2 Days in (48 Hours)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Hi all,
Well it is the end of day nine for me.
Physically, I am buggered. I have been battling fatigue since 13:00 this afternoon. The insomnia really does take it out of you. I am only just managing to keep my eyes open to write this entry. So hopefully tonight is going to be the night I get a good sleep in. The hand shakes seem to be gone this evening - good sign. The burning sensation under the skin on my left cheek is still there, although it is not disturbing me in anyway. I expect that it will start to fade more slowly now. I did not have any brain mist today, so I suspect that I am now over that hurdle too. I had a headache when I got home, but have taken something for it. I suspect that I am getting the headaches due to lack of sleep. Other than these few niggles, I feel great.
Mentally it was a great day. Even with the fatigue I was able to get a full day's work in. My work mainly involves concentration of some sort. I am able to debate with confidence and to convince people with my clear thought out arguments. This is a great feeling compared to how I have been for the last while when drinking. Memory is returning in leaps and bound which is fantastic.
Emotionally the day has been a bit of a roller coaster. It started out calm but I had my ups and downs. It was not as melancholy as yesterday, but it did have its dark moments. For the most part I was able to joke and rib my colleagues and that felt good. It does wonders for the moral and the confidence.
I ate well again today. Lunch and dinner. I have never been much of a breakfast person, but I think I should try. I didn't smoke so much today, mainly because I use my silver cigar. I smoke it in my office and no one has given me any trouble about it. So I think that I am going to try and use that more to give up smoking while I am at it. I have developed a sweet tooth and now need to control my chocolate intake. I still drink copious amounts of water. I avoid soda type cool drinks. I limit my coffee to three cups per day. I have taken to drinking camomile tea before bed. I am hoping that it will relax/soothe me and chase the insomnia monster away.
I spent a fair bit of my spare time reading posts here on SR today. To me it seems as if many new members joined in just today than in the whole nine days combined that I have been a member. Maybe I was not as observant then as I am now.
All things considered, I am in a better place now than where I was when I joined. For that I am honestly grateful. I think now the really hard part of the journey begins. I am not sure what that entails yet other than some vague comments from various friends about healing myself. Even then, I am not too sure what that means. I do know that there are many steps in this journey that have to be taken. What they are - I don't know. I will find out as I go along - one day at a time. There were some books mentioned in the posts today - to those who mentioned them, thank you. I bought them and plan on reading them soon.
Anyway, let's hope the insomnia monster stays away tonight.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well it is the end of day nine for me.
Physically, I am buggered. I have been battling fatigue since 13:00 this afternoon. The insomnia really does take it out of you. I am only just managing to keep my eyes open to write this entry. So hopefully tonight is going to be the night I get a good sleep in. The hand shakes seem to be gone this evening - good sign. The burning sensation under the skin on my left cheek is still there, although it is not disturbing me in anyway. I expect that it will start to fade more slowly now. I did not have any brain mist today, so I suspect that I am now over that hurdle too. I had a headache when I got home, but have taken something for it. I suspect that I am getting the headaches due to lack of sleep. Other than these few niggles, I feel great.
Mentally it was a great day. Even with the fatigue I was able to get a full day's work in. My work mainly involves concentration of some sort. I am able to debate with confidence and to convince people with my clear thought out arguments. This is a great feeling compared to how I have been for the last while when drinking. Memory is returning in leaps and bound which is fantastic.
Emotionally the day has been a bit of a roller coaster. It started out calm but I had my ups and downs. It was not as melancholy as yesterday, but it did have its dark moments. For the most part I was able to joke and rib my colleagues and that felt good. It does wonders for the moral and the confidence.
I ate well again today. Lunch and dinner. I have never been much of a breakfast person, but I think I should try. I didn't smoke so much today, mainly because I use my silver cigar. I smoke it in my office and no one has given me any trouble about it. So I think that I am going to try and use that more to give up smoking while I am at it. I have developed a sweet tooth and now need to control my chocolate intake. I still drink copious amounts of water. I avoid soda type cool drinks. I limit my coffee to three cups per day. I have taken to drinking camomile tea before bed. I am hoping that it will relax/soothe me and chase the insomnia monster away.
I spent a fair bit of my spare time reading posts here on SR today. To me it seems as if many new members joined in just today than in the whole nine days combined that I have been a member. Maybe I was not as observant then as I am now.
