have decided to ride it out and not take anything for it, unless it gets unbearable. I am feeling rested. I do have the usual ailments, but they are weakening everyday. The hand shakes are barley noticeable. When I say this, I can see them, because I am looking for them. Others do not see them. The burning under the skin on the side of may face is still there, but so feint. The insomnia monster seems to be at bay for now, so lets hold thumbs for that. And the headache is there, but not a killer like before. Mentally, I am sharp as can be. I have tasks to do around the house. When I was drinking I would put them off, but now that I am sober I feel motivated to get them done and out of the way. Another thing that comes with sobriety is pride. I have been taking more care of my appearance and dress. When I was drinking I didn't really care much for how I dressed. Don't get me wrong, work was always ok, but around the house or popping into the shops I didn't really care. I look forward to my morning and evening bath. It is probably the most relaxing times of my day. It sort of helps me reign in and gather my thoughts into a coral so that I might be able to manage them. Emotionally, I feel ok today. For the past two days my emotions are not flitting all over the place. They are more consistent, which in a good way allows me to address them. It is very hard to address anything that is flitting all over the place. For this alone, I am grateful. Sometimes the emotions are not what you really want, but at least it is consistent. I am finding that it is easier to deal with and bear a consistent emotion than what it is to deal with a torrent of emotions. So where does this leave me today? Well I think that all things considered, I am in as good a place as I deserve to be. I did not think that I would ever recover this much with all the booze that I have consumed over the years. I can only be thankful for every bit of recovery that I do make. The consequences of my drinking are mine and mine alone to bear. There are many things that I should count my blessings for. I didn't get into an accident and kill some poor innocent while being pissed behind the wheel. I didn't end up in jail etc. Although not the most upstanding, mature or moral of behaviour, it is something to be grateful for. The fuse was lit and it was only a matter of time before it blew up in my face. Anyway, have a great Sunday out there. Be safe and be strong. Cheers, ZAB
Wimpy! I thought they shut down years ago! They used to do the best chips.
Congratulations on day 13! I'm pleased that you can feel yourself starting to heal and treating yourself kindly is a good way forward :-)
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by thomas11
Hi ZAB, what does "ta" mean? is it a south african thing?
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
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Originally Posted by JaneLane
Hi zab
Wimpy! I thought they shut down years ago! They used to do the best chips.
Congratulations on day 13! I'm pleased that you can feel yourself starting to heal and treating yourself kindly is a good way forward :-)
Wimpy! I thought they shut down years ago! They used to do the best chips.
Congratulations on day 13! I'm pleased that you can feel yourself starting to heal and treating yourself kindly is a good way forward :-)
They will never shutdown here in SA. The best chips in SA though are from steers. They have this really cool salt.
Ta for the kind comments.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by ZaBoozer
Hi JL, They will never shutdown here in SA. The best chips in SA though are from steers. They have this really cool salt. Ta for the kind comments. Cheers, ZAB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Evening all,
Well it is the end of day thirteen for me. I guess that thirteen is not such an unlucky number after all.
Physically, I am tired. I had to take something for the headache around midmorning as it just got progressively worse. After that it seemed to clear up until this afternoon, when I had to take something again. It is a good sign as I think the headaches are on their way out, slowly but surely. The burning sensation under the skin down the side of my face has now reduced to a numbness. I am sure that this is another good sign and that this too is on its way out. The hand shakes are now barely perceptible even to me. I really had to look closely to see it.
Mentally, I am still sharp and focussed. I have started a new book, more on that later, and was able to concentrate on that without being distracted by anything. I even absorbed most of it. So my short term memory is coming back. I will have to check myself later on the long term memory, but I can recall events; names and places from the books that I have read since I have become sober. Trust me, I have read quite a few books.
Emotionally, it has been a mostly stable day. I have had some feelings rush at me out of the blue. Some bad thoughts too. I think I may have a way of dealing with them. I surmised in an earlier post that I did not suspect the AV for some of these thoughts. Turns out I may have been wrong. I won't say too much on this until I have put my theory into practice. Once I can prove or disprove it, I will comment further on it.
