djmchammered

Thank you, yeah I was imagining that reaction and I completely understand where it would come from. For me it's not sitting around with buddies or even smoking an excessive amount, not even daily. It would be like 2-3 puffs max as needed for my medical condition. I kinda wished I did not open this can of worms and focused on not drinking cause that's the real problem. I use it for when I want to stop thinking about alcohol sometimes when people around me are drinking. To me it's about not getting messed up, I am sure most of you think I am crazy. Now when I was a teen yeah we would smoke all day but now it's so minimal. I would not call it abuse what so ever.

Thank you all again!

djmchammered

And I am not successful at being sober cause I keep getting dragged to 2-3 day rave party outings cause I don't want my wife to go alone... or I feel ashamed to not drink with people I have been working with when we are traveling and doing 20 hour shifts. I was always known for being a drinker and fun to hang out with at work. The last time I relapsed after a very long time without booze I had arrived on a job site and everyone was like come to the bar. Actually that happened the last few times I had given up booze and was out of state without my medical marijuana. The good news is as of next week I will no longer have the same job and will not have to travel anymore.

djmchammered

I guess arriving out of state and first thing is meeting everyone for a drink kinda makes it really really hard for me to say no. Especially when my boss pours me a drink immediately after arriving at the hotel.... That is one of the hardest things for me to deflect. I can't imagine being like,
No I'm just going to go to the room.... Glad that's over this week

Dee74

Yeah, I couldn't say no to a drink. I ended up losing my music career over it.

I learned to value myself and my beliefs and say no and now 8 years on, I'm back playing music again.

I'm just that guy who doesn't drink - it's no big deal

D

SoberJohn

Hi DJ, I feel the same way in what you said about sobriety and your professional life. I was a functioning drunk for many years and rose to the top of my game stone cold drunk. Never had hit a hard bottom but always wondered if I rose to the top drunk what could I do sober.

Wish you all the best and you'll find lots of help and support here

djmchammered

Thanks everyone, really! The thing personally about me is I especially do not drink at a gig or after cause I have been trying to reverse my image. When I do not have responsibility and I am a party or concert goer I drink and loose It. However my drinking is hindering my creativity and my studio work as well as my family life. It's my day job that seems to be half my trigger points.

zerothehero

I perform and at first was concerned I would be really anxious on stage without alcohol. I worried about people offering me drinks, etc... None of it is a concern at this point. I perform sober. People know I'm sober. Or they don't. They don't seem to care. And folks commented after my last couple of gigs that I'm much improved.

I go to shows, too, and for the most part sobriety isn't a problem. A couple of times I got turned off by crowded drunken scenes and had to move back or even leave, but if the music had been better I would have put up with the crowd. A great band can cut through even the most obnoxious scenes.

AddictGuy

thanks for engaging, dj, and thanks for all of you rockers chiming in too. I like the one where someone said, these days i am just the guy that doesn't drink. It's funny the envy you get when you are the one that is among them, but not doing what they do. They wonder how you ever managed to break away from the crowd and still be cool. it just flat out makes you a better person, and then, if you want that image of being someone that is living life on a higher plane, well, then, you've got it. At some point you just have to make the change. You have to be that brave. you have to put in the work, however and whatever it is that that work turns out to be for you. It can be nothing more than mustering the courage and the awareness. it can come down to it being that you just love being sober so much and who that makes you that you will let nothing and no one take that away from you.

AddictGuy

I still like to sit at bars now and then. i like the big circle where you can see more people than you can at a table and there is more cross talk so i don't feel so alone. I can smell the beer, I can smell the liquor. I see the other people's faces get flushed and hear them start to slur their words and get stupid. I am in my own little world and they can be in theirs. I thought it would be so hard not to drink if they were drinking but now it is something I take pride in. i would see the other, rare guy who would sit there with his coffee or his pepsi and i would envy him. I wanted to be one of those guys. Now I am one of those guys. I have a buddy who quit drinking because he saw that I was standing up to it and he wanted to stand up to it too. You not drinking could even give someone else, maybe even a dear friend, it could give him the courage to follow in your footsteps. that's when it really gets cool.

FreeOwl

Welcome.

Your story brought back a ton of memories for me. I lived a similar life with my first wife... Right down to the raving and the X and the blow and the booze.

Across two continents and numerous countries.

I partied my face off for years and most of it is just fragments of memories laced with shame and regret and bewilderment that was even me.

It took me over a decade from first having an inkling I was wasting my life to finally being over a year clean and sober. I hope your path is a shorter one. I hope you embrace sobriety with everything you've got, no matter what..... The cost is so worth it. This is your life at stake, it truly is.... More than you can begin to understand right now.

We are here for you, and understand.

Suzieq17

Welcome to SR. It's a great resource and the people are very helpful. We are trying to do the same thing--stay sober.

Music helped me become sober.

If ever you get a chance, sit down alone and listen to Mumford and Sons album Sign No More. Do it alone, from beginning to end.

What I got from the music and lyrics was that it was a journey of addiction and recovery.