All things considered, I am in a better place now than where I was when I joined. For that I am honestly grateful. I think now the really hard part of the journey begins. I am not sure what that entails yet other than some vague comments from various friends about healing myself. Even then, I am not too sure what that means. I do know that there are many steps in this journey that have to be taken. What they are - I don't know. I will find out as I go along - one day at a time. There were some books mentioned in the posts today - to those who mentioned them, thank you. I bought them and plan on reading them soon.
Anyway, let's hope the insomnia monster stays away tonight.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 15,314
Hi ZaB,
I wouldn't worry too much about about controlling your chocolate intake. I was the same in wanting chocolate/cakes/ice cream etc, it's just a sugar craving which lots of us long time boozers get in early withdrawal.
It wears off in a couple of months of its own accord so in my opinion you're better of eating what you want to start with and just focus on staying off the booze (after all that's hard enough)
I think you are doing really well ZaB, hats off to you
I wouldn't worry too much about about controlling your chocolate intake. I was the same in wanting chocolate/cakes/ice cream etc, it's just a sugar craving which lots of us long time boozers get in early withdrawal.
It wears off in a couple of months of its own accord so in my opinion you're better of eating what you want to start with and just focus on staying off the booze (after all that's hard enough)
I think you are doing really well ZaB, hats off to you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
Hi Zab, I have been following your journey and thank you for posting each.day. it helps me and others more than you know.
For sleep, a natural remedy is Melatonin, which can be bought a any pharmacy or health store.
As for general uneasiness, headaches, shakes, cramps,. take some Magnesium.
Also, since Alcohol robs us of potassium, so do eat a banana a day.
You are doing great!
For sleep, a natural remedy is Melatonin, which can be bought a any pharmacy or health store.
As for general uneasiness, headaches, shakes, cramps,. take some Magnesium.
Also, since Alcohol robs us of potassium, so do eat a banana a day.
You are doing great!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Posts: 39
The melatonin has worked wonders with my troublesome sleep. I take one about an hour before I want to sleep and then read a book in bed until I doze off. Great stuff.
Nice job on getting through 9 days!
Nice job on getting through 9 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
Hi ZaB,
I wouldn't worry too much about about controlling your chocolate intake. I was the same in wanting chocolate/cakes/ice cream etc, it's just a sugar craving which lots of us long time boozers get in early withdrawal.
It wears off in a couple of months of its own accord so in my opinion you're better of eating what you want to start with and just focus on staying off the booze (after all that's hard enough)
I think you are doing really well ZaB, hats off to you
I wouldn't worry too much about about controlling your chocolate intake. I was the same in wanting chocolate/cakes/ice cream etc, it's just a sugar craving which lots of us long time boozers get in early withdrawal.
It wears off in a couple of months of its own accord so in my opinion you're better of eating what you want to start with and just focus on staying off the booze (after all that's hard enough)
I think you are doing really well ZaB, hats off to you
I could not have done it without the advice and support of the people here on SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by StormiNormi
Hi Zab, I have been following your journey and thank you for posting each.day. it helps me and others more than you know.
For sleep, a natural remedy is Melatonin, which can be bought a any pharmacy or health store.
As for general uneasiness, headaches, shakes, cramps,. take some Magnesium.
Also, since Alcohol robs us of potassium, so do eat a banana a day.
You are doing great!
For sleep, a natural remedy is Melatonin, which can be bought a any pharmacy or health store.
As for general uneasiness, headaches, shakes, cramps,. take some Magnesium.
Also, since Alcohol robs us of potassium, so do eat a banana a day.
You are doing great!
I take a multi vitamin that has loads of potassium and magnesium, but I will look at getting some bananas into my diet.
Thanks for the heads up on the Melatonin. I will definitely have a look into it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by soberseedling
The melatonin has worked wonders with my troublesome sleep. I take one about an hour before I want to sleep and then read a book in bed until I doze off. Great stuff.
Nice job on getting through 9 days!
Nice job on getting through 9 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Hi all,
Well it is the beginning of day ten for me.
Physically, I am finished. The insomnia monster was my constant companion through the night. The hand shakes are barely perceptible this morning. The burning sensation under my skin on the side of my face is there, but I expect that it will fade much more slowly now. The brain mist is not here again this morning, so I will not mention it again unless it comes back. It is almost as if my body and the AV have ganged up against me to coerce me into taking that next drink. I know I will not, but they still have to see that.
Mentally, I am clear and focused. I am able to do arithmetic in my head. This is a great feeling. I am able to think on my feet and can adapt my thinking and strategy to meet the requirement of the task at hand. My memory is coming back.
