Grymt

yeah, it's like there is an inner core that you're protecting at all costs. Forever deflecting anything that comes close. Been there done that kind of thing. Again, exhausting. If you did know the advice you really want this therapy to give to you? What would that be?

Misc72

I think you are doing great DJ. Quitting alcohol is a huge endeavor.

columbus

djmchammered--

I've read every post in this thread.

One question:

Have you considered not drinking anymore?

djmchammered

Thank you

Yes totally, that is where I am at. I want to never touch alcohol again. I feel very ashamed. The hard part for me is months and months after not having a drop my stupid alcoholic brain tells me it's ok to have a few beers. I think I need to come up with a strategy to tell my brain no!

I'm thinking about a good plan for when the time comes. Maybe we can brainstorm? I am going to record a selfie video for future me and keep it on my phone telling myself NO. That's my first idea..... I am going to think of more stuff. Been a long day and I still have to do studio work for about 4 hours tonight. I will keep thinking.... ideas are welcome and thank you all!!!!

columbus

"I want to never touch alcohol again."

Well then don't.

djmchammered

Day 8, not like that is a big accomplishment for my drinking because the problems sneak up months later when I somehow talk myself into having a few. But I do find comfort that I won't be hungover this weekend!


I talked to a friend from the party where I started my last binge. She said she has seen me worse and that I deserve to loose control every once and a while. Years ago I was pretty bad, however I would sort of remember. Its weird how everyone around me expects this awful behavior. I am not OK with it. Its dangerous and I don't want to die.


I am currently reading a book by Randy Blythe, the singer from Lamb Of God called "Dark Days". It has been reinforcing the fact that I am an alcoholic and cannot drink no matter what. I can relate to his struggles as they are similar to mine as far as ruining everything and not being able to stop. It's a really good book, sort of goes between talking about his alcohol addiction and his 30 day stay in a Czech prison after being charged for manslaughter 2 years after a fan had jumped off stage, hit there head and later died. Its really a good book. For now life is sweet for the freedom of not drinking is liberating to me.

I hope you all have a good day and keep fighting!

Misc72

8 days is a HUGE accomplishment! I keep getting double digits and then sliding back down to day 1. It sucks and it's never worth it. I really want to read that book. Lamb of God is so badass. I never knew he had to do prison time for a fan jumping off stage. Why in the hell would that be his fault. Anyway, it's great to hear you are finding inspiration from other musicians like Randy Blythe. I wish your friend wouldn't tell you that you deserve to let loose control once in a while. When I think it's o.k. to drink once in a while then that's all I think about. It's a vicious cycle. You are doing good!

djmchammered

Thanks Sunshine, there is actually a movie about it as well. The book is crazy good.

He says the prison stay is noting compared to the hell he has lived as an alcoholic. Well thats at the beginning. I am on like page 400 just before his first day in court.

You can do it, just keep getting back on the horse! Drinking is poison! I want my love hate relationship with it to end permanently.

Misc72

What is the name of the movie?

djmchammered

"As The Palaces Burn"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyPhQ-_xpbI


Do checkout the book though...

So far the best book I have ever read.... Of course I usually only read manuals.
https://www.amazon.com/Dark-Days-D-R.../dp/0306825090

Misc72

Excellent I can't wait for both!

