I lied, I am a liar, I deceived, hate me be supportive of others, take it out on me
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
I lied, I am a liar, I deceived, hate me be supportive of others, take it out on me
You know after reading a post tonight and knowing my personal experience. I've realized something, the judgement and the things that are often said here drive people from this site. I am a big boy, I can stand up and own up to what I've done but others are turned away from this site by the comments they receive.
My pet peeve I have, I just want to say nobody should ever have to apologize to this community. I've done it, because I wanted to feel accepted, I've done some pretty low down stuff. However, had I not apologized, don't I still deserve to be accepted and offered help within this community? Shouldn't others too?
If you or I as an addict are beyond reprieve, or beyond reproach, I dare you, I as an atheist say cast that stone. Throw that stone, throw it with all you've got, otherwise, I hate to see newcomers and others apologize for lying feeling down and not knowing what to do. They think they owe this community something. you know what we owe them something, by them posting it helps us.
I got heady, I got beyond myself, I ran a real scam here, I lied to everyone, I lied and lied and lied. I deceived, I took advantage of the system, I did everything wrong. I would say, that of so many, I did some pretty deceitful things to this community. However, in retrospect, I( hate what I am seeing no newcomer should ever apologize. I honestly could careless if they lie, or are lying or have lied, all I and you should be concerned about is if they want to get sober.
Yeah, I a bit upset, screw it, we all lied, we were all addicts we all are in the phase of recovery we are in, if you have problem or want to drop some hate or spew whatever you think, leave the new new comer alone. Really if you're beyond reproach then you don't need this site you need yourself. TDG rant over.
My title says it all, you got something to say, got an ax to grind, want to call someone out, I am here an ready otherwise, be nice to the new guy and take him at his/her word and offer support nothing more or less.
My pet peeve I have, I just want to say nobody should ever have to apologize to this community. I've done it, because I wanted to feel accepted, I've done some pretty low down stuff. However, had I not apologized, don't I still deserve to be accepted and offered help within this community? Shouldn't others too?
If you or I as an addict are beyond reprieve, or beyond reproach, I dare you, I as an atheist say cast that stone. Throw that stone, throw it with all you've got, otherwise, I hate to see newcomers and others apologize for lying feeling down and not knowing what to do. They think they owe this community something. you know what we owe them something, by them posting it helps us.
I got heady, I got beyond myself, I ran a real scam here, I lied to everyone, I lied and lied and lied. I deceived, I took advantage of the system, I did everything wrong. I would say, that of so many, I did some pretty deceitful things to this community. However, in retrospect, I( hate what I am seeing no newcomer should ever apologize. I honestly could careless if they lie, or are lying or have lied, all I and you should be concerned about is if they want to get sober.
Yeah, I a bit upset, screw it, we all lied, we were all addicts we all are in the phase of recovery we are in, if you have problem or want to drop some hate or spew whatever you think, leave the new new comer alone. Really if you're beyond reproach then you don't need this site you need yourself. TDG rant over.
My title says it all, you got something to say, got an ax to grind, want to call someone out, I am here an ready otherwise, be nice to the new guy and take him at his/her word and offer support nothing more or less.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
We build relationships here Jeremy, and relationships are complex - especially when you consider we're all different.
What's right for me may not be for you...what's right for you may not be right for someone else....
There's no one size fits all response y'know?
The really important thing is we remember we're here to help.
It's really easy to get sidetracked by other things, other dramas, but helping others really needs to be our prime mission.
I'm sorry for your upset, man, but I love this forum and the people in it.
I think we're doing pretty well all things considered.
Lets get back to helping each other out, ok?
D
What's right for me may not be for you...what's right for you may not be right for someone else....
There's no one size fits all response y'know?
The really important thing is we remember we're here to help.
It's really easy to get sidetracked by other things, other dramas, but helping others really needs to be our prime mission.
I'm sorry for your upset, man, but I love this forum and the people in it.
I think we're doing pretty well all things considered.