Emotionally, I am not sure where I stand. I started this morning in a dark place, but by the time I got to work I was emotionally void.
I know that I have reached the stage in my journey where I need to start dealing with the emotional issues. The further I progress down this road, the more I realize that abstinence is the easy part. It is easy to abstain from the bottle. I have managed to do this through sheer will power and fear. The emotional turmoil left in the wake of our drinking is the hard part. I know I have to address these issues, but I don't know how. Where does one start? Forgiveness? How can we seek forgiveness if we are unable to forgive ourselves?
I think I could say that I am afraid. I am fearful. What do I fear? Fear of never drinking again? Fear of not being able to have fun without drinking? Fear of a failed marriage? Fear of the unknown road that lies ahead waiting for me?
Most of these fears are unfounded, but not all. I have enjoyed the few days that I have had of sobriety. I have reaped so many physical and mental benefits from sobriety. It is the emotional facet that brings fear. How does one mend the past?
They say one should start at the beginning. I cannot remember the beginning. It is so far back and shrouded in such dense fog that I am unable to pierce through it to see the starting line. I therefore cannot go back to the very beginning.
We can never fix the past. We can never undo the pain and hurt that we caused love ones with our drinking. Harsh words that can never be unsaid. Actions that can never be undone. Those things of our past were a different us. The drunk us. We have lost that time forever. This is the harsh reality of what our drinking has done to us.
I know that I have to make peace with this. It is not an easy thing to do with so many things that should have been said, but are left unsaid. There are so many things that should have been done, but are now left undone. I have a suspicion that our inability to cope with this guilt is what drives us to relapse. The guilt and pain get too much to handle. We don't know how to deal with it and seek solace within the bottle. This only releases the demon again and we are back on the hamster wheel and cannot get off.
I do not know what the future holds. I wish I could say that it would be rosy and that everything would work out just the way I planned. I suspect that this will not be the case. I think that we will be dealt difficult challenges as we progress down this journey of sobriety. As difficult as these challenges are, I do not think that they will be beyond us. They might seem so, but I believe that they are there to make us stronger.
I do not have the answers. I do not know the way. I am in the dark. I have found the lantern, now I need to find the match that I can strike to light it. When I have the light, I can find the path that I need to travel so that I might heal myself. While I scratch and fumble around on the floor in the darkness, I must cling to the only thing I have left - my sobriety.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers
ZAB
Well it is the beginning of day ten for me.
Physically, I am finished. The insomnia monster was my constant companion through the night. The hand shakes are barely perceptible this morning. The burning sensation under my skin on the side of my face is there, but I expect that it will fade much more slowly now. The brain mist is not here again this morning, so I will not mention it again unless it comes back. It is almost as if my body and the AV have ganged up against me to coerce me into taking that next drink. I know I will not, but they still have to see that.
Mentally, I am clear and focused. I am able to do arithmetic in my head. This is a great feeling. I am able to think on my feet and can adapt my thinking and strategy to meet the requirement of the task at hand. My memory is coming back.
Emotionally, I am not sure where I stand. I started this morning in a dark place, but by the time I got to work I was emotionally void.
I know that I have reached the stage in my journey where I need to start dealing with the emotional issues. The further I progress down this road, the more I realize that abstinence is the easy part. It is easy to abstain from the bottle. I have managed to do this through sheer will power and fear. The emotional turmoil left in the wake of our drinking is the hard part. I know I have to address these issues, but I don't know how. Where does one start? Forgiveness? How can we seek forgiveness if we are unable to forgive ourselves?
I think I could say that I am afraid. I am fearful. What do I fear? Fear of never drinking again? Fear of not being able to have fun without drinking? Fear of a failed marriage? Fear of the unknown road that lies ahead waiting for me?
Most of these fears are unfounded, but not all. I have enjoyed the few days that I have had of sobriety. I have reaped so many physical and mental benefits from sobriety. It is the emotional facet that brings fear. How does one mend the past?
They say one should start at the beginning. I cannot remember the beginning. It is so far back and shrouded in such dense fog that I am unable to pierce through it to see the starting line. I therefore cannot go back to the very beginning.
We can never fix the past. We can never undo the pain and hurt that we caused love ones with our drinking. Harsh words that can never be unsaid. Actions that can never be undone. Those things of our past were a different us. The drunk us. We have lost that time forever. This is the harsh reality of what our drinking has done to us.