It has been a rather chilly day here in SA, so I did not venture out too much. The only times I went out were to have a smoke - I am still sticking to my self imposed ban of not smoking real cigarettes in the house or in the car. I did the tasks I had to do around the house. They consisted mostly of cleaning and packing things away that were just taking up space. Once that was done I read. Now back to the book. I am currently reading, or should I say have almost finished, a book called "The monkey on my shoulder". It deals with the twelve steps and recovery, but is very pro on the meetings. Although I have stated earlier that I am not into the meetings or anything like that, I still found that the book has some very good advice. Although I have not read any AA type literature before, I was very pleasantly surprised to find that many of the steps mentioned coincided with my own recovery plan. I would recommend this book to anyone starting out on their journey. It is very insightful to our problem and to the way that the AV works. They just refer to it as the monkey on your shoulder.
The appetite is still there. I was very chuffed with myself today. Not only did I have a good lunch, but I even managed to have a braai (SA slang for barbecue) with a huge plateful of salad to accompany the meat for dinner. I have managed to bring my chocolate consumption down - I only but the Lindt 90% cocoa chocolate. I like dark chocolate, but even this stuff is a bit much. Two blocks out of the slab and your mouth is numb. I had three NA beers during the day. The first was after 13H00 and the other two were with dinner. I quite seem to like the NA beer, although I don't drink it in anything close to the quantities that I would drink normal beer, so that is another positive. I think I have found my drink for those inevitable work functions.
So that's where I stand at the end of day thirteen. Not a completely broken man, not Superman either, but rather a recovering alcoholic on the mend. I actually feel comfortable with that statement.
I have read a lot of posts here on SR over the weekend as I find that it keeps me feeling good. I have read a few posts where some people have relapsed - all I can say is get back on the bicycle, try again and hang in there. It really does get better as each day goes by. The deal we have to make with ourselves is as simple as this - I will not drink today (plan). How do we do this - baby steps. One day, one hour and if all else fails one minute at a time (method).
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well it is the end of day thirteen for me. I guess that thirteen is not such an unlucky number after all.
Physically, I am tired. I had to take something for the headache around midmorning as it just got progressively worse. After that it seemed to clear up until this afternoon, when I had to take something again. It is a good sign as I think the headaches are on their way out, slowly but surely. The burning sensation under the skin down the side of my face has now reduced to a numbness. I am sure that this is another good sign and that this too is on its way out. The hand shakes are now barely perceptible even to me. I really had to look closely to see it.
Mentally, I am still sharp and focussed. I have started a new book, more on that later, and was able to concentrate on that without being distracted by anything. I even absorbed most of it. So my short term memory is coming back. I will have to check myself later on the long term memory, but I can recall events; names and places from the books that I have read since I have become sober. Trust me, I have read quite a few books.
Emotionally, it has been a mostly stable day. I have had some feelings rush at me out of the blue. Some bad thoughts too. I think I may have a way of dealing with them. I surmised in an earlier post that I did not suspect the AV for some of these thoughts. Turns out I may have been wrong. I won't say too much on this until I have put my theory into practice. Once I can prove or disprove it, I will comment further on it.
It has been a rather chilly day here in SA, so I did not venture out too much. The only times I went out were to have a smoke - I am still sticking to my self imposed ban of not smoking real cigarettes in the house or in the car. I did the tasks I had to do around the house. They consisted mostly of cleaning and packing things away that were just taking up space. Once that was done I read. Now back to the book. I am currently reading, or should I say have almost finished, a book called "The monkey on my shoulder". It deals with the twelve steps and recovery, but is very pro on the meetings. Although I have stated earlier that I am not into the meetings or anything like that, I still found that the book has some very good advice. Although I have not read any AA type literature before, I was very pleasantly surprised to find that many of the steps mentioned coincided with my own recovery plan. I would recommend this book to anyone starting out on their journey. It is very insightful to our problem and to the way that the AV works. They just refer to it as the monkey on your shoulder.
The appetite is still there. I was very chuffed with myself today. Not only did I have a good lunch, but I even managed to have a braai (SA slang for barbecue) with a huge plateful of salad to accompany the meat for dinner. I have managed to bring my chocolate consumption down - I only but the Lindt 90% cocoa chocolate. I like dark chocolate, but even this stuff is a bit much. Two blocks out of the slab and your mouth is numb. I had three NA beers during the day. The first was after 13H00 and the other two were with dinner. I quite seem to like the NA beer, although I don't drink it in anything close to the quantities that I would drink normal beer, so that is another positive. I think I have found my drink for those inevitable work functions.
