Aiko

I have been 8 months 14 days completely completely clean!
No alcohol, benzos, no joints, no nothing...

Since I left the clinic I been working non stop, only weekends and at the beginning having a couple of days off was a struggle.
Christmas was hell

I need to take a holiday sooner or later...
And suddenly my head started planning again...
What if I go to another city for a week and get loaded in peace!!!
just keeps popping in my head... get stuff and get in the car...
And leave the worries behind...

The meds are really working, and my head is so much better,
my memory, I work better, am studying, am so happy to do sport,
I want to live again,... my strategy is being busy 24x7

But is coming back in my head and I can not go back again,
If I touch something It will start the spiral and
my head is trying to convince me I could control it, but I know is a lie,
I know I am an addict for life...
But I want to stop controling, I want to get stoned, I want to get drunk... have a *********** break!!!

Sorry Just needed to get it out of my head

anattaboy

I get those same thoughts once in awhile (yesterday as a matter-of-fact). It's pure B S. Usually takes me a full half hour to see it for what it is. My AV is a liar. Never did the booze give me the release I sought without some real, lasing pain. I have a feeling we are a lot alike. Ride this one out. I only have about a month on you and I value what I have sanity/healthwise. Too much to lose.

Dee74

system hiccup.

D

firstymer

Aiko, taking a break from work does not mean you have to get drunk or stoned.

You have 8 months and 14 days of sobriety. And given where you have been, that is a FANTASTIC accomplishment!!! Give your self credit for what you have achieved. And go ahead and take a break from your busy work schedule, if you are able. Just because you relax doesn't mean you have to relapse, right?

Congratulations. We are proud of you.

Dee74

Hi aiko

it's really great you've been sober and clean for so long

It's pretty normal to have those thoughts come back from time to time...it's our response to those thoughts that counts

We can choose to ignore thoughts and say no to them. Use all the support you have to help and make it easier.

You can do this Aiko - I believe in you

trachemys

(oh that's wierd..duplicate posts with another in between

Hey Aiko! Like the paintings!

Of course you can take a break. Just take a break without booze or drugs. You say you like sport, take up hiking. Nothing makes me feel better than a ten mile walk.

sun78

I am in the same situation. I needed a break after a hard day. So I opened SR

Aiko

Thank you for all your suppot...
Is just; when I am too long doing nothing it starts... doing my head in!!!
I am scared to have time off!!!

And suddenly my head started thinking to take again,
I was quiettttt and was accepting that I can not touch a thing!
and started.......... Planing to take a real holiday...

And life preasure does not help!
My dad is drinking away and is a selfish miserable ********---
My mother has developed an Aneurisma in the brain... and am worried
on top my younger brother has been unemploied in the last few months...
apart from the work preasure...

I manage to get this far and my head is trying to drag me back!
Is awaiting to get a chance, an excuse to take...
My subsconcience wants itttttttt
I do not think it will ever stop!!!

I came here to talk cos It was just going on and on!!!
I know I can NOT

Soberwolf

Your awesome Aiko

PurpleKnight

Great job on your Sobriety Aiko!! That's fantastic!!

Aiko

Seriously I do not know how long I am going to last!!!??!

I do not Stop and problems coming all sides...
I was asking for benzo at office
And just got offered marihuana and coca...
Hunger is just building up!!!!

I am going to the psico later
I hope she can smack me round the face
So I can calm down
But deep down I want to take what ever I can get hold off!!!
I am sick in the headdddd

Dee74

Do you have any other support there aiko? were you going to NA or AA?

D

Aiko

I do not go anymore to NA i do not like it!
I am at work!

I am obssesed about it and got anxiety!
It is me who is provoking it cos really I want to!
I am going layer to see the shrink, she will help me.
I have to drive to another city...
I hope my head will stop going on and on!
I am sorry I keep coming here!

I will Calm Down!!!

Dee74

That's a shame about NA - I think you could use more support Aiko.

Clearly you need to have some defence against these cravings.

I hope these tips might help.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

tomsteve

8 months is pretty amazing.
However, it reads like that in that time youve absorbed yourself in work without learning how to live life on life's terms? Maybe forcing so much work so you don't have to face life on life's terms?
And the one solution for life on life's terms ya know is there- get stoned.
That won't help as I'm sure ya know from your past. It would only be temporary and life will still be there.Dad will still be drinking. Mom will still have an aneurism,Brother will still be unemployed......
How much of what is going on do you have control over? What that is happening do you have the ability to change?

Aiko

I am calming down!
Just wanted to let u know

The pshico really bash me:
- You want do do it???? Go ahead!!! do it and then what???

Wrote on a paper: WHAT FOR???
- BCossss I want to and am tired off controlling when I want it!
Paper up: WHAT FOR???
- To disconnect and get un conscience
Paper up: WHAT FOR???
- So you are gone a while and then damage more your head???
And feel even worse???
NOD

Really thank you all for helping me YET AGAIN
If it wasn’t for your help every time I go bonkers...

PS: just found out my younger bro has a job

Soberwolf

Congrats Aiko and congrats for your brother

trachemys

Good job Aiko! Don't be sorry for coming here. That's what here is for!

ignatious

I'm really happy for you Aiko. I wish to be where you are in your sobriety, please keep going.