I know that I have to make peace with this. It is not an easy thing to do with so many things that should have been said, but are left unsaid. There are so many things that should have been done, but are now left undone. I have a suspicion that our inability to cope with this guilt is what drives us to relapse. The guilt and pain get too much to handle. We don't know how to deal with it and seek solace within the bottle. This only releases the demon again and we are back on the hamster wheel and cannot get off.
I do not know what the future holds. I wish I could say that it would be rosy and that everything would work out just the way I planned. I suspect that this will not be the case. I think that we will be dealt difficult challenges as we progress down this journey of sobriety. As difficult as these challenges are, I do not think that they will be beyond us. They might seem so, but I believe that they are there to make us stronger.
I do not have the answers. I do not know the way. I am in the dark. I have found the lantern, now I need to find the match that I can strike to light it. When I have the light, I can find the path that I need to travel so that I might heal myself. While I scratch and fumble around on the floor in the darkness, I must cling to the only thing I have left - my sobriety.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 12
Zab, after reading all your posts and the journey you have been through, I can say I am ready to give this whole thing a try. Very inspiring and I really pray that you will stay on this path. It sounds like you are on the road to becoming very happy again!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 35
hi ZaB,
I too have been following your thread and want to wish you all the best. It has been very courageous of you to share your journey the way you have and I applaud you for it. It seems that your physical symptoms of withdrawal are on their way out (hurrah!) but that sleeplessness just sounds awful. A wee suggestion from me, have you tried guided meditation to help you to relax and focus your thoughts before bed?
I have been lucky in my past withdrawals that the insomnia has only lasted a night or two, but the meditation really helped to calm me and my racing thoughts. There are many guided meditations on youtube as well as apps for your phone. One I love is by a guy called Glenn Harrold who actually uses hypnosis in his. Don't know if you can get him in SA but I am sure you will find something similar.
I quit a few weeks ago and haven't posted much (twice on the secular forums to be exact lol) I have just been way to busy because I have more energy in these last few weeks than I have had in years! I will get around to introducing myself to the rest of the forum soon though.
Thanks again for sharing your story with us, and good on you for giving up your way!
I too have been following your thread and want to wish you all the best. It has been very courageous of you to share your journey the way you have and I applaud you for it. It seems that your physical symptoms of withdrawal are on their way out (hurrah!) but that sleeplessness just sounds awful. A wee suggestion from me, have you tried guided meditation to help you to relax and focus your thoughts before bed?
I have been lucky in my past withdrawals that the insomnia has only lasted a night or two, but the meditation really helped to calm me and my racing thoughts. There are many guided meditations on youtube as well as apps for your phone. One I love is by a guy called Glenn Harrold who actually uses hypnosis in his. Don't know if you can get him in SA but I am sure you will find something similar.
I quit a few weeks ago and haven't posted much (twice on the secular forums to be exact lol) I have just been way to busy because I have more energy in these last few weeks than I have had in years! I will get around to introducing myself to the rest of the forum soon though.
Thanks again for sharing your story with us, and good on you for giving up your way!
Last edited by marie5465; 04-16-2015 at 03:23 AM. Reason: did that 'there, their' thing, oops!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by boliver123
Zab, after reading all your posts and the journey you have been through, I can say I am ready to give this whole thing a try. Very inspiring and I really pray that you will stay on this path. It sounds like you are on the road to becoming very happy again!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by marie5465
hi ZaB,
I too have been following your thread and want to wish you all the best. It has been very courageous of you to share your journey the way you have and I applaud you for it. It seems that your physical symptoms of withdrawal are on their way out (hurrah!) but that sleeplessness just sounds awful. A wee suggestion from me, have you tried guided meditation to help you to relax and focus your thoughts before bed?
I have been lucky in my past withdrawals that the insomnia has only lasted a night or two, but the meditation really helped to calm me and my racing thoughts. There are many guided meditations on youtube as well as apps for your phone. One I love is by a guy called Glenn Harrold who actually uses hypnosis in his. Don't know if you can get him in SA but I am sure you will find something similar.
I quit a few weeks ago and haven't posted much (twice on the secular forums to be exact lol) I have just been way to busy because I have more energy in these last few weeks than I have had in years! I will get around to introducing myself to the rest of the forum soon though.
Thanks again for sharing your story with us, and good on you for giving up your way!
