nowheretoturn8

Hello everybody. I am living a life of a functioning addict I guess. I am 22 and I have a young daughter. I have been in a very abusive relationship for three years. He also has supported my drug habit that I started shortly after I had my daughter. That would make it about two years now. My choice drug is Vicodin or Norco. I always took one when i woke up in the morning. Then again around noon. Then another around five. Then the last one around nine to help me sleep. I've been on that schedule for at least a year. Although, I did take Adderall for a short time which I really liked. Now my life has completely been torn apart. The drug habit has been a huge secret. I finally decided to get help after he beat me so badly that I had to go to the hospital. That was four days ago. Now I'm out and he is in jail. And since he is there, he is not supplying me anymore. So that leaves me here. At my house with my daughter alone and trying to hold it together. I can't go to rehab as I will lose my job and have nobody to watch my daughter during that time. I was getting meds in the hospital so im only technically on day 2. And i feel terrible. My head is pounding, It's almost making it hard to see straight and the constant ringing in my ears is killing me. I can't eat anything at all, and i have diarrhea and stomach pain that is making me even more sick. I think the depression is what is the worst. I have nothing and nobody to turn to. I feel miserable. I'm such a failure. Everybody around me is doing so good and here I am, a ******* stupid idiot. Not to mention, i still have to worry about him getting out of jail and what will happen when he finds me. I swear if I didn't have my precious daughter then I would have ended myself. So that's the short version of my mess..

Thepatman

This is a terrible spot. Can you possibly reach out for help with departments within your country. One things is sure, don't let that man 10k min from you and your daughter. Restraining orders is the way to go. And no contact, ever.

Concentrate on your little one, rooting for you both.

KeepTruckin

You are NOT a failure because you are here looking for help. Failures don't do that

That is a terrible spot to be in and I feel deeply for you. Are there any women's help groups you can reach out to? There are place you can look to for help with obtaining a restraining order and the same places would possibly be able to help set you up with some outpatient treatment. Or you could at least look for a local AA or NA meeting? There would be lots of in-person support and if you check on their websites there should be phone numbers of people to call to help you get started.

One thing you have going for you? You know that your life as it was was not healthy for you or your daughter and you are working to change that. That deserves a hug Stay strong and post here as much as you want. We'll be listening.

Duffster

Hi! And welcome to SR! I'm so sorry that you have found yourself in this predicament. Did you talk to a social worker while you were in the hospital? There must be some resources available to you so you don't have to deal with all of this by yourself. Did you tell the Drs or nurses about your addiction? They might be able to help with the withdrawals.

I know you feel horrible right now but getting clean is the single best thing you can do as a mother.

pocketpanda

I echo what Thepatman and KeepTruckin suggest. Especially the part about looking for a women's support center of some kind.

Coming here was the right thing to do. And not the actions of a failure! Please keep us posted.

Soberwolf

Welcome Nowheretoturn

nowheretoturn8

I did not tell anybody at the hospital about my addiction. I am embarrassed and afraid to go to an NA meeting.. What happens if I see somebody there? I'm afraid that it will jeopardize my job if I tell anybody.

Soberwolf

I suggest you dont mention any of this to anyone at work but do go to a mtn everyone will welcome you and youl feel better for it

you wont regret it bud

OnMyWay7

I'm so glad you're reaching out here. Please follow up on the restraining order. First make yourself and daughter as safe as possible.

And day 2 is great. You'll be over the physical stuff before you know it. Stay strong

KeepTruckin

The nice thing about seeing someone you know at a meeting would be that they probably don't want you to tell anyone you saw them there either Also, you could try to look for an "open" meeting, which is where friends and family are allowed and if you saw someone there that you knew, you could say you are listening to get support about a loved one who is struggling.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Nowheretoturn!!

nowheretoturn8

I'm so hungry. But everytime i try to eat, i just get sick when i see food. This is a terrible feeling.

Thepatman

Your body is preventing anything to come in, out of fear of it being Alcohol. Hydrate, just tiny sips on water or something with electrolytes like Gatorade.

If in doubt see your doctor. I know this is tough.

kzaug2014

This man beat you so bad that you were hospitalized for 2 days. 1st & foremost, I think you should find a protective women's shelter for you & your daughter ( try googling it. )

These type of men are all about control & I'm sure he loved the fact that he was your supplier ( another way besides beating you to control you. ) If you stay w/this man, the worst possibility is he kills you. The best possibility is he doesn't, but your daughter will grow up seeing this abuse & will never have the opportunity to know what a healthy relationship is. She will marry an abuser because that's all she knows.

I escaped an abusive marriage 21yrs. ago w/my 3 children & the clothing on my back. I left the home we owned & never went back there again. The shelter helped me out an attorney, found me a new townhouse & even paid for the deposit for me.

I had 2 babies in diapers & a 5yr. old daughter. I found a new job in the new city I moved to. I met a wonderful man just 4mos later, who raised all 3 of my children as his own & to whom I'm still married to today.

A shelter will also help w/counseling & may also help you to become clean ( many women drink or drug to escape & shelters know this. ) You are not worthless, no matter how much your abusive bf wants you to think you are! You just need to reach out. You can do this.

Hugs! Kz

Dee74

I'm very glad to hear he's in jail nowheretoturn8. That was a gutsy and brave move by you and an awesome one

Normally I tell people with pain pill withdrawal to tough it out and it will get better - but you have a young girl to consider as well.

I think seeing a Dr could really help you - but if you really feel that's not an option, is there someone in your life who can come stay with you and your daughter for a while perhaps?

D