Lets get back to helping each other out, ok?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Ultimately Jeremy no one here owes anyone else here anything. We are are just addicts trying to make it better. In the end we are all responsible for or own sobriety and no one else's. If there was a post that threatened my sobriety I would have to take a good hard look at my recovery and see what was missing. Most people are kind and well meaning but not everyone or every post is everyone else's cup of tea. There are bound to be some mis-steps along the way. I just worry about my own back yard and try to support those working on theirs.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hello TDG,
Whatever has happened don't let it get between you and your recovery, try and keep an even keel .
Considering we're a whole bunch of drunks and users i think we all get along remarkably well ..
Just keep on , keep on ,
Bestwishes, m
Whatever has happened don't let it get between you and your recovery, try and keep an even keel .
Considering we're a whole bunch of drunks and users i think we all get along remarkably well ..
Just keep on , keep on ,
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I would say the problem is more so when you lie to yourself. Thing is, this is a community of people who are not affected by your actions. We do care about you, however, if you use or not, it does not really change our lives. However, when anyone lies to themselves, they are hurting one person the very most, themselves.
I personally come here for community, healing, and to pay it forward in any way I can. If I lie, it defeats my own purpose and may hurt someone else in the end.
Hugs to you. You know we care, and hopefully you know you don't need to lie to us, or to yourself.
I personally come here for community, healing, and to pay it forward in any way I can. If I lie, it defeats my own purpose and may hurt someone else in the end.
Hugs to you. You know we care, and hopefully you know you don't need to lie to us, or to yourself.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
This was a response to a post I saw late last night. A newcomer came asked for help, and then the replies tended to drift to the negative. Why? People were trying to vet what the person said, and not really responding to what was actually being said. Like I said, in a private message earlier, nobody can blame me I wear my heart on my shoulder. No cigarettes or alcohol has me on edge, hence avoiding the boards some.
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Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
This was a response to a post I saw late last night. A newcomer came asked for help, and then the replies tended to drift to the negative. Why? People were trying to vet what the person said, and not really responding to what was actually being said. Like I said, in a private message earlier, nobody can blame me I wear my heart on my shoulder. No cigarettes or alcohol has me on edge, hence avoiding the boards some.
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So true Scott, I have a tendency to get involved with things that aren't my business or get upset over the simplest things. I don't know why! But with 30 days now, quite a few passed EGT (3 day alcohol test) and outpatient services accepted. I am within 2 to 3 months of getting my daughter back they tell me. I am very excited about this, I am over joyed by this actually. Over night visits and unsupervised visits are coming soon too. I should really focus on me, but I want others too know there are good folks here, and at times you have to sort through all the responses and find the good people.
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Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
This was a response to a post I saw late last night. A newcomer came asked for help, and then the replies tended to drift to the negative.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I guess I'm confused. If you are coming here for help, why lie ? The help you will receive will be based on falsehoods, wasting peoples precious time who are seeking to merely help another.
Its just a giant waste of time for all parties involved. Where there are desperate people who are baring their souls for genuine assistance.
The lying and story telling really set me off. Especially in an anonymous place where no one benefits from anything other than honesty. I just don't get it whatsoever.
Time is our most valuable commodity. A non renewable resource. And ,I for one, deeply value anyone who takes time out of their precious day to help me when I'm down and out.
Its just a giant waste of time for all parties involved. Where there are desperate people who are baring their souls for genuine assistance.
The lying and story telling really set me off. Especially in an anonymous place where no one benefits from anything other than honesty. I just don't get it whatsoever.
Time is our most valuable commodity. A non renewable resource. And ,I for one, deeply value anyone who takes time out of their precious day to help me when I'm down and out.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Jeremy... please don't get this wrong and negatively, I just would like to share what I am seeing, again, in your post. First off, I'm very glad to hear you've got 30 days of sobriety. I hope it'll grow and we will hear about it from you here
On the potential effects of communication on SR... I am pretty sure most long term members had moments feeling overwhelmed by something. I find very clearly that whenever I'm recognizing such emotional reaction in myself, it usually happens because something really hits home, and hits hard, on an ongoing issue I am having myself. I personally find these moments incredibly helpful, I definitely have not had many during my time in SR, but whenever I did, I usually recognized very shortly afterward that the strong reaction can actually be a goldmine for me if I look at it honestly, by myself or with a bit of help. What's necessary though to get these experiences is that we are able to see beyond our defenses and drop them, otherwise all gets buried in momentary anger and denial, and just hurts even more.