So that's where I stand at the end of day thirteen. Not a completely broken man, not Superman either, but rather a recovering alcoholic on the mend. I actually feel comfortable with that statement.
I have read a lot of posts here on SR over the weekend as I find that it keeps me feeling good. I have read a few posts where some people have relapsed - all I can say is get back on the bicycle, try again and hang in there. It really does get better as each day goes by. The deal we have to make with ourselves is as simple as this - I will not drink today (plan). How do we do this - baby steps. One day, one hour and if all else fails one minute at a time (method).
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
You are an inspiration. I can see your engineers rationality peering through every ounce of your recovery. A tip of the hat to you. As to the emotion and marital side, I challenge you with this: how can you ever undo the past? Once you fully reconcile this, I believe you will not only realize but believe within your gut that only your future deeds, actions and thoughts matter. Your past will serve as your guide - only where you never want to be again. Anger, hatred, resentment against coworkers, your wife, God, the world.....those emotions will always creep in. I try to measure myself now on how quickly I recover from those thoughts and embrace that they do nothing for my recovery. And if for one second I suspend my ego and posit that I can't control others, just myself, it disappates my emotions.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Originally Posted by DrunkTx
You are an inspiration. I can see your engineers rationality peering through every ounce of your recovery. A tip of the hat to you. As to the emotion and marital side, I challenge you with this: how can you ever undo the past? Once you fully reconcile this, I believe you will not only realize but believe within your gut that only your future deeds, actions and thoughts matter. Your past will serve as your guide - only where you never want to be again. Anger, hatred, resentment against coworkers, your wife, God, the world.....those emotions will always creep in. I try to measure myself now on how quickly I recover from those thoughts and embrace that they do nothing for my recovery. And if for one second I suspend my ego and posit that I can't control others, just myself, it disappates my emotions.
Thanks for the challenge. I cant remember if I have alluded to this before, but it is something that I am working on.
Cheers
ZAB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Morning all,
Well it is the start of day fourteen for me. I made it through the unlucky (for some) number thirteen with minimal hassles.
Physically, I feel great this morning. Sleep seems to be coming easier now. I am able to drop off almost at will. I woke after two hours last night, but turned over and dropped straight off for another four hours. It seems as though I am finally getting the edge on the insomnia monster. The convulsions were also absent last night. I hope they are gone now too. I did not wake with a headache, but it did start to creep in after my bath. I suspect that this is another symptom that is now on its way out. I took something for it just in case. The burning under the skin on the side of my face is still a numbness this morning. So from now on I will refer to it as that. It is just noticeable. The hand shakes are here this morning, but as sated in an earlier post, I really have to look for them.
Mentally, I am as sharp as a tack. I have already managed to finish a huge load of work this morning, and I have only been here two hours. My mind is clear and focused yet again. I think the rate of improvement will now slow down rapidly so that the change will not be as noticeable without really sitting down and thinking about it.
Emotionally, I am in a reasonably good place this morning. I alluded to it last night when I said that I might have been wrong with my initial premise that the moods were not caused by the AV. The more I have read some of the AA literature and the more thought I have given to it, I must conclude that some of these emotions are indeed caused by the AV. Let's see, we have pride, anger, greed, lust and envy. If I think back to my emotions last week, I could put each emotion within one of the categories mentioned above. To further test this, I have been using a tool called AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) for the last two days, to cope when hit by an influx of emotion. In my case, 99% of the time the emotion evaporates within seconds by using the abovementioned tool. This is not to say that all the emotions are caused by the AV, but a large percentile of them are for me at this stage of recovery. I understand that it is a trick to get us to feel sorry for ourselves. When we feel sorry for ourselves, it is very easy for the AV to convince us to take that drink. We feel sorry and blame someone innocent for reverting back to drink - look what you made me do. You drove me back to drink by not caring. Sound familiar?
Through reading and some research, I have learnt that we need to guard against certain thoughts and emotions. I am not going to throw the BB(Big Book) at people. I do believe that there is much good therein. I do like the principals of combating pride, anger, lust, greed and envy with their counterpart emotions/actions. In doing this the last two days, coupled with AVRT, I have managed to banish those emotions fairly quickly that were induced by the AV. I did not realise how close I was to setting myself up for a future failure.
So, enough seriousness for a Monday morning. I am sure we will all have enough of that at work.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers
ZAB
Well it is the start of day fourteen for me. I made it through the unlucky (for some) number thirteen with minimal hassles.
