TennantSmith

My 18 year old daughter and I are currently estranged. Our last fight happened while I had been drinking. There's been some issues with her lately and deciding to handle it while drinking was not smart. So, she got mad and is gone out of my life.

She's had a rare chronic disease since she was,12. When it flares yup, she gets very sick. I found out tonight, by accident, she was in the ER. she didn't want me to know or be there. It ripped my heart out. I was always the one with her through it all. I'm also the one person in her life who c cannot mess up.

Anyway, it hurt. So much. Past behavior: I'd hurt and run to the bar and get wasted. Tonight, I called a friend. I did buy a pack of smokes but threw them away. I'm almost at 3 months and not starting again.

So, this is what its like to sit with your feelings
...sigh. I'm sober and nicotine free. I called a friend. I'm hurting but proud, too.

Bmac

nuf said. You should be proud of yourself. I am! As for the heartache, I am deeply sorry and can only hope that your journey in sobriety will once again include your daughter.

PeacefulRain

(((Hugs)))

TennantSmith

Thank you. I was proud I went through the whole process from first drink to waking up with regret tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I'm going on a run 1st thing in the morning. My best friend is coming over tomorrow evening. Funny enough, my closest friends are non drinkers or people who drink very rarely. They're excellent support.

I'll give her time and the best think I can do is show her how I've changed instead of tell her.

kinzoku

Wise.

Rooting for you. Sorry for the hard times, but your resolve is strong and that is awesome.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your pain TS, but I think you have the right idea and a great attitude, Give it time

D

sugarbear1

what are you doing for your sobriety?

heartcore

You handled it perfectly!

My relationship with my daughter has been brittle and distant through those years from sixteen on. She was full of judgements & so was I. I moved far away, & we kept in touch, but with great physical distance between us. I visited her once or twice a year, & we made it through the visits, but I always left feeling hurt.

She is 23 & lives with me here in Alaska now. She came here to get sober. We are close & content, both actually enjoying being roommates (which would have been inconceivable even a year ago). We needed time to grow seperately before we could come back together.

So, hard as it is, the separating is a natural process. As she moves into her adult life, she will slowly grow some understanding & compassion. This isn't the end of the story, just a new section of the very thick book...

MythOfSisyphus

Play the tape through to the end. Always good advice. Getting drunk won't help. I hope your daughter is okay. I also hope that with continued sobriety you'll find a way to mend your relationship with her. Everything seems to epically dramatic when you're at her age; I hope she will give you a chance.

immri

I think you handled that amazingly well, I hope your daughter is ok and I'm sure in time she will come around if you keep letting your actions speak louder than words
Well done

Soberwolf

(((Tenantsmith)))

GracieLou

Sitting in physical or emotional pain is one of the hardest things I have had to learn how to do in sobriety.

Let the feelings come and go, this to shall pass.

mecanix

Sitting with your feelings is painful , i'm really glad you didn't drink.

I think you made the right decision , and keep on making the next right decision .

Giving your daughter the room, space and respect to be able to deal with it in her own way as an adult is an incredibly loving and trusting thing to do . It might hurt like hell but giving her, her freedom in this is important i think .

I hope you'll be able to share with her soon your successes with the battle against the booze and who's to say ? she might choose to share her battles with you . when she sees how inspirational you've become .

Wish i could do something to take the pain away , just keep on though , one day at a time, if you stick with sobriety these things have a way of sorting themselves out for the best , thats what i've found out in the last 3 1/2 years . keep on

m

Della1968

Hi I went through the same thing with my daughter from around 16-18. I know how hard it is not to drink but believe me when I say once you build some sobriety time you will be surprised how much better things can be.My daughter and I are very close now. You should be proud of not drinking and with time she will be too. Hugs.

Hawkeye13

I've been on the daughter side of your story and I agree with others--
Give her space, as you did, and let your sober time speak for itself.

Things can get so much better if you don't drink again and she trusts that.

TennantSmith

Thank you everyone. I'm sorry I didnt respond last night. I sat down to watch a movie and woke up this morning. Lol. I appreciate all of the words.

Mark1014

Heartcore and mecanix added some things that really hit close to home with me too. I think you're doing great. My oldest child will soon be 20 and moving out later this summer. We've had some very difficult times over the past few years. Trying to deal with them while drinking didn't work so well. By the time he leaves, I'll be at a year sober and will feel legitimate in talking with him about my struggles and I hope he can learn from me and apply it to his life. Until then, I'm going to let my actions do the talking for me.

Wishing you the best!

biminiblue

Good for you, TS.

You've done your job, she has to spread her wings now. I know everyone in my family liked me better without the drink, too.