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came clean to everyone

Old 04-05-2015, 11:21 AM
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came clean to everyone

By posting this on my Facebook page. I knew it was time to stop hiding


A good friend told me that the first step to making changes is honesty. Honesty is scary because you risk judgment and criticism. At this point, I can't worry about that. Maybe a public forum isn't the place for this but then again, maybe its the perfect place.

I have a drinking problem. People don't always think I do because I don't drink daily or get in trouble because of it. But it's a problem because I'm using it to mask issues that should be unmasked and faced.

I'm hurting so much right now and when I decide I'm tired of dealing with things, I choose to drink. And a hurting person who drinks hurts others. It comes out in my words and actions. And when I wake in the morning, I'm hurting more because I'm so aware that I, once again, made a choice that is wrong.

When I drink, I don't allow myself to grow and heal. When I drink, I allow hurts to fester and become worse. When i drink, I let others down and I let myself down.

I'm better than this and part of being an adult is realizing that bad things happen. Part of being grown is facing the hurts from others and owning up to mistakes.

So, I'm being honest. I'm removing the mask. I'm saying, "I have this problem and I'm doing what is necessary to move past it"

When I drink, my soul hurts. My heart aches. It's as if that part of me that is authentic is begging to be heard, to be held. I deny myself the care and nurturing I deserve.

I alone am responsible for the choices I make. I didnt always have a choice what happened to me but I very much so have a choice what I do with it.

There is someone amazing, strong, vulnerable and very human under all this mess. I want to get to know her. I want to do and be better.

This is my confession on a day of second chances. It seemed fitting.
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Old 04-05-2015, 11:25 AM
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Your honesty is commendable TS, thanks.
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Old 04-05-2015, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by TennantSmith View Post

When I drink, my soul hurts. My heart aches. It's as if that part of me that is authentic is begging to be heard, to be held. I deny myself the care and nurturing I deserve.
I really resonated with this part. Well said
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Old 04-05-2015, 11:31 AM
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Glad you posted and put this out. Rain in your heart I see. Well good news is that you are not alone and that there is a way out. With support and self work, I am sure you will succeed. Rooting for you
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Old 04-05-2015, 11:32 AM
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Different kind of drink problem to what I have. I'm a raging alcoholic and I'm almost 5 weeks dry. I know if I have one small sip of alcohol now I wouldn't stop..

Good luck with everything!
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Old 04-05-2015, 12:45 PM
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I'm so glad you shared.
My sister told me to stick to my recovery plan and stop keeping my alcoholism such a secret. I guess keeping it a secret made it less real to me...that I really didn't have a problem.
But to be more honest about it, it's helped me see how serious alcoholism is and now I can see it exists, I can do something about it.
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Old 04-05-2015, 12:50 PM
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For me, being honest in such a public way gave me accountability. It's harder to continue a habit when everyone knows you have admitted to having a problem. It also widens my support network. And I agree with you, Para. It's easier to minimize a problem when we don't tell anyone that we have one.
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Old 04-05-2015, 01:54 PM
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Takes a lot of guts kid

Well done
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Old 04-05-2015, 01:59 PM
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last summer, I told most of my friends I am an alcoholic. They knew I was a big drinker, but I don't think any of them thought I was drinking gallons of vodka alone on my sofa every night. They are all pretty much settled down with wife/kids so I don't see them often which allowed me to hide my alcoholism for years. just goes to show that Facebook is a mask for peoples true lives since on FB my life is great....

It was incredibly liberating to 'come out' as an admitted alcoholic. I'm sure no one was surprised but they would be shocked to hear how bad I was. Arrests, trips to the ER, job loss, bankruptcy. I failed to mention these things on FB.

I am now going to be authentic. I couldn't keep up the white lies anymore. feels good.
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Old 04-05-2015, 02:06 PM
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Being authentic is so much better.

I read an article a while back about people needing to see the mess behind the perfect Instagram photos. I was okay with people seeing my mess because I have finally allowed myself to be honest. And I enlarged my support network.
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Old 04-05-2015, 02:21 PM
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Hi, Tennant,

Sounds like a good move. Just a heads-up, be prepared for a lot of people to try to tell you that "you aren't that bad," "you're being too hard on yourself," "you were more FUN when you were drinking," "you can have JUST ONE, it won't hurt anything," or "you've been really good, you deserve this." Sometimes those voices may be in your own head, and sometimes they will come from well-meaning friends who totally don't get it.

Do you have a plan for staying sober?
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Old 04-05-2015, 02:28 PM
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Lexie, luckily for me, the majority of people in my life prefer me sober. But I know what you mean and plan on being prepared.

I'm following SMART recovery, starting back to counseling, and I am back to exercising since it really helps alleviate stress. I'm also now treating my ADHD which helps a lot.
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Old 04-05-2015, 04:37 PM
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You are a very brave woman, and no doubt will be an inspiration to people who read your post!
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Old 04-05-2015, 05:14 PM
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TenantSmith, you have help me more by this post than 8/years of AA meetings ngs and 4/months of rehab combined. May God bless you greatlyxoxo. I think I will print and read daily.
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Old 04-05-2015, 05:18 PM
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Stormi, you're welcome. And your Anais Nin quote is incredible.
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Old 04-05-2015, 06:03 PM
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Thank you TennantSmith, her quote has been my mantra to change my life for the past 15 years or so. Its all a process.
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