I too have been following your thread and want to wish you all the best. It has been very courageous of you to share your journey the way you have and I applaud you for it. It seems that your physical symptoms of withdrawal are on their way out (hurrah!) but that sleeplessness just sounds awful. A wee suggestion from me, have you tried guided meditation to help you to relax and focus your thoughts before bed?
I have been lucky in my past withdrawals that the insomnia has only lasted a night or two, but the meditation really helped to calm me and my racing thoughts. There are many guided meditations on youtube as well as apps for your phone. One I love is by a guy called Glenn Harrold who actually uses hypnosis in his. Don't know if you can get him in SA but I am sure you will find something similar.
I quit a few weeks ago and haven't posted much (twice on the secular forums to be exact lol) I have just been way to busy because I have more energy in these last few weeks than I have had in years! I will get around to introducing myself to the rest of the forum soon though.
Thanks again for sharing your story with us, and good on you for giving up your way!
As an aside, I would not advise anyone to give up like I did. I only found out the consequences after the fact from my geneticist buddy (she used to work with detox and that sort of stuff). She blew a gasket when I told her what I went through on that first evening. Apparently I should have been in a detox centre under medical supervision. If I knew that beforehand, I would definitely have gone and got medical advice. The other cardinal rule that I broke - I did it alone. Definitely not the safest or wisest thing to do.
Congratulations on your sobriety. It really is a different feeling. You will find the people here on SR are most helpful and supportive. You will also find that you are not alone on your journey and that there are many people that have experienced the similar, if not the same experiences as you.
All in your own good time. Don't be a stranger and keep visiting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
Good day Zab, there is a line in the Big Book which reads, "We no longer regret the past, nor wish to close the door on it" that is one of the many promises of sobriety I hold onto.
The biggest hurdle is getting there.
I believe Step 4 lifts some of that burden and step 9/is where we find freedom.
If you are not into AA, then Hazeldean publishing has a tremendous amount of non AA resources. One I bought for my husband is "12 Steps for Men" as both book and study guide. They also have one for women.
You can order direct from their website.
The biggest hurdle is getting there.
I believe Step 4 lifts some of that burden and step 9/is where we find freedom.
If you are not into AA, then Hazeldean publishing has a tremendous amount of non AA resources. One I bought for my husband is "12 Steps for Men" as both book and study guide. They also have one for women.
You can order direct from their website.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by StormiNormi
Good day Zab, there is a line in the Big Book which reads, "We no longer regret the past, nor wish to close the door on it" that is one of the many promises of sobriety I hold onto. The biggest hurdle is getting there. I believe Step 4 lifts some of that burden and step 9/is where we find freedom. If you are not into AA, then Hazeldean publishing has a tremendous amount of non AA resources. One I bought for my husband is "12 Steps for Men" as both book and study guide. They also have one for women. You can order direct from their website.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Hi all,
Well I have reached the end of day ten. Thanks for the feedback posts. It really made my day to know that there are people following this post. I had no idea as I don't see any statistics on my iPad. I tried to get the melatonin tablets - discontinued in SA apparently. Instead they gave something called beta-sleep. It has valerian, Passion flower and hops in it. Now, anyone who knows anything about brewing beer, or home brewing knows about hops. It is used to bring bitterness, flavor and aroma to the beer. I was a very serious home brewer. So I am going to give them a spin and see how they go.
So, I am sitting in bed vaping on my silver cigar, sipping my camomile tea and wondering what to say.
Physically, I am now beyond the point of finished. I have been suffering from fatigue from 10:00 this morning already. I have had the headache from hell the whole day. Nothing I have taken for it seems to work. It is only starting to go now that I am in bed. I have added a new tablet to my arsenal, milkthistle. This is a natural herb that helps with liver rejuvenation. I used to take it when I was drinking and it always took the liver and kidney pain away. I happened to glance in the mirror today and am pleased to say that my complexion is clearing up and the color is returning to my face. The burning sensation is still there. The hand shakes are just perceivable. Other than these last few maladies, all the other WD symptoms are gone. I now suspect that the headaches are due to the lack of sleep and fatigue.
Mentally it was another great day. Even being this tired, I can still function in tip top shape. Well it is tip top shape compared to when I was drinking. I am starting to enjoy my work again. This is something that has been lacking for many years. I have received some startling comments from some of my senior colleagues who are not in know to the affect of "where have you been all these years?". It definitely made me think about how booze actually dulls the brain. I have become more attentive. I was able to listen, without interrupting, to my smoking buddies account of her accident. Now the guys out there, would know that we only want you ladies to get to the point. Well, I suppose it is like that when you drink, you do not have the time or the patience to listen, really listen to what a person of the opposite sex is telling you. Another regret from when I was drinking.