Good luck to you and keep coming back.

djmchammered

So today was a disaster, my elderly father whom is my one and only blood relative was supposed to accompany me and my wife and two kids for a day of easter events. My wife and my father do not get along and every time there is a holiday there is a huge fight with me bringing him along between my wife and I. This weekend my father has had low blood sugars and I have been monitoring him and I was afraid to leave him alone during easter. He got over the flu last week and my wife used that as an excuse to not want him to join us. I couldn't leave. I explained that to her calmly and she turned up the yell. She ended up telling me that I should just kill my self, that she wants a divorce, that I should be in a straight jacket and reminded me that I was un invited. So I stayed home and took care of him and started to look for assisted living places for him. He has been living with us for 3 years and is a constant source of arguments. I do every single family thing I am asked on her side and I have this one relative and I am responsive for him. So I spent the day sad and screaming please God help me. I just want the verbal abuse to stop. She and the kids are now home and ignoring me. I will never get an apology apparently everything is always my fault. Tomorrow I get to go take a non dot 5 panel pre-employment drug screen. Good thing I have a brand new whizzanator. I need to get that synthetic urine at the right temp and turned in and then I can quit my current job. My wife has no idea about the test as it would cause another major blowout. I have pulled it off before but the pressure is on. Tomorrow night I have scheduled my first NA meeting since 1995. I am a person with so many issues currently, I need this job as it is a major salary increase for me. In the mean time I am having another nervous breakdown. I really don't have any friends I hang out with or anyone to talk to. I talked to my wife's mother who knows about her verbal abuse as she called and was worried about me. I think I want out of this abusive marriage. Prayers needed.... I am not super religious and I don't really mix that with addiction. Been watching the bible movies all day. Broke down by myself, really need someone who cares. Wife thinks I am a pusseee. I want to live without verbal abuse or alcohol.

kittycat3

Have you been to therapy DJ? Sorry for your rough day.

Serenidad

Welcome! You will find a lot of support here! :-)

djmchammered

Thanks guys, over the past three weeks my wife and I have attended 4 therapy sessions. They were setup by my wife after she and I had a major argument in front of a babysitter and I went on a major 4 day epic drinking binge. The argument started because we needed a sober ride to go out to a concert and we had both started drinking, our ride had backed out and I was about to hit pay with the uber app and I walked into confirm it with her. She said she would be better off if I was dead and told me she wanted a divorce and then clawed and hit me. I wrote her a nasty letter told her if she didn't fix it I was going to eventually find someone else. She then sent 4 different family members over as a half assed intervention. The funny thing is all the people she sent are aware of her verbal abuse and took my side anyways, they are all drinkers. Granted I was really in bad shape and that was a sort of rock bottom point. Mind you we have never spoke of divorce before in our 4 years of marriage. In her defense I did end up talking to a complete stranger on facebook while I was drunk who was having a very sad time. I was just trying to talk to someone and hope we could pick each other up. My wife snooped and saw the conversation but it was pretty much harmless, however after the threat of me leaving she took it the wrong way. The person I was talking to was clearly not my type but... Yeah

So we went to one counselor and she lightened up. We ended up having sex 4 times in two days? I guess that's her way of claiming me back? Then we saw another therapist that insisted we need divorce preparation not marriage counseling, she walked out. We then went back to the original counselor and she wished us luck and recommended I did not go to Miami. Well I went and we did not have any arguments at all. We went back after but had to bring our kids. The focus was only on my drinking and not her verbal abuse. What do you think I should do?

thomas11

Hi dj, I've been following this thread and my observation is that your life is well, chaotic. There are some drinking and drug issues, kids involved, and your wife sounds like she can be just plain mean. I'm certainly not going to tell you what to do, but I do believe you have some serious decisions to make, and quickly. It sounds as if thins are unraveling and could completely fall apart at any moment. Others will be able to offer better advice than myself, but I would prioritize the various issues you are facing and try and tackle then one at a time. And do is sober. I wish you the very best dj.

kittycat3

I think with your addiction and her addiction things sound pretty rough. I would recommend getting into therapy ASAP and talking to an expert. If your wife can not temper the verbal abuse then maybe you do need to leave, but also a divorce is a huge decision that would be best made carefully, soberly, and as a last resort. You owe it to yourself, your relationship, and your kids to make sure you've tried everything before going down the divorce path. I also don't believe anyone deserves to stay in an abusive situation.
Are you done drinking? You must stay sober, step #1!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

djmchammered

Thanks! Yes I am 100% done drinking. Hitting up an NA meeting tonight. Not holding my breath for an apology from my wife. She is responding but I don't think she understands how much her words hurt me....Her mother and step mother are disgusted with how she talks to me. They are scarred to say anything to her. Hopefully scored a new job today. Looking into assisted living for my dad, talked to "aplaceformom.com" and the facilities have been leaving me voicemails all day. Kinda annoying... Not sure what her tone will be like in 1 hour when she gets home. Kinda don't want to get into it again. Outlook is mediocre.... Thanks again everyone..... For me once I am off the booze it's easy. Going to do T25 again, I have completed it a few times before. I also turned on my studio gear today and that felt good. Now I need to write something.

Soberwolf

Congrats DJ