Physically, I feel great this morning. Sleep seems to be coming easier now. I am able to drop off almost at will. I woke after two hours last night, but turned over and dropped straight off for another four hours. It seems as though I am finally getting the edge on the insomnia monster. The convulsions were also absent last night. I hope they are gone now too. I did not wake with a headache, but it did start to creep in after my bath. I suspect that this is another symptom that is now on its way out. I took something for it just in case. The burning under the skin on the side of my face is still a numbness this morning. So from now on I will refer to it as that. It is just noticeable. The hand shakes are here this morning, but as sated in an earlier post, I really have to look for them.
Mentally, I am as sharp as a tack. I have already managed to finish a huge load of work this morning, and I have only been here two hours. My mind is clear and focused yet again. I think the rate of improvement will now slow down rapidly so that the change will not be as noticeable without really sitting down and thinking about it.
Emotionally, I am in a reasonably good place this morning. I alluded to it last night when I said that I might have been wrong with my initial premise that the moods were not caused by the AV. The more I have read some of the AA literature and the more thought I have given to it, I must conclude that some of these emotions are indeed caused by the AV. Let's see, we have pride, anger, greed, lust and envy. If I think back to my emotions last week, I could put each emotion within one of the categories mentioned above. To further test this, I have been using a tool called AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) for the last two days, to cope when hit by an influx of emotion. In my case, 99% of the time the emotion evaporates within seconds by using the abovementioned tool. This is not to say that all the emotions are caused by the AV, but a large percentile of them are for me at this stage of recovery. I understand that it is a trick to get us to feel sorry for ourselves. When we feel sorry for ourselves, it is very easy for the AV to convince us to take that drink. We feel sorry and blame someone innocent for reverting back to drink - look what you made me do. You drove me back to drink by not caring. Sound familiar?
Through reading and some research, I have learnt that we need to guard against certain thoughts and emotions. I am not going to throw the BB(Big Book) at people. I do believe that there is much good therein. I do like the principals of combating pride, anger, lust, greed and envy with their counterpart emotions/actions. In doing this the last two days, coupled with AVRT, I have managed to banish those emotions fairly quickly that were induced by the AV. I did not realise how close I was to setting myself up for a future failure.
So, enough seriousness for a Monday morning. I am sure we will all have enough of that at work.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers
ZAB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Evening all,
Well I have reached the end of day fourteen. Two whole weeks and two weekends sober.
Physically, I am a little tired. The fatigue hit me at about 14:00 today. So I am going to try going to sleep a little earlier. I am doing a lot of walking at work. I know that it's not running, but walking strengthens the muscles you need for running, so I feel it is not a lost cause. The numbness under my skin on the side of my face is there. It seems to grow the more tired I get. I had a headache when I got home, so I took something for it. I am making progress here as I only took headache powders twice today. The hand shakes are there, they also seem grow in proportion to how tired I am.
Mentally, it was a good day. I managed to complete more work than what I had planned for. This is great as I have caught up most of the work that I didn't do when I was drinking. It is also allowing me to draw ahead slightly, which gives me more free time to read the posts here on SR. I do find my thoughts drifting from time to time, but it does not require the huge amount of effort to drag them back into focus as it did when I was drinking. On some days while I was drinking, I could barely sign my name, never mind sign a drawing off. Concentration is also good, and I seem to be able to focus for longer periods each time.
Emotionally, it has been a mostly stable day. I did have some down moments towards the end of my day. I think that could mainly be as a result of the T out of HALT - tiredness. The emotions did stabilize after I got home, had a cigarette and my relaxing bath. I think it is another point in favor of my argument this morning that some of these emotions are the direct work of the AV. Especially if you can put it in the self pity box.
I almost made another fatal mistake today. I did not pay attention to the H from HALT - hunger. Although I was hungry today, I did not eat. For some reason, I just put it off. In doing this the AV was very active today. Luckily I could use AVRT to banish it, but it was not pleasant having the AV ride me the whole day. I made sure that I had a big dinner and that seems to have stopped the AV for now.
So I have learnt some valuable lessons today. This is something I need to take note of and pay special attention to from now on. I think that now that most of the withdrawal symptoms have gone, the real battle begins. I still do not have a physical craving for the alcohol, but I can see that it is now becoming a mental and emotional battle. I finished my book - there is a monkey in my shoulder and have started with - A mans way through the twelve steps. Again, it is AA centered and focuses on fellowship and meetings. There is still some great advice and it is a good read.