Emotionally, it has been a so so day. Not as down as the other day, but not chipper. I have received some great suggestions for books, not just in this thread, but on other posts today. I have bought them all for my kindle and as soon as I finish my current book, I shall start with those.
I am quite chuffed with myself. I have just finished the last smoke out of my box that I opened this morning. Mind you, I did not smoke them all as my smoking buddy ran out. So I was sharing with her. I ate like a pig again today. Two pies for lunch, soup and toast for dinner and ice cream for desert. Mind you, I was very good with the chocolate tonight. I am also finding that I am down to two NA beers a night, then I switch to water. This is a pleasant surprise for me.
I still do not experience any physical cravings for alcohol. I have had the AV a few times, but it is so brief that I hardly notice it. It may be that I am so embroiled in this emotional turmoil at the moment that I am just not noticing it. If this is the case, then I am grateful for that. From what I have read in some of the posts, the AV seems to be constantly bothering some poor souls. I don't know why that is. Maybe I just drank myself to saturation? I don't really know. What I do know is that I am grateful not to have cravings and not to be constantly bothered by the AV. I am grateful to still be alive today and not to have pissed my life away before my own eyes.
As always, be safe and be strong
Cheers,
ZAB
Well I have reached the end of day ten. Thanks for the feedback posts. It really made my day to know that there are people following this post. I had no idea as I don't see any statistics on my iPad. I tried to get the melatonin tablets - discontinued in SA apparently. Instead they gave something called beta-sleep. It has valerian, Passion flower and hops in it. Now, anyone who knows anything about brewing beer, or home brewing knows about hops. It is used to bring bitterness, flavor and aroma to the beer. I was a very serious home brewer. So I am going to give them a spin and see how they go.
So, I am sitting in bed vaping on my silver cigar, sipping my camomile tea and wondering what to say.
Physically, I am now beyond the point of finished. I have been suffering from fatigue from 10:00 this morning already. I have had the headache from hell the whole day. Nothing I have taken for it seems to work. It is only starting to go now that I am in bed. I have added a new tablet to my arsenal, milkthistle. This is a natural herb that helps with liver rejuvenation. I used to take it when I was drinking and it always took the liver and kidney pain away. I happened to glance in the mirror today and am pleased to say that my complexion is clearing up and the color is returning to my face. The burning sensation is still there. The hand shakes are just perceivable. Other than these last few maladies, all the other WD symptoms are gone. I now suspect that the headaches are due to the lack of sleep and fatigue.
Mentally it was another great day. Even being this tired, I can still function in tip top shape. Well it is tip top shape compared to when I was drinking. I am starting to enjoy my work again. This is something that has been lacking for many years. I have received some startling comments from some of my senior colleagues who are not in know to the affect of "where have you been all these years?". It definitely made me think about how booze actually dulls the brain. I have become more attentive. I was able to listen, without interrupting, to my smoking buddies account of her accident. Now the guys out there, would know that we only want you ladies to get to the point. Well, I suppose it is like that when you drink, you do not have the time or the patience to listen, really listen to what a person of the opposite sex is telling you. Another regret from when I was drinking.
Emotionally, it has been a so so day. Not as down as the other day, but not chipper. I have received some great suggestions for books, not just in this thread, but on other posts today. I have bought them all for my kindle and as soon as I finish my current book, I shall start with those.
I am quite chuffed with myself. I have just finished the last smoke out of my box that I opened this morning. Mind you, I did not smoke them all as my smoking buddy ran out. So I was sharing with her. I ate like a pig again today. Two pies for lunch, soup and toast for dinner and ice cream for desert. Mind you, I was very good with the chocolate tonight. I am also finding that I am down to two NA beers a night, then I switch to water. This is a pleasant surprise for me.
I still do not experience any physical cravings for alcohol. I have had the AV a few times, but it is so brief that I hardly notice it. It may be that I am so embroiled in this emotional turmoil at the moment that I am just not noticing it. If this is the case, then I am grateful for that. From what I have read in some of the posts, the AV seems to be constantly bothering some poor souls. I don't know why that is. Maybe I just drank myself to saturation? I don't really know. What I do know is that I am grateful not to have cravings and not to be constantly bothered by the AV. I am grateful to still be alive today and not to have pissed my life away before my own eyes.
As always, be safe and be strong
Cheers,
ZAB
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