I can't carry on. I'm done. Sorry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nottingham Uk
Posts: 59
I can't carry on. I'm done. Sorry.
I feel like my life is over. Probably going to prison on the 17th. My stepson who lives with us hates me. Yesterday he said he doesn't care if I'm going to prison. He has lied in police statements. He says I'm bleeding his dad dry. For the last 6 months I have had precisely £6.10 a day to buy cigarettes. That's it. I don't understand why he says these things. Last night he called me a liar and told me to **** off. Then when I went to leave for my parents he said I was selfish and making his dads life a misery. My head is in bits. I have had a couple of slip ups and drank. I don't want to. I really don't want him to win. I feel lost and scared. Please..any advice will be great fully accepted. I am losing my grip ...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Angel
I think it's really important not to let your fears about prison get to you. It will go much better for you if you're sober in this period before the next court date.
I'm sorry about your stepson. Have you spoken to your partner about this and how miserable he's making your life?
I think more support would be really good for you. Have you considered something like AA at all?
D
I think it's really important not to let your fears about prison get to you. It will go much better for you if you're sober in this period before the next court date.
I'm sorry about your stepson. Have you spoken to your partner about this and how miserable he's making your life?
I think more support would be really good for you. Have you considered something like AA at all?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nottingham Uk
Posts: 59
I have spoken to my partner. He totally gets it. If we chuck the stepson out, ultimately my husband will b misearble. He fought for 16 years for the right to see his son. He's hurting. I'm hurting. Its a mess. Thank you for replying.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Do you mind me asking how old your step son is?
Because to me it sounds like he is old enough to be fending for himself, even if that means he still lives with you.
What is his daily routine like?
Does he work?
Is he studying?
I get the impression, and tell me if I am wrong, that if he is hanging around the house and you are too, this is not a healthy situation and rows and name calling will happen if there is no where to escape to.
I think as well that his Dad needs to step in.
I wouldn't have thought his Dad will be happy with swearing and accusations about money.
I don't really see thats his business.
I've done the step mum bit before.
Its not easy.
We spilt up and honestly, I am 150% happier.
I wish I had walked away sooner.
Perhaps it is worth thinking about getting away from the situation, if you can, until court etc is done with and you know your future.
It sounds like an utterly miserable situation to be in.
Have you thought about trying to live on your own away from the step son?
Is this in away possible?
I know you have court looming but could it be possible that you could have your own money, your own place, maybe a job?
Drinking will only make you more unhappy.
But know that we have your back here.
Because to me it sounds like he is old enough to be fending for himself, even if that means he still lives with you.
What is his daily routine like?
Does he work?
Is he studying?
I get the impression, and tell me if I am wrong, that if he is hanging around the house and you are too, this is not a healthy situation and rows and name calling will happen if there is no where to escape to.
I think as well that his Dad needs to step in.
I wouldn't have thought his Dad will be happy with swearing and accusations about money.
I don't really see thats his business.
I've done the step mum bit before.
Its not easy.
We spilt up and honestly, I am 150% happier.
I wish I had walked away sooner.
Perhaps it is worth thinking about getting away from the situation, if you can, until court etc is done with and you know your future.
It sounds like an utterly miserable situation to be in.
Have you thought about trying to live on your own away from the step son?
Is this in away possible?
I know you have court looming but could it be possible that you could have your own money, your own place, maybe a job?
Drinking will only make you more unhappy.
But know that we have your back here.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Hugs Angel. He might be going through his own little personal tribulation and it is coming out at you. Don't pit yourself against him. It doesn't sound like anyone is winning in this situation. Drinking always made my down moods so much more intense. Your mind may telling you drinking will help but that is not really the case. If you have anything left get rid of it and talk it out here. There are much better ways to deal with this.
I am not trying to downplay your situation because I wouldn't want to have to deal with what you are but our minds plays tricks on us. When ever something really bad happens to me it is always the worst possible thing that could ever happen to anyone anywhere. I tend to give it so much more importance than it deserves. This is solvable Angel and you can fix it and put it behind you.