Now when this experience is coming from someone else's drama here (or elsewhere), again, I would ask myself, why is it affecting me so strongly? For me, as I said, some of the best possibilities for change grow out of transient interpersonal conflicts, mental projections, resulting strong feelings, and then resolving them together. If you don't want to resolve them together with others, I would second Anna's suggestion about ignoring and re-focusing on what's most important in your life currently.
On the potential effects of communication on SR... I am pretty sure most long term members had moments feeling overwhelmed by something. I find very clearly that whenever I'm recognizing such emotional reaction in myself, it usually happens because something really hits home, and hits hard, on an ongoing issue I am having myself. I personally find these moments incredibly helpful, I definitely have not had many during my time in SR, but whenever I did, I usually recognized very shortly afterward that the strong reaction can actually be a goldmine for me if I look at it honestly, by myself or with a bit of help. What's necessary though to get these experiences is that we are able to see beyond our defenses and drop them, otherwise all gets buried in momentary anger and denial, and just hurts even more.
Now when this experience is coming from someone else's drama here (or elsewhere), again, I would ask myself, why is it affecting me so strongly? For me, as I said, some of the best possibilities for change grow out of transient interpersonal conflicts, mental projections, resulting strong feelings, and then resolving them together. If you don't want to resolve them together with others, I would second Anna's suggestion about ignoring and re-focusing on what's most important in your life currently.
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Understood Alphaomega, in my case I wanted to tell a story and get the responses I wanted to hear at the time. Somewhere deep down, I thought I knew what I wanted and told a story to elicit the responses I thought I needed to hear.
Lying, lying is horrible and evil and epitomizes the worst any can do. However, for addicts I think it becomes second nature its an end to the means. In my case, I did it with purpose, but my purpose wasn't with ill intent. Rather, it was a way of feeling accepted or wanted.
We can all read post daily, people lying to themselves, admitting they are lying to others. Confused, down trodden, whatever, I suppose its not my place to figure out why they do what they do. I honestly don't care, but I know I should support them. Regardless of the behavior or what drives them to do what they do they need an ear to listen.
As for being deceived, wasting my time, I don't think anytime is being wasted. What ever drives people to do what they do, they are in essence asking for help, wanting attention, or whatever in any given moment, I wittingly signed up for this site, I wittingly respond to what I want to, I make my own decisions. Whatever they do, I am always in control of what I do, regardless of their behavior I make my own decisions. Can't blame them for being an addict or whatever they are, they are where they are.
Lying, lying is horrible and evil and epitomizes the worst any can do. However, for addicts I think it becomes second nature its an end to the means. In my case, I did it with purpose, but my purpose wasn't with ill intent. Rather, it was a way of feeling accepted or wanted.
We can all read post daily, people lying to themselves, admitting they are lying to others. Confused, down trodden, whatever, I suppose its not my place to figure out why they do what they do. I honestly don't care, but I know I should support them. Regardless of the behavior or what drives them to do what they do they need an ear to listen.
As for being deceived, wasting my time, I don't think anytime is being wasted. What ever drives people to do what they do, they are in essence asking for help, wanting attention, or whatever in any given moment, I wittingly signed up for this site, I wittingly respond to what I want to, I make my own decisions. Whatever they do, I am always in control of what I do, regardless of their behavior I make my own decisions. Can't blame them for being an addict or whatever they are, they are where they are.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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As a newbi here, I've found this forum very welcoming.
A couple of things that I learned in rehab - trial by fire for sure.
I used to get concerned about "helping" others, since I was in rehab, I had to be reminded to be concerned about my recovery - "what's above my own two feet".
And group therapy, oh wonderful groups... a love hate thing for me.
They were a terrible mirror, what bugged me the most ended up being what I didn't like about myself.