Anyways, have a good one people.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well I have reached the end of day fourteen. Two whole weeks and two weekends sober.
Physically, I am a little tired. The fatigue hit me at about 14:00 today. So I am going to try going to sleep a little earlier. I am doing a lot of walking at work. I know that it's not running, but walking strengthens the muscles you need for running, so I feel it is not a lost cause. The numbness under my skin on the side of my face is there. It seems to grow the more tired I get. I had a headache when I got home, so I took something for it. I am making progress here as I only took headache powders twice today. The hand shakes are there, they also seem grow in proportion to how tired I am.
Mentally, it was a good day. I managed to complete more work than what I had planned for. This is great as I have caught up most of the work that I didn't do when I was drinking. It is also allowing me to draw ahead slightly, which gives me more free time to read the posts here on SR. I do find my thoughts drifting from time to time, but it does not require the huge amount of effort to drag them back into focus as it did when I was drinking. On some days while I was drinking, I could barely sign my name, never mind sign a drawing off. Concentration is also good, and I seem to be able to focus for longer periods each time.
Emotionally, it has been a mostly stable day. I did have some down moments towards the end of my day. I think that could mainly be as a result of the T out of HALT - tiredness. The emotions did stabilize after I got home, had a cigarette and my relaxing bath. I think it is another point in favor of my argument this morning that some of these emotions are the direct work of the AV. Especially if you can put it in the self pity box.
I almost made another fatal mistake today. I did not pay attention to the H from HALT - hunger. Although I was hungry today, I did not eat. For some reason, I just put it off. In doing this the AV was very active today. Luckily I could use AVRT to banish it, but it was not pleasant having the AV ride me the whole day. I made sure that I had a big dinner and that seems to have stopped the AV for now.
So I have learnt some valuable lessons today. This is something I need to take note of and pay special attention to from now on. I think that now that most of the withdrawal symptoms have gone, the real battle begins. I still do not have a physical craving for the alcohol, but I can see that it is now becoming a mental and emotional battle. I finished my book - there is a monkey in my shoulder and have started with - A mans way through the twelve steps. Again, it is AA centered and focuses on fellowship and meetings. There is still some great advice and it is a good read.
Anyways, have a good one people.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by JaneLane
Zab Congratulations on day 14 and thank you for continuing to share your journey :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by saoutchik
Well done Zab, I saw that Sean Penn film (the Gunman). As well as him it had Idris Elba and Mark Ryland so it should have been good but I agree with you, it was pretty disappointing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Morning all,
Well I have reached the start of day fifteen. One step closer to my initial goal of twenty one days.
Physically, I feel fine this morning. I seem to have beaten the insomnia monster off for the past two days. Sleep comes easier now. I still wake up before the alarm clock. It seems that my bodies internal clock overrides all other clocks. This is not a bad thing though. I have not had the convulsions for a few days now. So I think that I have made it through that horrible phase of recovery. The hand shakes are so barely perceptible that even I am battling to see it now. I woke without a headache, but it did return as I was taking my morning vitamin supplement. I suspect, that this symptom too is on its way out. The numbness under the skin on my cheek is still here, but is so feint that I hardly notice it. Another good sign. Appetite is here this morning in full force. Another good sign.
Mentally, I feel good this morning. The head is clear. The mind is sharp. The concentration is here. I have started playing online chess to occupy my mind a little more and to get all the synapsis firing. I cant comment yet whether it is working as it is too early, but I think that there may be some benefit to this. I am still reading and absorbing copious amounts of information with regards to this illness, but I feel that I may be overdoing that at the moment. So the chess is a welcome reprieve. My spelling seems to be getting better, I don't have to use the spell check as much anymore.
Emotionally, the day started well. I do expect bad patches through the day. I have come to the conclusion that this is normal at this stage. The physical symptoms of the withdrawal are mostly gone, so the AV is now using my emotions against me. I am able to apply logic against this most of the time, where that does not help AVRT seems to work.
I have read a lot about the AA and their twelve steps. I am not sure this is for me though. Although I agree with most of the principals and do believe that there is good in their philosophy, I am not convinced about the break down to remake principal. Anyone who is familiar with army training would be very familiar with this. In the army, they break you down completely in order to re-build you so that you function as a cohesive unit. It is not the most pleasant of undertakings to participate in. While I don't believe that the AA is as sinister as the army, I just don't think that it is for me.