I am not trying to downplay your situation because I wouldn't want to have to deal with what you are but our minds plays tricks on us. When ever something really bad happens to me it is always the worst possible thing that could ever happen to anyone anywhere. I tend to give it so much more importance than it deserves. This is solvable Angel and you can fix it and put it behind you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
this sounds like an all-around trying and terrible situation for everyone.
all that arises for me is this; prison, step-sons, police, money issues.... it will ALL be made easier to deal with and will ALL be put behind you sooner and more effectively if you are sober and working on yourself.
even in prison, there is AA. Even in prison, there is recovery.
you find yourself in a place where you feel your world is caving in around you. That is an awful thing - yet you're not the first one to stand in those shoes.
from where you are right now you have two three directions; better, worse, or the same.
no matter how we slice the world - those are the three choices we have. will we choose to make our situation better, worse, or keep it the same.
sometimes, when the pressure's on and things are really feeling hopeless - it helps to simplify it this way and then ask two questions;
1- which choice to I want to make?
2- what actions will I take TODAY to support that choice.
If we consistently choose 'better' and we consistently act to support that choice and to hold a vision of a better outcome.... life WILL improve. No matter how bad it's gotten.
Choose 'better', act now.
all that arises for me is this; prison, step-sons, police, money issues.... it will ALL be made easier to deal with and will ALL be put behind you sooner and more effectively if you are sober and working on yourself.
even in prison, there is AA. Even in prison, there is recovery.
you find yourself in a place where you feel your world is caving in around you. That is an awful thing - yet you're not the first one to stand in those shoes.
from where you are right now you have two three directions; better, worse, or the same.
no matter how we slice the world - those are the three choices we have. will we choose to make our situation better, worse, or keep it the same.
sometimes, when the pressure's on and things are really feeling hopeless - it helps to simplify it this way and then ask two questions;
1- which choice to I want to make?
2- what actions will I take TODAY to support that choice.
If we consistently choose 'better' and we consistently act to support that choice and to hold a vision of a better outcome.... life WILL improve. No matter how bad it's gotten.
Choose 'better', act now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Are you sure that prison is going to be the outcome?
If you have no prior convictions, maybe that is not the case. Are you sure you aren't just future-tripping?
Even if you do go to prison, it isn't going to be the end of your life. So far what you've mentioned is (possibly) theft. The sentence may be very short.
Try to stay in this moment. That's all you can do. Deal with the legal system honestly and get help.
You're going to be okay, regardless.
One day at a time.
If you have no prior convictions, maybe that is not the case. Are you sure you aren't just future-tripping?
Even if you do go to prison, it isn't going to be the end of your life. So far what you've mentioned is (possibly) theft. The sentence may be very short.
Try to stay in this moment. That's all you can do. Deal with the legal system honestly and get help.
You're going to be okay, regardless.
One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
So sorry you are having such a tough time. I don't have much advice to offer, except to come here and chat with us when you are feeling out of control. Or try to find an AA meeting. I'm sure you'll find people who can commiserate and offer some words of wisdom. Hugs for you!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Hi Angel 70 don't despair.
A lot of young men, boys really, are very immature. If, for some warped reason of his own, he has chosen to hate you then just ignore him and carry on being yourself (I appreciate that's easy to say and not so easy to do)
If he has lied in police statements it says much about his character but of course I don't have all the facts
Do everything you can not to go to prison - they're full up anyway so if the justice system can find a reason not to send you there, it will
Hope this thread is giving you some hope and encouragement Angel
A lot of young men, boys really, are very immature. If, for some warped reason of his own, he has chosen to hate you then just ignore him and carry on being yourself (I appreciate that's easy to say and not so easy to do)
If he has lied in police statements it says much about his character but of course I don't have all the facts
Do everything you can not to go to prison - they're full up anyway so if the justice system can find a reason not to send you there, it will
Hope this thread is giving you some hope and encouragement Angel
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