Dealing with feelings of being left out and missing out
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Some amazing responses here, everyone above me has posted fantastic advice and shared great thoughts for you Bluehend. I hope a few of the responses give you that "ah-ha" moment.
As for my advice....you really aren't "missing out" on anything by not drinking at these events. You THINK you are missing out because every time you've gone to a Mexican restaurant in the past, you've had alcohol. And once you're drunk, it doesn't matter where you are. You could be stranded in Death Valley with vodka your canteen and you'd be playing footsie with the snakes and waving hello to the vultures. Having a grand ole' time.
Getting sober is really tough. Learning to become a sober adult and actually live your life is a completely different and equally complex battle. Don't worry too much about the 4th of July or your block party just yet. When the time comes, if you're still sober, you'll know what to do.
As for my advice....you really aren't "missing out" on anything by not drinking at these events. You THINK you are missing out because every time you've gone to a Mexican restaurant in the past, you've had alcohol. And once you're drunk, it doesn't matter where you are. You could be stranded in Death Valley with vodka your canteen and you'd be playing footsie with the snakes and waving hello to the vultures. Having a grand ole' time.
Getting sober is really tough. Learning to become a sober adult and actually live your life is a completely different and equally complex battle. Don't worry too much about the 4th of July or your block party just yet. When the time comes, if you're still sober, you'll know what to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 40
everybody ... thank you all so very much for your posts, I don't always have time lately to write back but I want you all to know I have cut and pasted so many of your words of wisdom to be reminded of on a regular basis, I can't tell you how grateful I am to all of you who contribute to helping me navigate my way out of this maze, blessings to all!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 97
Hi Bluhend, I can totally relate. I'm on day 9 and have already felt a difference in how many texts and phonecalls I get/don't get. A childhood friend has also cancelled our upcoming holiday after hearing of my sobriety (siting another excuse of course, but she was super excited before I told her...). So yes, I am literally missing out.
I've had a huge FOMO my whole life, fuelled by a traumatic experience in my teens. Ever since then I have been chasing a good time for fear of missing out. But what I've missed out on in the meantime - is good relationships with men who love and value me, dignity, self-esteem, good jobs and respect. I've missed out on a whole lot of living while I spend entire days eating junk food in front of the TV, being hungover and full of shame.
I remember near the end of my drinking (about a month ago), sitting in my local with my friends thinking soon I will be missing out on all of this. It was a busy chatty bar, I was having good conversation yadda yadda - but the person I was with would probably not be my friend if I didn't drink. If I had a bad time I'm not sure I could call them up and ask them to come over/listen to me. The chatty bar was a nice alternative to the silence I'd experience in my empty apartment, but is was an illusion of sorts and it was good to think about that while I was still drinking.
I think the key to this sobriety change is to focus intently on the life you're creating rather than the one you're leaving behind. That can seem like a big task (it's seeming like a big one to me) but it's also something to look forward to I guess.
The biggest thing I'm missing out on now - is the (almost daily) shame - and I don't miss that at all. Good luck to you - I know where you're coming from!
I've had a huge FOMO my whole life, fuelled by a traumatic experience in my teens. Ever since then I have been chasing a good time for fear of missing out. But what I've missed out on in the meantime - is good relationships with men who love and value me, dignity, self-esteem, good jobs and respect. I've missed out on a whole lot of living while I spend entire days eating junk food in front of the TV, being hungover and full of shame.
I remember near the end of my drinking (about a month ago), sitting in my local with my friends thinking soon I will be missing out on all of this. It was a busy chatty bar, I was having good conversation yadda yadda - but the person I was with would probably not be my friend if I didn't drink. If I had a bad time I'm not sure I could call them up and ask them to come over/listen to me. The chatty bar was a nice alternative to the silence I'd experience in my empty apartment, but is was an illusion of sorts and it was good to think about that while I was still drinking.
I think the key to this sobriety change is to focus intently on the life you're creating rather than the one you're leaving behind. That can seem like a big task (it's seeming like a big one to me) but it's also something to look forward to I guess.
The biggest thing I'm missing out on now - is the (almost daily) shame - and I don't miss that at all. Good luck to you - I know where you're coming from!
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