need advice
leighuk1984
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: london
Posts: 5
need advice
Ive started seeing someone whos also in recovery but for smoking weed not alcohol ive now been sober for almost 3 months but i can feel myself slipping as i want to be closer to this person physically but do not know how to do so without alcohol. Im also worried about whether i should be dating someone who is also in early recovery any advice would be appreciated im really struggling with my emotions right now which in turn is resulting in my craving for a drink thanks A
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Conventional wisdom around recovery is that you should wait a year (more or less) before getting into any new relationships--whether the other person is in recovery or not. As you've noticed, it's tough to handle challenging emotions when you are used to handling them with the go-to solution of picking up a drink.
There's plenty of time for an active social life--if that's what you want--after you're on solid ground with your sobriety.
There's plenty of time for an active social life--if that's what you want--after you're on solid ground with your sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Congratulations on 3 months sober. That's really great.
I think it's good that you are being cautious and aware. I think you know that it's important to be careful of your recovery and to put it first. If you are not sure about how to be close to someone without alcohol (and that's a common issue), maybe you should take a step back and wait until you feel more confident in your recovery.
I think it's good that you are being cautious and aware. I think you know that it's important to be careful of your recovery and to put it first. If you are not sure about how to be close to someone without alcohol (and that's a common issue), maybe you should take a step back and wait until you feel more confident in your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I think your emotions are telling you that perhaps you are not ready, maybe you should listen to your gut.
I was told that your gut feelings on many things is God speaking to us and all we have to do is listen. If you are having doubts and fears, that has to tell you something especially if those feelings are causing you cravings to drink.
It seems you want to escape from them instead of facing them which may mean you are not ready for a relationship. Only you can decide but listen to your gut, talk it out with a trusted friend and pray about it.
I was told that your gut feelings on many things is God speaking to us and all we have to do is listen. If you are having doubts and fears, that has to tell you something especially if those feelings are causing you cravings to drink.
It seems you want to escape from them instead of facing them which may mean you are not ready for a relationship. Only you can decide but listen to your gut, talk it out with a trusted friend and pray about it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
I know it's not the advice you want to hear but I took time out to get to know who sober me was before I invited anyone else in to share my life.
I'm glad I did it that way and I think it's good advice.
If you feel you need alcohol to be closer to this person - that's a recipe for disaster for people like us Leigh.
D
I'm glad I did it that way and I think it's good advice.
If you feel you need alcohol to be closer to this person - that's a recipe for disaster for people like us Leigh.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Looking at the facts “normal” relationships are tough enough adding addiction to the pot can be disastrous especially with one of the parties is still using a mind altering substance.
As was indicated sober living and thinking for a year helps prepare us to thing in a healthier manner.
Getting sober does not always deliver info we want, but that’s life.
BE WELL
Looking at the facts “normal” relationships are tough enough adding addiction to the pot can be disastrous especially with one of the parties is still using a mind altering substance.
As was indicated sober living and thinking for a year helps prepare us to thing in a healthier manner.
Getting sober does not always deliver info we want, but that’s life.
BE WELL
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
First congrats on 3 months!
For me, I was glad that I was not in a relationship during early recovery. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with, I didn't need to worry about someone else.
There is a reason they tell people to wait a year before starting a relationship and that is because we usually need that year to work on ourselves and our sobriety.
I also adopted this motto: no person, place, event or situation will ever be more important than my sobriety. And it has helped me step back and put things in perspective and priority. And it makes me think about if something or someone is really good for me or is going to interfere in my sobriety.
If I don't have my sobriety, I will have nothing.
For me, I was glad that I was not in a relationship during early recovery. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with, I didn't need to worry about someone else.
There is a reason they tell people to wait a year before starting a relationship and that is because we usually need that year to work on ourselves and our sobriety.
I also adopted this motto: no person, place, event or situation will ever be more important than my sobriety. And it has helped me step back and put things in perspective and priority. And it makes me think about if something or someone is really good for me or is going to interfere in my sobriety.
If I don't have my sobriety, I will have nothing.
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