ardy

Hi DJ.. Lady Clown from Milwaukee WI.. here.. lets take just that one little spot in your text below..." I deserve to loose control every once and a while" Elvis must have said that back in the 1970's died at 42 years of age.. Michael Jackson said that back in the 2009 a died at 50.. Prince must have said that back in the 2015 and died.. Janice Joplin thought that back in the day and died all by herself not knowing a Gentlemen loved her so much..
What do we really deserve and you are thinking of having a baby.. what does that little one that will have to work its way thro all the junk in its tiny body that it never did to have fun with.. but might just might grow up with so many health problems from all the stuff in the Mom and the change in the DNA of the Dad....
sorry .... sometimes a hard clown has to spell it out.. and as for the late great.... interviews and photos of so many in the past... my point of reference that brings me to tears now this minute.. David Cassidy.. have you seen that on you tube .. on his going down hill.. just makes me so sad... and my great friend Earl Slick.. I have very fond memories of him from the 1980's.. and we see each other for a bit each summer at Summer Fest Milwauakee WI.. this last summer.. I was so afraid he had had a stroke.. young lady with him.. was watching him very carefully and realized I was a friend and that was all.. just an old lady clown trying not to cry and hug her pal from so long ago.. and he had no idea what was happening.. have a couple of photos of us ... so wanting him to be the mate once again from 2011,, when he had to ask why do I know you. hahahahah ... clown vs real people.. and then the smile.. he has such a great smile...
you are so young yet.. please be here for 2040 and hug your Grand Children and Great Grand children and play some music for them.. and sing to the heavens so the rest of us can join in...
prayers love hope for a better tomorrow and a longer time to play music.. a Lady Clown

MrPL

Hey djm,

Well done on 8 days. I done what you did so many times before, I m now at 6.5 months and what is saving me is music. I am a musician too, and if you listen to the same guy you are reading then I also love the same kind of music as you.

Keep it strong man, what I found is I needed something else to focus on, and it had been right under my nose all that time. I am no longer worried about drinking, my goal is to take my music as far as possible. Drink just doesn't fit there.

All the best.

P

Misc72

Saw documentary. Excellent, didn't really touch on addiction. The book arrived today. So far so good! ! Thanks again for the recommendation.

djmchammered

Kinda feeling bummed tonight about all the mistakes I made a few weekends ago. Not even thinking about drinking at all, wondering why I thought it was a good idea in the first place. Man I am freaked out that I lost so many days on an all out binge. I am feeling like I screwed myself and my fans and friends. I am not in jail and I still have my family and they are ok and that is the most important thing. But dude, I am so ashamed. Most people know me are aware I have a very wild like persona so it's not outlandish. I just feel like I was recently perceived as a class act not a class failure. Sometimes I just break, I seriously underestimated what hard alcohol does to me. I need to redeem myself, I been mixing a alternative record all weekend and it's going good, when I think about doing my own music I am drowning in sadness. I wish people knew... still should have not been drinking ever

Dee74

Hi djhammred

I think time is the best healer for those regrets - as well as a firm commitment to not putting your head in the lions mouth again.

The more I've lived a life I felt was 'right', good and productive to myself and others the less the past has bothered me.

Some call that a living amends.

'Soft' alcohol (beer, wine) can do for you too, believe me. Don't let your addicted self get away with thoughts like that

D

djmchammered

Thank you, yes that is true. I was saying that because that is the last thing I really remember. I recall having a cold xl bottle of jack Daniels handed to me and I took a monster drink off of it. That was the end. The same result could have came from beer but this was a really dumb thing to do. I don't have self control or can't remember it when I am like that. Thanks again!

Misc72

I've made an ass out of myself on several glorious occasions. I found that beating myself up for too long was only hurting my progress more. Try these things:
Forgive yourself first
Chances are other people have their own drama and have already forgot about whatever you did, and if they didn't then they need to get a life or you don't need their the approval anyway. (Joan Jetts Bad Reputation, listen to that song)
If you really hurt someone apologize and meant it.
Learn from your mistakes and never allow them to happen again.
Let it go, and move on.
Keep making music!!
Keep posting, keep trying you are helping others by doing so (like me).

djmchammered

Thank YOU, your probably right. I am probably making a bigger deal out of it then my friends and promoters. I do think people will remember it thought. I literally walked off stage just as my first song was playing. This was the 4th stage at a party so its not like there was thousands in the room. This was also 2:30 am... I am going to get back to writing...... Thank YOU

Misc72

Yeah if it was 2:30am everyone else was likely bombed too. Just chalk it up to a party fowl and learn from it. lol You will be just fine!! You aren't the first to walk off stage and you certainly aren't the last!! Sounds like you take your craft very serious and I'm sure your fans, friends and promoter know that it was just you being intoxicated and not the real YOU. Brush it off. It could be so much worse. Good luck with writing. I'm on chapter 3 of Dark Days. Randy is the man!