It was interesting, one member of our group would get so mad at me, how I spoke, the things I'd say. He'd get livid and even sometimes have to leave the room. He was the only one who reacted that way. He did finally admit, it was because he saw in me what he disliked in himself. We ended up getting along fine by the end.
Anyway, this thread reminded me of that stuff.
Have a great sober and clean day!
- D
A couple of things that I learned in rehab - trial by fire for sure.
I used to get concerned about "helping" others, since I was in rehab, I had to be reminded to be concerned about my recovery - "what's above my own two feet".
And group therapy, oh wonderful groups... a love hate thing for me.
They were a terrible mirror, what bugged me the most ended up being what I didn't like about myself.
It was interesting, one member of our group would get so mad at me, how I spoke, the things I'd say. He'd get livid and even sometimes have to leave the room. He was the only one who reacted that way. He did finally admit, it was because he saw in me what he disliked in himself. We ended up getting along fine by the end.
Anyway, this thread reminded me of that stuff.
Have a great sober and clean day!
- D
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Posts: 873
Haennie, I'd be lying if I said some of my response doesn't come from a place I was in not so long ago. Lots of people said some pretty nasty stuff to me, I am still holding on to some of that. What was posted in public was only the tip of the iceberg, if I could post what I got in PM's you'd see the extent of some of the viciousness. However, in PM"s I also received a lot of love and support.
Something about a new person coming on this site saying what they have to say and then them having to go through a vetting process. Proving themselves, whatever really? I know this is the newcomers forum so I am going to temper what I say, but everyone should feel accepted here. Period!
Something about a new person coming on this site saying what they have to say and then them having to go through a vetting process. Proving themselves, whatever really? I know this is the newcomers forum so I am going to temper what I say, but everyone should feel accepted here. Period!
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Posts: 149
Thatdeliveryguy writes>>> My title says it all, you got something to say, got an ax to grind, want to call someone out, I am here an ready otherwise, be nice to the new guy and take him at his/her word and offer support nothing more or less.<<<
__________________
For decades I've worked on my co-dependency.
Approval seeking is co-dependency, it's wanting everyone to like me, which isn't realistic. In attempting to attain this impossibility, I had to have many faces and play the middle against both ends which engenders lies a deceit.
In part, my recovery from co-dependency has gotten progressively better due to learning "not to shoot (block) the messenger", this engenders teach-ability.
Today, I don't consider a difference of opinion an attack.
The ideal could be, being nice to everyone newcomer and old-timer and can be the panacea for recovery. I have found the best way to achieve this ideal, which is a perfection never fully attained, is for me to share in first person singular. This isn't easy, but for me it's spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection.
__________________
For decades I've worked on my co-dependency.
Approval seeking is co-dependency, it's wanting everyone to like me, which isn't realistic. In attempting to attain this impossibility, I had to have many faces and play the middle against both ends which engenders lies a deceit.
In part, my recovery from co-dependency has gotten progressively better due to learning "not to shoot (block) the messenger", this engenders teach-ability.
Today, I don't consider a difference of opinion an attack.
The ideal could be, being nice to everyone newcomer and old-timer and can be the panacea for recovery. I have found the best way to achieve this ideal, which is a perfection never fully attained, is for me to share in first person singular. This isn't easy, but for me it's spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Iconclastic well spoken and well received here, completely understood. We can have differing opinions, and there is a teach-ability factor. How do we separate tough love and constructive criticism and an out right attack? I suppose even the most logical argument, or idea can have holes punched in it. I see a lot of hole punching here, and vindictiveness, and constructive criticism in the issue I was addressing it was the latter not the former, seems more about fulfilling some need in the person replying than helping the poster in one closed circumstance.
As for spiritual progress or perfection, I don't know what that is, define spirituality? In the recovery community, the idea is tossed around a lot, few can really define what it means or how they know they are aren't achieving it. Personal opinion though.
As for spiritual progress or perfection, I don't know what that is, define spirituality? In the recovery community, the idea is tossed around a lot, few can really define what it means or how they know they are aren't achieving it. Personal opinion though.
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