I do not have any aversion to a higher power or anything like that. My problem is that my brain is too analytical. I will definitely re-read the books that I have that form the basis of the AA teachings, as there is much good therein. I will always keep those principals and use them as part of ammunition in my armoury to combat this horrible disease. They, however, will not be the only ammunition that I will employ. I think the more ammunition you have the better for you. I have been looking at SMART. Although, I don't have too much knowledge at this point, and still need to research it some more, I do believe that this is more inline with my character and way of thinking.
This is not to say that AA does not work, or that is bad or anything like that. I am saying that we need to use whatever works best for us. I believe that if we took the principals of all the different organisations out there and put them together, we would have a very effective armoury indeed.
So this is the morning of day fifteen for me. I am as well as I can possibly expect to be with all things considered. I will not drink today. I will do my best to face this day and all the challenges that it brings as a good person. I do not promise not to get cross. I do not promise not to get upset. I do however promise, that I will try to enjoy those little moments of sunshine and fulfilment that pass my way to the fullest.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well I have reached the start of day fifteen. One step closer to my initial goal of twenty one days.
Physically, I feel fine this morning. I seem to have beaten the insomnia monster off for the past two days. Sleep comes easier now. I still wake up before the alarm clock. It seems that my bodies internal clock overrides all other clocks. This is not a bad thing though. I have not had the convulsions for a few days now. So I think that I have made it through that horrible phase of recovery. The hand shakes are so barely perceptible that even I am battling to see it now. I woke without a headache, but it did return as I was taking my morning vitamin supplement. I suspect, that this symptom too is on its way out. The numbness under the skin on my cheek is still here, but is so feint that I hardly notice it. Another good sign. Appetite is here this morning in full force. Another good sign.
Mentally, I feel good this morning. The head is clear. The mind is sharp. The concentration is here. I have started playing online chess to occupy my mind a little more and to get all the synapsis firing. I cant comment yet whether it is working as it is too early, but I think that there may be some benefit to this. I am still reading and absorbing copious amounts of information with regards to this illness, but I feel that I may be overdoing that at the moment. So the chess is a welcome reprieve. My spelling seems to be getting better, I don't have to use the spell check as much anymore.
Emotionally, the day started well. I do expect bad patches through the day. I have come to the conclusion that this is normal at this stage. The physical symptoms of the withdrawal are mostly gone, so the AV is now using my emotions against me. I am able to apply logic against this most of the time, where that does not help AVRT seems to work.
I have read a lot about the AA and their twelve steps. I am not sure this is for me though. Although I agree with most of the principals and do believe that there is good in their philosophy, I am not convinced about the break down to remake principal. Anyone who is familiar with army training would be very familiar with this. In the army, they break you down completely in order to re-build you so that you function as a cohesive unit. It is not the most pleasant of undertakings to participate in. While I don't believe that the AA is as sinister as the army, I just don't think that it is for me.
I do not have any aversion to a higher power or anything like that. My problem is that my brain is too analytical. I will definitely re-read the books that I have that form the basis of the AA teachings, as there is much good therein. I will always keep those principals and use them as part of ammunition in my armoury to combat this horrible disease. They, however, will not be the only ammunition that I will employ. I think the more ammunition you have the better for you. I have been looking at SMART. Although, I don't have too much knowledge at this point, and still need to research it some more, I do believe that this is more inline with my character and way of thinking.
This is not to say that AA does not work, or that is bad or anything like that. I am saying that we need to use whatever works best for us. I believe that if we took the principals of all the different organisations out there and put them together, we would have a very effective armoury indeed.
So this is the morning of day fifteen for me. I am as well as I can possibly expect to be with all things considered. I will not drink today. I will do my best to face this day and all the challenges that it brings as a good person. I do not promise not to get cross. I do not promise not to get upset. I do however promise, that I will try to enjoy those little moments of sunshine and fulfilment that pass my way to the fullest.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Edcat
Keep it going ZAB, I'm hoping to be in your position in 12 and a bit days 
Cheers
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by thomas11
Hi ZAB, what does "ta" mean? is it a south african thing?
well done on 2 weeks zab, and keep right on writing - wonderful stuff
TA!
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